1. BazArcher

    BazArcher Registered User

    Feb 13, 2016
    26
    Lakenheath, Suffolk
    Hello Folks
    My name is Barry and sadly after a year long struggle my wife of 28 yrs has been diagnosed with dementia, obviously this has come as quite a shock seeing as she is only 48 but after reading some of these pages it seems like I am far from alone. I have now stopped work to become her carer a job I am more than prepared to fulfil along with our boy who was terribly upset with what has happened but thankfully can now cope probably a lot better than I do some days.
    My main struggle thru last year was putting in measures to keep us in our (mortgaged) home as this has happened at such an early age we still have that displeasure of paying :) ....the worst of the issues has been dealing with good old HRMC and I would advise anyone not to bother speaking to them until the tax year has ended otherwise you will be left feeling like I have so far....alienated for being a sodding tax payer of 35 years. Anyway let me calm down as I wrote that part it brings back nothing but anger.
    Now to the real point of this long old post, I was wondering as I was a computer engineer for a number of years sadly not for the last five or so what software anyone would recommend that will help my wife, I have got her playing the windows games at the moment and doing puzzles/wordsearch but was hoping to find something a little more entertaining if that's possible.
    It will be more for the evenings as we have a tandem I bought as we're both members of a local cycling club who have been a fantastic support over the year, the tandem now means my wife can get out and ride along with them especially as its front wheel drive ( me ), my days of racing are over but thankfully I can still manage to keep us up with the younger lot ......just.
    Thank You for reading this long winded ditty and I hope to continue writing and helping along with advice especially if its to do with monetary issues in younger couples as its a minefield out there when all you need is pointing in the right direction.
    Yours Hopefully
    Barry
     
  2. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,900
    Female
    Dundee
  3. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,306
    Female
    Chester
    Hello Barry,

    I'm afraid I can't help with computer stuff - I'm not that technical.

    As I care for my mum with Alz who is in her 80s and I am 47 and my OH is 48 I don't think I can always offer help for those caring for a partner.

    I just dropped in to wish you well on your tandem. Even among cyclists, riding a tandem is a niche group. :D We have several, but they don't get much use at the moment as we have kids which keep us busy, although we have used several with the kids on the back over the years.

    I'm glad your cycling club have been helpful, and knowing many cyclists I suspect they will continue to be as helpful as they can. You are doing well if you are putting all the power in to keep up with the club ride. Bit flatter than in Suffolk than when we try and keep up with club rides into North Wales I suspect.

    I was fairly ignorant of dementia 2 years ago and wouldn't have known how to help - I suspect you are riding in the week with older retired people you have known a long time - but they may not understand dementia - but I'm sure they will want to help - so please try and tell them what you need. Cycling is a big family normally.

    I agree HMRC are a nightmare (I work in tax). One tip I can give is if you don't think the person you spoke to was great then ring in again - it will mean another 40 minute wait to speak to someone though! If it is because you will have paid too much tax by the end of the year, you will need to wait until 5th April and put a repayment claim in.
     
  4. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Hi Barry, and a warm welcome from me to Talking Point. Your wife is so young to have this hateful illness, and I can't begin to imagine what it's like for you, with a young family to care for too.

    In the early days, my late husband liked "sorting" things. He'd spend ages with a tray of objects, putting them into different sections, or rearranging the cutlery drawer, and, for as long as possible, we'd do crossword puzzles, or Sudoku. It's great that you are both still able to participate in your cycling club, and make treasured memories together.

    You'll find lots of help and advice from the lovely TP family, and I don't know how I would have coped without them. I wish you well xxx
     
  5. BazArcher

    BazArcher Registered User

    Feb 13, 2016
    26
    Lakenheath, Suffolk
    Hello again
    Thank you for the replies I wasn't sure what to expect but now I see folks are really supportive and I'm grateful of finding this forum as the many I used before tended to be of a computer gaming nature and the people on those tended to be shall we say a bit more demonstrative :) .
    I had a look at that site but sadly the main one seemed to be more for the ipad but I shall keep looking and hopefully get my old enthusiasm for trawling the net back and find something, if so I will post it here and hopefully help someone else along this path I find myself on.
    As to the tandem its lucky I used to be a fair club racer and yes most of the club rides do tend to be with the older members who have known me for over 35 years and the wife for at least 15, it makes it easier although they do tend to think I'm still racing for some odd reason :p . The best bit is and I mean this in the nicest way they are used to the illness within the club as several members have family who have it or have passed away due to it so the understanding towards my wife is fantastic
    . It felt strange at first as I thought I was pretty much alone and I'm sure its how everyone feels when they first find out but I have been surprised at the network of friends and family I have got in these last few months and now this site too has made me realise I won't be feeling quite so unsure and helpless.
    I look forwards now to helping and trying to find help for others.

