I have been struggling emotionally with visiting my mum in her care home. The whole event from lateral flow, PPE, rules etc, to being shut in a bedroom with her, when she cannot really communicate with me during my visit and to witnessing the distressing decline in her, has been a real struggle for me. I did not visit for most of December, and took time out to care for my own wellbeing. I understand that recent changes mean I had to nominate 3 permitted visitors. I did this, with the thought that the one of the other 2 would be able to visit with me alternately for moral support. My daughter and I visited at Christmas. Yesterday I received a call from the home advising that the rules have now changed again (I can see nothing to suggest this is a government directive). They advised that now only myself as 'Designated Carer' can visit. I have not asked or would want this role. They are now saying that I must visit alone (I'm not sure I am strong enough for this) as well as attend the home (45 mins away) twice weekly to take a PCR test. As I am still in employment, this scenario is pretty much unworkable anyway. Incidentally, I am told they have no recorded Covid cases at the care home. I just wondered if anyone else had been contacted in a similar manner, or had heard about a further government restriction to this effect?
New Visiting Restrictions?
- Thread starter Feeling unsupported
- Start date
Morning! Government Guidelines now state 3 visitors PLUS an Essential Care Giver who can visit if any cases, lockdown etc. However, as an EC you are registered as a member of staff and therefore have to take a PCR test in the home once per week plus your LFT's . I am registered as mum's EC as I am the only visitor unfortunately, apart from my husband who comes with me occasionally. At the mo, only 1 visitor allowed in the bedroom - I have booked a visitors room tomorrow for both me and my husband to visit. You are correct, no change to current Guidelines, they cannot refuse to let the other permitted visitors in (separately) so long as no outbreak etc. They should have asked you and received your consent to be an EC, it cannot just be assumed as you may want to ask someone else. Hope this helps.
That is helpful yes, thank you. I had listed 3 visitors, but was not asked if I wanted an EC as well. There is nobody who would be appropriate for that role and whilst i feel guilty, I do not feel able to take it myself. I will try and speak with the manager today to clarify. I understand that EC has to be tested in line with staff regulations, and this is really not practical for me due to the distance.
I am very alone with this. I have a sibling, but he is on the other side of the world. Visiting falls totally to me and I find it very stressful. I notice too that other family members will ask periodically 'how is your mum?', but nobody ever asks how I am!
Unfortunately the guidelines are just that, guidance and not really enforceable although non adherence may be taken into consideration by CQC .
I have just been informed by my wife's care home that visiting is to be suspended (no outbreak of infection) with the exception of end of life visits and all residents needs will be individually assessed with regard to allowing essential caregivers. This would appear to be a reaction to increased community transmission rates of Omicron so is somewhat open ended. I'll give them a few days to define this policy and we'll see where we go from there.
I have just been informed by my wife's care home that visiting is to be suspended (no outbreak of infection) with the exception of end of life visits and all residents needs will be individually assessed with regard to allowing essential caregivers. This would appear to be a reaction to increased community transmission rates of Omicron so is somewhat open ended. I'll give them a few days to define this policy and we'll see where we go from there.
Yep, common theme unfortunately. My sister ducked out of the scene once my mum's companion left, (I was previously very close to her), then mum diagnosed, hospital stay, care home etc etc. She has not once replied to my emails, phone calls are blocked. I've sorted out everything on my own including selling the family home which was very distressful. My Uncle (who is late 70's) phones me to sometimes to berate the fact that he can't get through on the phone to mum in the CH - couldn't make it up. I never know what reception I am going to get when I visit mum, I go three times a week despite working full time and a husband lol, I get myself quite stressed out on the drive there. It's just all rubbish isn't it!
Hi @Feeling unsupported , I'm in a very similar position. I hate visiting mum as we have to meet in the garden room and there isn't anything we can do. Mum's eyesight is too bad to show her photos or look at magazines and I can't really understand what she says. If we could meet in her room at least I could sort out her drawers or chat about her ornaments or something. At the moment I feel I'm visiting just to check she is as OK as she can be and nothing more.
