Newbie intro

[MrsP72]

Hello!

My Mum, 74, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in January of this year, although we'd noticed a definite decline in her memory since the previous summer. She was doing really well, living independently until early April, when we realised that she needed a little more help around the home, particularly with eating and taking her medication (which she hadn't really been taking regularly).

We agreed on and arranged for a local care company to come in once a day, for an hour a day. Just as this started, my Mum had a fall. She then went on to have a further two falls in 48 hours, each with long times either waiting for an ambulance, or waiting in A&E (the first one, she laid on the floor forgetting for around 5 hours that she had lifeline). She spent two nights in hospital after refusing any respite care. She was doing OK, we increased the care package to three x 1 hour visits a day and she was gradually getting stronger. We never did get to the bottom of her falling. She's been so lucky not to break anything.

Fast forward to last Monday evening, and she had another fall. Again, no real reason. I'd seen her the previous Friday and she'd seemed a little shaky on her feet, but was still managing. She did have a tummy upset all weekend. This fall resulted in another hospital visit. When she was ready to be released from hospital she agreed, with some persuasion, to respite care - as her strength was so bad and she had difficulty walking.

My brother and I both live locally, but he drives for a living and is frequently miles away. He also has his own family challenges. I have a family and work full time - so neither of us are able to provide full time care.

My Mum is currently still in respite care, and talks every day about staying there permanently, but in the same breath talks about going home. According to the manager, my Mum has been asking if she can stay on longer.

My brother and I have noticed a real decline in her over the last 4 weeks, including a stone weight loss. Whilst I would rather she was capable of independent living, I sleep much better at night knowing she is being looked after, and most importantly she is safe.

The big question now is, does she stay or do we move her back home. She's self funded at the moment. My biggest concern is that in her own home, she is alone for large parts of the day, and that's when the falls and the illness and incontinence happens. Since being in the care home, I've relaxed a little bit - I don't fear the calls to say she's fallen - but, I don't want to take away the little independence she had left...

Alzheimer's sucks :-(

Jx

 

[Bunpoots]

Hi @MrsP72. Welcome to DTP.

Alzheimer's definitely sucks!!

I understand what a difficult decision it is to have to make when a parent needs to be safe bit we'd rather they could stay at home. I had to make this decision for my dad last summer. Like your mum he had started to fall and I felt he was no longer safe at home.

If I were in shoes I would continue with the respite for a while to see if your mum picks up. It sounds as though she may have had an infection so she may recover but from what you've said your mum is quite vulnerable at home.

One of the things that stopped me getting my dad into a carehome sooner was worry about finances and what would happen if he ran out of money. It might be worth getting your mum's needs assessed by the local authority as they may be able to tell you what else is available in your area if your mum doesn't make the respite permanent. They can also tell you about any benefits available to help with mum's care costs. She will be entitled to Attendance Allowance if you haven't already applied for it and a council tax disregard.

Now that you've found us keep posting. You'll find the members here are a wonderful source of information and support.

 

[Helly68]

MrsP72 - it certainly does suck.

I think from what you have described, she may be better staying at the care home, especially, as you say, she is lucky not to have injured herself more seriously, falling.
Everyone has to make their own decision, based on circumstances and what is frankly, often the least worst option.
When my Mum went to live in a care home, she was still fairly independent (though she isn't now) but I think this helped her to settle in and all of us prepare for the inevitable decline - as much as you can with this awful disease.

A social worker once said to me that the problem many people have with care options is that they consider them too late - i.e. when their loved one has already declined, some options may no longer be suitable and others may need a bit of adjustment.

Initially, my Mum talked about "going home". She was referring to her childhood home (now long gone) and this sort of phrase can be dementia shorthand for "I am feeling unsettled and in need of comfort". Understandable in the circumstances. Once she was more settled she stopped saying this.

 

[Rosettastone57]

Hello!

My Mum, 74, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in January of this year, although we'd noticed a definite decline in her memory since the previous summer. She was doing really well, living independently until early April, when we realised that she needed a little more help around the home, particularly with eating and taking her medication (which she hadn't really been taking regularly).

We agreed on and arranged for a local care company to come in once a day, for an hour a day. Just as this started, my Mum had a fall. She then went on to have a further two falls in 48 hours, each with long times either waiting for an ambulance, or waiting in A&E (the first one, she laid on the floor forgetting for around 5 hours that she had lifeline). She spent two nights in hospital after refusing any respite care. She was doing OK, we increased the care package to three x 1 hour visits a day and she was gradually getting stronger. We never did get to the bottom of her falling. She's been so lucky not to break anything.

Fast forward to last Monday evening, and she had another fall. Again, no real reason. I'd seen her the previous Friday and she'd seemed a little shaky on her feet, but was still managing. She did have a tummy upset all weekend. This fall resulted in another hospital visit. When she was ready to be released from hospital she agreed, with some persuasion, to respite care - as her strength was so bad and she had difficulty walking.

My brother and I both live locally, but he drives for a living and is frequently miles away. He also has his own family challenges. I have a family and work full time - so neither of us are able to provide full time care.

My Mum is currently still in respite care, and talks every day about staying there permanently, but in the same breath talks about going home. According to the manager, my Mum has been asking if she can stay on longer.

My brother and I have noticed a real decline in her over the last 4 weeks, including a stone weight loss. Whilst I would rather she was capable of independent living, I sleep much better at night knowing she is being looked after, and most importantly she is safe.

The big question now is, does she stay or do we move her back home. She's self funded at the moment. My biggest concern is that in her own home, she is alone for large parts of the day, and that's when the falls and the illness and incontinence happens. Since being in the care home, I've relaxed a little bit - I don't fear the calls to say she's fallen - but, I don't want to take away the little independence she had left...

Alzheimer's sucks :-(

Jx

My husband and I were in a similar position last year with my mother-in-law she had mixed dementia and had been managing on her own in her own home self funding with carer visits 3 times a day . She rapidly deteriorated however in the summer when she became ill and went into hospital she already had had a number of falls over the last few years previously. No serious injuries however as result of those falls . She was discharged too early from hospital we increased the care package but to be frank it came to the point where she was clearly not safe in her own home. With her rapid cognitive decline she could no longer remember where her bathroom was in her own home ,coupled with the incontinence in the mix and having fallen again three times on discharge from hospital, we made a decision then that she was to go into full-time residential care. She was readmitted to hospital as a failed discharge with diarrhoea and we made arrangements for her to go straight from hospital into a care home .Even with the carers there she was no longer safe she spent many hours alone it's when the carers aren't there that is the problem. She needed 24-hour supervision . There was no family to provide full-time care so the care option in a home was really the only option. It was the best decision we made for us as a family and for her