Newbie here. Joined due to my Grandad's dementia.

[Carrie1984]

Hi everyone.
Have been lurking for a few weeks and now joined as everyone seems so supportive.
My grandad is almost 90 and has had dementia / Alzheimer's for around the past 5 years, possibly longer. He went into a care home 2 years ago after stopping looking after himself completely.
Things had been going okay for him until 6 weeks ago. After being such an active man, he was much less mobile in the home but still able to get to the toilet by himself slowly but couldn't manage stairs etc. He only really recognises my mum and is limited to very few sentences now.
Anyway, 6 weeks ago he had a stomach bug (we think) and despite getting over the main symptoms, he ended up very weak and was taken to hospital with breathing difficulties. They couldn't find anything wrong but gave him oxygen in hospital and anti biotics to take home. We didn't feel he got the right care in hospital as he was so dehydrated and they gave up putting a drip into him. He also stopped eating completely. He now hasn't eaten a meal in over 6 weeks.

He was brought back to the home where, despite much better care, he continued to go downhill. He was listless and didn't want to leave his bed. He could barely move and his vision was deteriorating. The carers told my mum to expect the worst, she informed me (I live 70 miles away) and I traveled back to see him. He looked terrible and we (me, mum and sister) all thought he didn't have long.

I had to come back for work, and mum said he actually picked up a little in the following days (this is around 2 weeks ago).

Exactly a week ago he had a fall. They had taken him downstairs to sit in a chair by the window (where he used to sit) and he must have tried to get up and stumbled over. He was taken to hospital and was kept in until 2 days ago. He hadn't broken anything but was in pain and they put the catheter in place as he wouldn't /couldn't move.

2 days ago they took him back to the home as that's where we wanted him to be, it's where he feels comfortable despite not knowing where he is. However, I have just had a call from my mum to say he is, from tonight, back in hospital. Apparantly he is extremely confused and in pain. They think it could be an infection.

I just can't believe how quickly things have escalated and how much bad luck we are having. I feel like it's a never ending cycle now until he passes. I feel for my mum and I feel terrible I can't be there all the time due to where I live and my work. This is a particularly demanding couple of weeks at work and I've already missed a chunk due to him being very poorly already this month.

I don't want to lose my grandad but I don't want him to suffer. Do I go home or not, I just don't know. Is he ever going to be comfortable and back in the home or will this awful pattern of illness /infection/weakness just continue? He hadn't been in any pain until the fall. Now we have that to deal with on top of the dementia, confusion, infection, and starvation.

Sorry to go on, but that's my story up until now. Xx

 

[sue38]

Hi Carrie and welcome to Talking Point - I'm so glad you have found it supportive and decided to post.

My first thought on reading your post was whether your grandad may have swallowing difficulties which might have led to aspiration pneumonia. My dad had a vomiting bug and what should have gone into his stomach went into his lungs, which led to pneumonia. Has he had a chest x-ray?

I understand that you feel you need to be there in case the worst happens, but there is no knowing if and when that might happen. I know someone who was told her mum was end of life and she left her home, job and family abroad with the intention of staying until her mum passed. That was 12 months ago, and her mum is still here (she went back after a few weeks). I stayed with my dad pretty much 24/7 in his last days, and still wasn't there when he passed.

You're only 70 miles away and presumably can be there in a couple of hours if needs be. I was only 7 miles away and still didn't make it back in time. You could nip to the loo and not be there. My feeling would be to go back to work knowing that this is what your grandad would want for you. Chances are your mum is going to need the most support after your grandad passes.

I hope the hospital can give you some definite answers and make your grandad as comfortable as possible.

 

[Carrie1984]

Thank you ladies for your kind words xx

I had a call today from mum to say my grandad is severely deteriorating, and the hospital advised any family members to come and see him if they wish. I am heading to my mums and the hospital tomorrow to say goodbye to grandad as this is the end it seems.

The infection, we think from the catheter that was placed last week, has reached his kidneys. I am surprised it took a hold so quickly. They have told mum they will give him anti biotics for 24 hours and then if there is no sign of improvement theft will cease treatment. Does this sound normal? I am not sure.

Grandad hasn't eaten a single meal in over 6 weeks and currently is on a drip as now refusing fluid. I assume this will stop too.

I just keep thinking, after being in hospital a few weeks ago and being so poorly then slightly improving, then having the fall when he had started looking a bit brighter, we may not be in this situation. What if's, hindsight, it's cruel isn't it?

I am just sad that grandad will pass away in hospital. I suppose, that's where a lot of people spend their final days. But I know he would have preferred to be somewhere more homely and comfortable. I just hope they manage his pain until the end.


xx