Like you it is really all down to me. My brother has been seriously ill and hasn't seen her for nearly two years. He and his family were due to visit at Christmas and he had booked to see mum. Then my son had a positive Lateral flow and that was the end of that. He intends to visit sometime soon, and presumably see mum. I think he will be very distressed by how she is now. When he last saw her she thought he was our long dead dad, but at least you could follow the conversation. She was also pretty mobile. now she can only walk with a lot of assistance. Having lost her false teeth doesn't help either.
Asking for two PCR tests seems a bit over the top but I guess that is what keeps them covid free. My mother in law's home has had a pretty open visiting policy, but they keep on getting loads of covid cases, including MiL. Maybe say until restrictions are eased you will visit once a month? Try not to feel guilty, but that is impossible I know.
Like you it is really all down to me. My brother has been seriously ill and hasn't seen her for nearly two years. He and his family were due to visit at Christmas and he had booked to see mum. Then my son had a positive Lateral flow and that was the end of that. He intends to visit sometime soon, and presumably see mum. I think he will be very distressed by how she is now. When he last saw her she thought he was our long dead dad, but at least you could follow the conversation. She was also pretty mobile. now she can only walk with a lot of assistance. Having lost her false teeth doesn't help either.
Asking for two PCR tests seems a bit over the top but I guess that is what keeps them covid free. My mother in law's home has had a pretty open visiting policy, but they keep on getting loads of covid cases, including MiL. Maybe say until restrictions are eased you will visit once a month? Try not to feel guilty, but that is impossible I know.
Last edited:
They cant make you go twice a week, nor can they make you take PCR's twice week.
Are you sure thats what they said?
Maybe nota government directive, but if the home feel the need, thats what they will do.
No recorded cases? they must be doing something right
Are you sure thats what they said?
Maybe nota government directive, but if the home feel the need, thats what they will do.
No recorded cases? they must be doing something right
It sounds as though they have registered you as an ECG ( essential care giver) which every resident is entitled to and currently have restricted visits to ECG’s. The latest gvt guidance allows homes to do this if a resident or Carer tests positive for Covid but they should have consulted with you first.
I have applied to be my mums ECG but am still waiting to hear from the home. I know that is appointed, I will have to go to the home twice a week to have a PCR test which is why my sister who works cannot be the ECG. But there are no rules about how often an ECG has to visit, some go daily to help at meal times or other tasks while others go weekly or less frequently. I hope to continue visiting mum twice a week with my sister but if there is a Covid outbreak I can still go on my own, I live close enough to just pop in for a short time.
Could you clarify the situation with the manager? Is there someone else who is better suited to be the ECG? There is no compulsory requirement for a resident to have an ECG but it’s the only way of continuing visits during a lockdown.
I wish my mums home made being the ECG as easy as your mums home have!
I have applied to be my mums ECG but am still waiting to hear from the home. I know that is appointed, I will have to go to the home twice a week to have a PCR test which is why my sister who works cannot be the ECG. But there are no rules about how often an ECG has to visit, some go daily to help at meal times or other tasks while others go weekly or less frequently. I hope to continue visiting mum twice a week with my sister but if there is a Covid outbreak I can still go on my own, I live close enough to just pop in for a short time.
Could you clarify the situation with the manager? Is there someone else who is better suited to be the ECG? There is no compulsory requirement for a resident to have an ECG but it’s the only way of continuing visits during a lockdown.
I wish my mums home made being the ECG as easy as your mums home have!
I wanted to share my experience of a family friend who I have developed a close relationship with over the last three years...
They have been living (generally well) with vascular dementia for a number of years. He is a lovely man who has been a joy to spend time with. He loves music, sings very well, has a great sense of humour and enjoys socialising. Now in his late 80s his health has been deteriorating. He is frail and has severe problems with memory and often gets confused and frustrated. His wife, in poor physical health herself, has been struggling to cope with him. Several weeks ago he went into hospital after a fall, is doing well physically, but mentally is deteriorating very badly. He is waiting to go into residential care but nothing is available.
As a family friend, I have been helping his wife with visits to see him (as well as managing in to see him once myself) and being a shoulder to lean on. Things have recently got very tough indeed for him and his wife.
