1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. MargaretP

    MargaretP Registered User

    Jan 21, 2007
    7
    I have a partner with Alhzeimers. We dont live together I just need to talk about it. It's very sad. I've lost a good friend. Anyone out there feels the same?
     
  2. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Margaret p
    welcome to TP.
    It is all very sad,my wife has Alzheimer's and I have lost her most of the time.
    Tell us what you want to talk about?
    I am sure you will get many answers ,and from memebers in a similar situation.
    Best wishes
    Norman
     
  3. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    1,157
    hi margret
    welcome to TP

    its my mum who has dementia, so its not quite the same as a partner, saying that we were very close and done lots of things together.
    however i know the devastating effect its had on my dad and what he's going through.
    youve come to the right place if you need to talk there are so many here in the same position,
    hope you'll find this forum as usefull as i have the past year, the tea room is a great place for getting cheered up.
    take care x
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,594
    Kent
    Hello Margaret, Welcome to TP.
    It`s a difficult thing to come to terms with and I remember when my husband was diagnosed, feeling cheated of all the plans we`d made for retirement. I still feel cheated. What we didn`t have time and money for when we were younger, is now denied to us when we have the time and money, but not the health.
    I`m sure you`ll get lots of support from everyone on TP. We all have different stories and will understand yours.
    Regareds, Sylvia
     
  5. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Hi Margaret, warm welcome to TP.

    I so feel for you..........Forgive me if I speak out of turn but...........neither wife, mother, (not even'live in'), does not make the hurt and heartache any easier.

    Tell us about yourself, and how we can try to help. Love,
     
  6. bel

    bel Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    757
    coventry
    lost a friend

    my hubby has dementia he is 60 but been ill for years i feel like i have lost a friend
    i can understand and i know talking on tp helps big time
    keep on talking you are in with people who care and under stand
    WELCOME TO TP
    sending love Bel x
     
  7. MargaretP

    MargaretP Registered User

    Jan 21, 2007
    7
    Hi it's Margaret I'm still trying out my new laptop. But thank you all for your replies. I'll talk some more tomorrow. Today has been pretty exhausting one way an another.
     
  8. MargaretP

    MargaretP Registered User

    Jan 21, 2007
    7
    MargaretP again

    Don't feel quite so bad today. Yesterday was quite funny in hindsight I guess. Took my partner Al shopping in the afternoon to buy some new water colours and canvasses (he was quite an artist but now still does some nice "sploshes" as he calls them). However, nearly lost him twice when I turned my back for a minute. Can you get reins for a grown up? Also he has developed a habit of hissing all the time which is quite off putting for the 'general public'!

    Went round today to pick him up and go to see mutual friends for an hour or so just to get him out - and me. Takes ages to get him organised and in the car. Then 5 minutes down the road he said he'd rather have stayed in and painted. You can't win sometimes. We had a nice time with them and got back to his place about 6pm. His dinner was on the side (left by carer) so sorted that out and then came home to get my supper. Why do I feel exhausted and guilty about leaving him?
    Anyway, I'm off to work in the morning and that's a real relief, I get involved with my work and don't think about anything else for a while. Also work with a nice crowd of fairly young people so we have a laugh.

    I'm still finding my way around this site. I'm amazed at how many people are in the same boat, or even worse and it's lovely to have somewhere to unload! Maybe sometime I can help someone else but at the moment I feel I'm just keeping my head above water!
    Thanks for listening.
    Margaret
     
  9. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Margaret,
    Don't worry about 'helping others' at present - I think many of us when we find TP are just managing to stay afloat. TP helps us work through some of our problems and feelings, and then we start to be able to offer more support - so unload as much as you want!
    Love Helen
     
  10. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,594
    Kent
    Hi Margaret, As Helen said, don`t worry that you won`t be helping others. In fact you will, because all the different information shared by TP members helps to form the whole picture of the complexities of Alzheimers. Love Sylvia x
     
  11. MargaretP

    MargaretP Registered User

    Jan 21, 2007
    7
    Hi Sylvia Thanks for your reply. I'm still finding this website pretty hard to find my way around.
    Anyway, today a friend of my partners has bought him a DVD player "a very simple one". They have no idea of how simple it would need to be for him to manage it! Already he has CD's confused with DVD's and he gets really frustrated when it doesn't work. Well watch this space for the next development.
    In the meantime, thanks for your interest.
    Margaret P
     
  12. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    MargaretP

    ASendin you a hug - feel you need it. Love
     

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  13. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,594
    Kent
    Hi Margaret.
    People don`t realize how difficult even the most simple task is to someone with Alzheimers, do they.
    My husband finds it impossible to open a CD case and many of them are now broken. He also keeps asking me why the CD won`t play, and when I look, he has placed the CD on top of the CD player, instead of inside.
    He is so upset when I show him.
    Love Sylvia x
     
  14. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hi Sylvia

    you are so right! It is not so much the simplicity of something, it is the newness - dementia patients don't adapt to anything new. It is, to a certain extent, the lack of understanding of the relevance of the new thing, and partly coordination of body and brain.

    In the last years that Jan was at home, I took over everything that needed to be done in the home. This was after I had searched for, and found, the simplest washing machine I could [costing £600]- one that just required filling with clothes, then one button being pressed. When Jan couldn't manage that - indeed she became very agitated when I tried to show her how - I finally realised we'd reached the end of a stage that had started with her first symptoms. At that time, we'd just switched the PC from DOS to the early Windows software, and for the first time Jan needed to understand how to use a mouse. She never did, and that marked her last time using the PC. Previously she had helped me by typing in all the articles for our local church newsletter.
     
  15. MargaretP

    MargaretP Registered User

    Jan 21, 2007
    7
    Hi Sylvia, well at least he didn't put 5 CDs in the player on top of each other and it still worked but only playing the bottom one which he didn't want on! Took me a while to realise what was wrong. Actually I find some CD cases quite hard to open, especially those with 2 or more CDs in! Anyway, went in today after work and the DVD player is still a mystery to him but we'll keep trying. He's also getting confused between CD player and DVD and thinks neither of them work. It's very tiring, for him and me, and tomorrow we'll go thru it again I guess. In the meantime keep smiling and thanks for your reply.
     
  16. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Jan alerted me to a problem with her eyes at one stage. she had used contact lenses for many years.

    I asked her to take her lens out.

    Still problems.

    I looked.

    Still a lens in there.

    Took that one out.

    Same thing.

    Jan had five contact lenses in the same eye - must have been the equivalent of an electron microscope.

    At lease CDs can't do physical harm..:eek:
     

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