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Registered User
May 8, 2006
My husband and I lived for 4 years with his grandmother who had dementia (we had to move out when she became wheel chair bound). She was so good to us and as her dementia progressed our roles changed and we cared for her as best we could. Frustration and anger were frequent emotions (our biggest rows were over which day it was and whether it was night or day!) but we had lots of laughs too. She was so sweet and loving (and often extremely funny).

Now my grandmother has been diagnosed with Alzheimers although we have suspected it for a long time. My mother and her brother spend most weekends travelling to see her, clean the flat etc. This is particularly wearing for my Mum for whom it is a 6 hour round trip. My grandma is also doubly incontinent but refuses to have someone in to help her wash and clean. It is a miracle she lets a carer in in the morning to help her take her medicine.

Does anyone have any ideas about some sort of support for my Mum who is stressed out with worry and racked with guilt because she never feels she is doing enough?

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
NW England
Hi, HMW77! Sorry, I'm no use on practical support ('just' managing to keep my mum at some level of independence in her own home) but I'm sure plenty of others here will point you in the right direction..... just wanted to say'welcome' you have come to the right place for support for yourself and your mum and grandmother... how lovely to be able share 'the nice side' of what you have already experienced with your husband's grandmother.... can your mother take some heart from those experiences?

Best wishes to you all, Karen


Registered User
May 20, 2004
The guilt monster again - it gets everywhere. It's in our nature to beat ourselves up but what does it achieve? I haven't got a magic answer to how to deal with it - it has beaten me in many a battle in the past but talking about the difficulties - here or if you're lucky in person with some sort of support professional - does help.

Your Mum will need as much if not more help than your Grandmother. I guess we go through a form of self inflicted brainwashing to survive. I certainly did. Reading the posts here and seeing that others have gone through the same or similar traumas and hearing (feeling) the warmth of the responses can be a great comfort.

Nothing is too trivial - just ask and someone will try to help. Good Luck



Registered User
May 9, 2006
Can anyone answer this?

I hope im posting in the right place but im not sure what the answer is. My Mum has been drinking heavily for over 25 years. I was talking to the relative of an AD sufferer the other day who said I should look at this a little closer. Mum is showing minor signs of AD like needless aggression, blame on others, forgetfulness of simple things, sentence confusion, people confusion, serious repetition, total loss of tolerance and sence of humour. Is this early signs of Alzheimer's or is it the alcohol or maybe both? I am trying to get the family together to speak to her and her GP but it's hard to do as she is in denial and the drinking is a very taboo subject.


Registered User
Jul 15, 2005
My Mum has been drinking heavily for over 25 years. I was talking to the relative of an AD sufferer the other day who said I should look at this a little closer
Hi Kankin,
In the beginning I thought my Mom's dimentia might be alcohol induced because she too has always drank on a daily basis and in the past quiet heavily. There is a alcohol induced dimentia. But Mom's is Alzheimers and noone knows exactly why some people get it. You GP can only determine what is going on. Denial seems to be quiet common with all of us in the beginning. I hope you will be able to get her to the doctor and get some answers.
Good luck,