Due to recent Covid infections on his ward, it has gone into indefinite lockdown and all visits have been banned. He doesn't understand why he is in hospital, why he can't go home and worse still why his wife doesn't come to see him any more. He has become increasingly distressed, despite no doubt excellent care from the dedicated nursing staff who do their best. He has become very verbally aggressive, on occasion assaulting staff, is often depressed and last week on the phone to his wife threatened to take his own life. She told me this in a flood of tears. Currently my role (along with a couple of kindly neighbours) involves driving her to hospital to drop off some clothes and treats with a nurse who takes them at the door. She daren't ask someone to bring him to a window to wave, as she feels that it will distress him too much. I ask myself how has it come to this?
I understood that dementia was treated as an exceptional case and hospital visits would always be allowed, albeit of course limited and under strict infection control conditions. Even this is no longer currently allowed at this particular hospital, so his wife tells me. Surely this cannot possibly be right? Comments welcome, which I will pass on. Thank you!
They have been living (generally well) with vascular dementia for a number of years. He is a lovely man who has been a joy to spend time with. He loves music, sings very well, has a great sense of humour and enjoys socialising. Now in his late 80s his health has been deteriorating. He is frail and has severe problems with memory and often gets confused and frustrated. His wife, in poor physical health herself, has been struggling to cope with him. Several weeks ago he went into hospital after a fall, is doing well physically, but mentally is deteriorating very badly. He is waiting to go into residential care but nothing is available.
As a family friend, I have been helping his wife with visits to see him (as well as managing in to see him once myself) and being a shoulder to lean on. Things have recently got very tough indeed for him and his wife.
Due to recent Covid infections on his ward, it has gone into indefinite lockdown and all visits have been banned. He doesn't understand why he is in hospital, why he can't go home and worse still why his wife doesn't come to see him any more. He has become increasingly distressed, despite no doubt excellent care from the dedicated nursing staff who do their best. He has become very verbally aggressive, on occasion assaulting staff, is often depressed and last week on the phone to his wife threatened to take his own life. She told me this in a flood of tears. Currently my role (along with a couple of kindly neighbours) involves driving her to hospital to drop off some clothes and treats with a nurse who takes them at the door. She daren't ask someone to bring him to a window to wave, as she feels that it will distress him too much. I ask myself how has it come to this?
I understood that dementia was treated as an exceptional case and hospital visits would always be allowed, albeit of course limited and under strict infection control conditions. Even this is no longer currently allowed at this particular hospital, so his wife tells me. Surely this cannot possibly be right? Comments welcome, which I will pass on. Thank you!
Last edited by a moderator:
Hello @StevieP123 and a warm welcome from me also.
My caring took place before COVID so personally I have no experience but my friends brother is in a care home and they have stopped all visiting including outside visits with contact through a window.
I think the fact that your friend is in such a bad place asking PALS if they can intervene is a good idea.
Please now you have found the forum please keep posting for support and to share your experiences
My caring took place before COVID so personally I have no experience but my friends brother is in a care home and they have stopped all visiting including outside visits with contact through a window.
I think the fact that your friend is in such a bad place asking PALS if they can intervene is a good idea.
Please now you have found the forum please keep posting for support and to share your experiences
@StevieP123
Government guidelines on visiting during the pandemic leave the final decision to individual trusts/hospitals/alliances
For info this is one ruling allowing visiting for specific reasons
There are already some exemptions in place across the XXXX Alliance where visiting has, and continues to be, allowed during the Covid pandemic. These include:
Even if not included it's worth appealing to PALS
Government guidelines on visiting during the pandemic leave the final decision to individual trusts/hospitals/alliances
For info this is one ruling allowing visiting for specific reasons
There are already some exemptions in place across the XXXX Alliance where visiting has, and continues to be, allowed during the Covid pandemic. These include:
- Visiting a patient receiving end-of-life care.
- When you are the birthing partner accompanying a woman in labour.
- When are a parent or appropriate adult visiting your child
- When you are supporting someone with a mental health issue such as dementia, a learning disability or autism, where not being present would cause the patient to be distressed.
Even if not included it's worth appealing to PALS
Thank you Cat. As 'only' a friend it would be down to his wife as next of kin to do that, but I will certainly suggest it.
Thank you. I will suggest it to his wife, even if she is so emotionally exhausted at the moment I'm not sure she would have the strength.