    Barry aka Sturmey for any cyclists out there.......
     
  6. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    So sorry to read your post, Baz. How tragic for both of you. Can't offer much in the ideas for computer software but my OH loved playing dominoes and simple card games. Bought outsize ones from A.....n as his eyesight is bad too but I think that helped and he loved the feel of the high quality wood between his fingers. The games were quite often skewed but, so what, as long as he was happy.

    Best wishes.
     
  7. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    so sorry to hear that your wife has a diagnosis so young. Glad to hear that you have managed to sort out so much in such a short time. Sounds to me as tho there is a gap in the market there Barry!! There is a tablet on the market called a Breezie which some people use (I think Age UK marketed it some time ago) I don't know if that has any apps with it but I would think that everything is limited in development for the age group you are speaking about.
     
  8. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,987
    Suffolk
    Hi there, I do jigsaws on my iPad, I guess you can use a laptop. Apps are free. Waste endless hours!

    I'm in Suffolk as well, but on the coast, well 2miles away from coast. Not sure what's around your area, Bury has several things I know.
     
  9. arielsmelody

    arielsmelody Registered User

    Jul 16, 2015
    515
    Am I right in thinking you are looking at laptop/pc games? Have you tried an ipad - or probably a cheaper Android tablet would be better. If you are there to supervise, I would think that you could find some entertaining games. I think software development is much more aimed towards tablets and phones nowadays, so that's where you'd find the more interesting stuff. What kind of activities are your wife interested in?
     
  10. BazArcher

    BazArcher Registered User

    Feb 13, 2016
    26
    Lakenheath, Suffolk
    Good morning folks
    Have been looking again at the computer stuff and yes I'd considered the ipad or tablets but as I am still even in my advancing years ......a computer nerd and avid gamer all my expertise is in pc's so haven't really checked out apps and stuff yet.
    Have been buying and blagging puzzles off the family over the last few months as they were a nice way for my wife to at least sit for an hour or so with something to do also got some big wordsearch books as our care worker suggested although she struggles with those.
    I'm now looking thru my old games collection and was trying to think of something with more to do than the card games now I have got her using a pc mouse and was looking along the lines of the strategy/simulation type ie sim city or theme park, I shall try and find ones that work with the newer operating systems as those I mentioned tend to be a lot older games. If I find something I can get her to attempt and hopefully generate some fun I will let you know as I guess others are looking for similar things for loved ones to do.
    Baz
     
  11. CJinUSA

    CJinUSA Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    1,125
    eastern USA
    Hello, Barry,

    I am coming late to your thread. What a loving, caring person you are to be looking for things you can show your wife on the computer and do with her so you can enjoy your time together still. I'm sorry you are facing this at all, but especially with your young wife.

    In trying to figure out how to do something with my mother, whose situation - as an advanced Alzheimer's case and significantly advanced age - is different, I recently discovered how much joy watching birds on the computer can be for her. On most days, I set up two laptops in front of her and her caregiver (she has daily carers come into our home; I am working from home currently) with two different live cameras set on bird feeders. I am in the eastern U.S., so I chose live cams that would have birds she used to get at her own feeders. Yesterday, she watched feeders from Ithaca, NY, and Ontario, Canada. They are here:

    http://cams.allaboutbirds.org/channel/40/Cornell_Lab_FeederWatch/

    http://cams.allaboutbirds.org/channel/38/Ontario_FeederWatch/

    Because she also likes the ocean, I found several videos of ocean waves gently or crashingly coming to shore. The search terms I used were ocean waves video with sound - I came up with lots. She now is sleeping to these, which I put on low power on the screen so as not to be too bright. When she gets restless in the overnight, it gives her something to focus on. I am playing one that runs for 11 hours this overnight.

    I think you'll find the people on TP to be gentle and helpful and supportive. I sure do.

    Keep us posted, Barry.
     

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