1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Charlie's Angel

    Charlie's Angel Registered User

    Feb 12, 2016
    7
    Hi, I am carer for my Dad who has been diagnosed 6 months ago, but had mild form for about 2 years.
    My emotions are all over the show, as I am finding it incredibly difficult to watch the man who was and is my hero,and been a massive support to me while raising my child, slowly unravel...
    This is such a cruel disease, and really just want to know how you cope, especially when some of you have done this for years and years! Hats off too you :)
    I haven't joined the carers association, I guess I should be doing that soon...
    Any carers in Northamptonshire area that meet up?
     
  2. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland

    Welcome to TP Charlie's Angel. You will get loads of support here. I think you should join the Carers association. They can give you lots of information. I hope you have medical support too. Your emotions will be all over the place. Your Dad knows that you love him and this is just my opinion but I believe that even when Alyzheimers progresses this love will always be inside the person.
     
  3. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    Ps Sorry I forgot to sign my reply to you. I live in Ireland and care for my husband.

    Aisling
     
  4. jknight

    jknight Registered User

    Oct 23, 2015
    786
    Hampshire
    Hiya! Welcome. I am also a newbie. The people here are so supportive. I am an only child caring for a much loved mum. It is a horrible disease. I'm on the south coast but perhaps we could support each other via TP?
     
  5. balloo

    balloo Registered User

    Sep 21, 2013
    227
    northamptonshire
    i am from where the famous race track is in northamptonshire . i have been caring for MIL who has vascular dementia for over 3 years she lives with my husband and i .I dont have time to go to meetings with other carers as we now cannot leave MIL for more than 15 mins .What i ouuld say is talk to Northamptons AGe Uk i found them helpful and we have a sitter come in 3 times 3 hrs a month so me and husband can go out
    good luch
     
  6. Charlie's Angel

    Charlie's Angel Registered User

    Feb 12, 2016
    7
    Thank you! Been delaying joining, as it's an admission that the disease is progressing and taking its toll on us all.
     
  7. Charlie's Angel

    Charlie's Angel Registered User

    Feb 12, 2016
    7
    Thank you for that, I will most certainly contact them.
     
  8. Charlie's Angel

    Charlie's Angel Registered User

    Feb 12, 2016
    7
    Thank you! Any and all support greatly appreciated Also given when needed too.:)
     
  9. jknight

    jknight Registered User

    Oct 23, 2015
    786
    Hampshire
    I've sent you a friend request (first one!!)
     
  10. Charlie's Angel

    Charlie's Angel Registered User

    Feb 12, 2016
    7
    and that is one of my favourite saying about dancing in the storm!
     
  11. Louby65

    Louby65 Registered User

    Mar 26, 2014
    620
    Scotland
    Hello Charlie's Angel . Welcome to this very supportive and caring forum , where you can ask just about anything and let off a bit of steam at times too . The first thing I will say is not to get upset at some of the stories of our loved ones who battle this dreadful disease . Everyone progresses at different levels and times and symptoms do differ . I won't lie to you , there may be some difficult times ahead but the key is to equip yourself with as much knowledge to deal with the varying situations . The other important thing is to maintain your own physical and mental health as both can be affected . Speak to your local Alzheimer's Society , Age UK and also social services about an assessment for your dad and a carers assessment for yourself . They will also let you know about carers associations in your area . You haven't said if your dad is managing himself at home with your support but he may need further support , which social devices can assess . If you need any further advice and support please ask . Best wishes to you and your dad . Lou
     
  12. CJinUSA

    CJinUSA Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    1,127
    eastern USA
    Louby is so right. Care for yourself while also caring for your Dad.

    In thinking about your post, I have been thinking about how hard it was for me when my father, the rock of our family, started his downward spiral due to vascular dementia. It was very hard to have to take over the parenting role. I felt unready and ill at ease.

    Now, with my mother, I know what my role is, and I learned how to love my mother as my mother but care for this woman who is no longer my mother and not fret that she doesn't remember who I am, and so forth.

