Hello, I am new to the forum. I am after some guidance and advice please. My mother in law is 76 and has been diagnosed with vascular dementia. At christmas my father in law asked us to move in to help with her care. We knew this was a possibility and were fine with it. They have the room for us all (my husband and myself and our two sons aged 6 and 2). And I am at home all day. We have had the nurses round from the dementia centre to assess MIL. When they came round they ended up going through the assessment with me as FIL was not forthcoming in any way and they said he was in total denial. In July she had an appt with the specialist at the centre who confirmed the diagnosis and said they were going to try some medication to stop any further decline. I have chased them up as she has still not been contacted and they say they are very backed up and she is in the system. Things are now getting very difficult at home. She has deteriorated a lot. She is diabetic and no longer can do her injections or even remember to have them. She cannot cook dinner unless she has guidance from me, even then she still gets into a real state. Some days she thinks she is on holiday and most days she thinks her house is my house. She has started wearing the same clothes for 3 or 4 days, some days thinks her husband is her father. This weekend we had an ongoing problem with her all sunday as she wouldn't talk to her husband as he was being nasty to her (he wasn't) and she wanted to move out, he had to go as he doesn't live here anyway, and we had the same thing 4 times during the day. Monday she had no recollection. Her short term memory has totally gone also. Can get very aggressive (nasty insults and shouting, not physical yet!) and paranoid.
My big problem in all this is my father in law. He seems to want to keep things as there were (which I understand) and puts pressure on her to do dinner (even though the doctor has told him not to) and is just putting his head in the sand. He has even booked for them to go to india for 3 months in the new year! He wont take her injection kit away from her so she injects her insulin randomly and never knows how much she has done. So I am stuck that I cannot give her the care that she needs as he will not admit there is a problem. I dont know who I can contact or talk to for help in this. The dementia services have been over then nothing since and I feel like we have been left to get on with it. Sorry it is such a long post and well done and thank you if you have got this far. Xx
My big problem in all this is my father in law. He seems to want to keep things as there were (which I understand) and puts pressure on her to do dinner (even though the doctor has told him not to) and is just putting his head in the sand. He has even booked for them to go to india for 3 months in the new year! He wont take her injection kit away from her so she injects her insulin randomly and never knows how much she has done. So I am stuck that I cannot give her the care that she needs as he will not admit there is a problem. I dont know who I can contact or talk to for help in this. The dementia services have been over then nothing since and I feel like we have been left to get on with it. Sorry it is such a long post and well done and thank you if you have got this far. Xx
