1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

Newbie - Not sure if I'm in the right part of the Forum?

Discussion in 'Recently diagnosed and early stages of dementia' started by andyb1, Nov 16, 2015.

  1. andyb1

    andyb1 Registered User

    Nov 16, 2015
    7
    Hampshire
    I'm new - please bear with me. Not sure which Forum I should be posting on?

    My Mum has vascular dementia and Alzheimers, and my Dad is doing his brilliant best to care for her. He is truly amazing, but Mum's behaviour is getting more and more difficult to handle - I think from reading other posts she may be in the 'suspicious" stage. Dad is getting the blame for everything and whilst Mum can manage to be nice to anyone who visits, as soon as they go she'll return to 'normal'. Mum isn't able to do most things for herself now (laying a table, using the phone, TV etc). Recently she's started complaining of wanting to go home, or is convinced other people are living in the house with her. She's also threatening to walk out to 'go home'. Life is getting really difficult for Dad and I'm worried about him.

    Mum is on meds, and we've finally managed to get an auto pill dispenser as she's not regularly taken her meds for ages (she is an ex nurse and won't accept she needs any help). We're hoping the regular meds will help, but know it will take a while for them to take effect. We've been in touch with the local Dementia Advisors and they are visiting for an hour every few weeks. I'm planning to contact the local Alzheimers Society people to see if there is anyone else who can come and support Dad and Mum too. I live over 2 hours away and sisters are overseas. We're all doing what we can but it is horrible watching things deteriorate at home and not being able to do much.

    Any suggestions what else we can do? Many thanks

    Posted this in 'Welcome and how to use TP' Forum too.
     
  2. exhausted 2015

    exhausted 2015 Registered User

    Jul 5, 2015
    624
    Female
    stoke on trent
    Hello and welcome to TP.. I'm no expert but I do care for my dad he has the same condition as your mum I got social services involved and have a carer in once a day to help out I also have 8 weeks respite in place.. Would your mum and dad except help from the outside such as social services.. I'm sure the more knowledgeable members will be along soon to help out xx
     
  3. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    It is great that the dementia support workers are already involved
    They should be helping your parents to access attendance allowance and a carers assessment which would give your dad some support to take a break.If not post back and we can signpost you.

    Perhaps your Dad needs to investigate some day care for your Mum, maybe 3 days a week - which would give him a break and time to recharge his batteries.

    Also contact their local carers organisation - there is probably a support worker who can either visit or phone to give some support and advice about local services.

    Sorry you are all having such a difficult time but you are right to get some help for your dad now - he really needs some support.

    keep posting, thinking of you
     
  4. andyb1

    andyb1 Registered User

    Nov 16, 2015
    7
    Hampshire
    Many thanks fizzie and exhausted 2015.

    Am contacting the dementia advisors again tomorrow and will see what they can suggest and offer on day care or respite care. We're struggling to get Mum to accept any help - she isn't able to recognise that she (and just as importantly) Dad so badly need it. I know this isn't her fault, but have been told that if Mum won't have carers or other help in the house there is nothing they can do. Its frustrating as we can see how much they need help. Some respite care would be fantastic, to give Dad a little break. Is this arranged through social services, or Mum's doctor?

    Thank so much for your kind words and support
     
  5. exhausted 2015

    exhausted 2015 Registered User

    Jul 5, 2015
    624
    Female
    stoke on trent
    Hello again respite care is usually arranged through social services when I got them involved they came out and assessed dad they can also arrange day care too.. Hope that you will be able to get some much needed help soon xx.. By the way I did not tell dad until the day that he was going into respite because I knew he would reject the idea but I told a love lie.. I told him that I had an health problem that needed sorting out.. It was not entirely false but dad excepted it then knowing that it was only going to be for a week I have my next one booked for early December xx
     
  6. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    If you contact adult care duty desk and ask for a carers assessment they look at care from your dad's point of view - so he needs a break and therefore your mum needs some day care. you will need to direct this when they come to do the carers assessment - if you can it might be worth you being there to support your Dad.

    you can sell it to your mum as dad needs to go for an appointment or that there is a lunch club where she can go for a couple of hours just to see some new faces or anything really that will get her out of the door to give your dad a break.

    keep posting x
     
  7. andyb1

    andyb1 Registered User

    Nov 16, 2015
    7
    Hampshire
    Thanks for your advice. I'll approach adult care and start pushing for the carers assessment. Thank you.
     
  8. Snedds

    Snedds Registered User

    I'm in the exact same position as you

    My dad has dementia and is doing the exact same as your mum. Me and my mum are very much struggling to cope now and are no further forward with social work yet! Good luck :)
     

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