1. somersetgirl2019

    somersetgirl2019 New member

    Aug 19, 2019
    Good morning. This is my first thread here...signed up this morning. My need for advice is for my mum. She has....well I’m not sure actually what she has as we haven’t been able to get her to engage with anything to even start the route of a diagnosis....but she clearly has problems. So my question is about what to do and in what order etc etc. Any guidance would be very welcome!

    Our dad (me and my brother) passed away last May. Mum now lives alone and physically manages very well. House is spotless, does her own laundry, she is always clean etc and looks after herself well. It’s her memory and behaviour that are the issues and her total refusal to see there is any need to even discuss our concerns. Her short term memory is very bad and she now often struggles to find the right words to say. Since dad passed away she has talked about him saying he’d like certain things for dinner and that he might be home later. This is getting worse and she is now taking about needing to go and find him, ringing my brother and I regularly to ask if we know where he is. Last night this also extended to asking the same about her long deceased mother in law. Apparently both of them had been in the garden that morning but had now gone. It’s awful to see and hear someone who was always the rock of our family suddenly be like this. But I guess everyone here will know that feeing.

    We have POA for both health and finance issues. I have spoken with her GP and asked for help. He has confirmed he’s seen a big deterioration in cognitive functioning and has offered memory clinics etc. But mum refuses to even accept she needs to have tests or consider any form of help. She becomes aggressive when we try and push the issue. I’m sure compared to some of your experiences here this seems very minor, but I’m not sure which way to tackle things and would be grateful for any guidance. Thank you
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    At the start of my husbands memory problems I told him there was a drug which slowed down the rate of memory loss in elderly people. I asked if he would like to try it. At that stage I didn’t mention Alzheimer’s although knowing his father and grandfather had it I suspected the worst. He went with me to the GP quite enthusiastic about the idea of a pill to save his memory.

    The GP said immediately there was a problem and started the process of blood tests, appointment with a consultant then brain scans etc. By that time John had forgotten what it was all about and just did what he was asked. Because of a slow heart rate the drugs were not suitable but again he had forgotten that was what kickstarted the whole thing. You have to be a bit devious and subtle to persuade I’m afraid.
  3. Helly68

    Helly68 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2018
    Is it possible that you could arrange a "well person" check for your Mum? In this way, getting her tp the GP who could then ask the memory test questions without it being too obvious? I think others have used this tack in the past.
  4. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    Good morning and welcome to Dementia Talking Point, Somersetgirl. Condolences on the loss of your dad. It must be hard to watch your mum deteriorating too, so sad to read your post.
    I was going to post the link to the process of getting a diagnosis, but you and your mum's GP have already started that process. Sorry I can't really advice on how to persuade your mum to go to the memory clinic, I know some recommend telling her it is a routine check up.
    You will get better advice from others with more experience.
  5. brambles

    brambles Registered User

    Sep 22, 2014
    NW England
    Hi @somersetgirl2019 and welcome to the forum.

    I had a similar problem with my mum. The GP referred her to the memory clinic but she cancelled her appointment as "there was nothing wrong with her".
    I telephoned the memory clinic and they arranged for a home visit. I didn't tell mum about this but arranged to be at her house on the day they came.
    I relied on my mums good manners and politeness to accept the medical professionals when they arrived, which she did.
    She was, of course a bit cross about it after they had gone, but, job done. She soon forgot about it.
  6. somersetgirl2019

    somersetgirl2019 New member

    Aug 19, 2019
    Thank you for all the replies. We’ve had a bit of success this morning...I few weeks back I asked the GP to try and get mum there for blood test under false pretences and turns out she is going today. My brother has also managed to get an appointment to see mums GP later today so hopefully that will be useful. Reading other threads, I think trying to organise some help for mum which she doesn’t see as help will be the way forward

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