    The process is long, and it can be very difficult. Caring is a long-term commitment. Some people are cut out for it, and some not. The sooner you know what kind of carer you are - and the sooner you forgive yourself if you are *not* really the carer sort (as my three sisters are not) - the sooner you'll feel comfortable in whatever role you choose to take on.

    My heart goes out to you as you enter this new part of your life.
     
  13. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    300
    North Cornwall
    Hi Charlie's Angel

    Welcome to TP. My advice would echo the others - contact Ageuk for support in what you can set up, especially a sitting service and / or a day care centre. In order to be the best carer you can be, IMO you have to really look after yourself from the word go, by eating well, sleeping well, exercising and keeping up with friends. Your Dad is in a hard place and will need you to stay strong - physically and mentally. If you can look after yourself at the same time, you will have get some positives out of a really difficult situation and not be so resentful of this horrible disease. My Dad has vascular dementia and I try to take all the positives I can to keep me going on bad days. That is another thing. If he has a bad day, it doesn't mean that they will all be bad. A bad day is a bad day and good ones will follow. Don't lose heart.

    I must say that it is a hard job, but can also make you strong on a personal level, knowing that you are doing your best for your dear Dad when he needs you. Good luck with your journey and keep smiling.

    Best wishes

    Heidi
     
  14. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    58,719
    Female
    Dundee
    #14 Izzy, Feb 13, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2016
    Good morning and welcome from me too.

    I just wanted to echo everything the others have said. It would be a good idea to contact your local Alzheimers Society. You should be able to find it using this link if you don't know where it is -

    https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/...=200121&_ga=1.144610869.1896786456.1448002001

    The may have groups or activities for you, for your dad or for both of you. Many places have drop in cafes and these are great for meeting up with people in similar circumstances. Some areas have activities like singing for the brain. I'm sure your area will have something to offer.

    I do think it would be a good idea to find out about your local carers association too. I found this link -

    https://www.carers.org/local-service/northampton

    You asked about any TP meet ups. There's none organised for Northampton but there's a couple in the pipeline that some of us are travelling to. Some travel further than others to get to them - I'm in Scotland!:rolleyes: This is the link to the Groups area where these meet ups (we call them retreats!) are organised -

    http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/group.php?groupid=90

    You'll see there's one in York in March (Northern Retrear2) and one in Launde Abbey (Leicestershire) in June.

    These are, of course, not regular meet ups and I know you're probably looking for a weekly or fortnightly group. They are good fun though!

    Lousy also mentioned. Social Services Assessment. That would be a good thing to get if you haven't already done that. This Factsheet might be helpful -

    https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=131

    Good luck. I'm glad you found the forum.
     
  15. Charlie's Angel

    Charlie's Angel Registered User

    Feb 12, 2016
    7
    Thank you

    All so much for the words of wisdom and encouragement...feeling quite overwhelmed but just to expand a bit more
    My parents still live together, but my mom has her own illnesses and is struggling to cope, so I left my job to take care of them...i will have to return to working soon but half of my battle has been trying to get them to accept my help! Let alone getting a stranger to come in and do a bit of house keeping!
    My frustration levels have been huge but it got me out walking, every day...just a time to reflect and think: what next? On a positive, I lost weight and feeling physically good.
    It's the uncertainty of what the future holds for them, me - think we probably trying to look too far ahead rather than deal with here and now. I have lost my way and direction, as so much to do and organise for both of them.
    Fortunately my sister is arriving for a month long visit, so can have a bit of a respite and hopefully get back on track with the planning ahead.
     
  16. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    58,719
    Female
    Dundee
    My mantra has always been 'one day at a time'. While it is good to be prepared for what's ahead in some respects I do my best to live for the day. I think it's important to make the best of the good times you can still gave. We somehow always manage to face the not so good times and TP is always here to support you in these.
     
  17. Charlie's Angel

    Charlie's Angel Registered User

    Feb 12, 2016
    7
    Definately the mantra to live by with this disease...
     

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