Hi All,
I've just spent a couple of hours reading the post on here and wanted to post something, to get it off my chest more than anything else. So here goes.
My father has been in the earky stages of Dementia for some time (who knows how long - difficult to say i guess - they moved down from the North to Bournemouth to be near me when my other brother emigrated to OZ (I have 3 brothers - one in OZ, one in New Zealand and my other brother is in Hull still - unfortunatly he's an alcoholic - so he isn't much help).
Dad's condition has got worse quite quickly as he's had a few fits (he's been on epilim for some time - he had an AVM (perhaps someone else can elaborate on this) about 10 years ago, and everytieme he has a fit he seems to get worse.
They have lived close to me for about 3 years - Mum was coping quite well - Dad had been into respite once while Mum had to go into hospital to have a stent put in (she had very mild heart attack and they did the op as soon as she went in). After she came out things seemed to be going ok - Dad is not good on his feet and she was caring for him 24/7. However things seemed to be OK so my Girlfriend and i went on holiday. I called Mum everyday to see that she was OK etc which she seemed to be .
Then i got the phone call that Mum had passed away (heart attack - panic set in and i got the first flight home. The neighbours had not seen any activety in the house and let themselves in - they found Dad wandering around naked and he was starving. They sorted him out and looked after him til I got back.
I had to make some very quick desicions and I think that with the help of my brother Marc (the one in OZ - he flew back for Mum funeral and helped me for a couple of weeks) we have made the right choices. Dad has had to go into a home - I run my own business and it would have been impossible for me to look after him - (i spent many sleepless nights over the choice and I know what other people are goign though having to make that choice) The home is excellent - and in some respects allmost has given him a new lease of life - he still asks about going home - i understand that this is very common - but this is getting less and less - I think that he is starting to accept that the home is now HIS home, and i think that this will improve over time.I get to see him at least every other day - I try and get there every day and feel racked with guilt if i can;t get to see him. However he does accept that I can't make it every day.
In a way I guess that we are lucky - we can still go out to the pub for a pint as father and son - and from time to time we have what I call our "clarity moments" where it's as if he wasn;t suffering at all. We have lunch somedays too - his eating isn't great - he tends to be a bit messy and eats with his hands!! , but we allways go to the same pub with a disabled space right near the door and the staff know us now and accept it .
I'm finding it hard as all of a sudden I've had to do everything that Mum was doing - and it;s made me realise how much she did and how hard it was for her, she was looking after things 24/7. The main thing that I miss is someone to talk to about it all guess that's why I'm on here. My GF is amazing and has been so supportive - I just wish my family wasn't on the other side of the world.
Right that's it - got it all off my chest!!!
If the one thing that I've learnt from this that I could say to others - is enjoy the time you have and make the most of it - taking Dad out for a pint can be a real effort - but the hour we get together (sometimes just half an hour) is worth it - we can both forget everything and enjoy each others comany.
Just cause he's got dementia - he;s still my Dad and a great person - and I love him to bits.
Thanks for letting me get it off my chest!
Giles 32
Dad 76
Mum 64 when she passed away
I've just spent a couple of hours reading the post on here and wanted to post something, to get it off my chest more than anything else. So here goes.
My father has been in the earky stages of Dementia for some time (who knows how long - difficult to say i guess - they moved down from the North to Bournemouth to be near me when my other brother emigrated to OZ (I have 3 brothers - one in OZ, one in New Zealand and my other brother is in Hull still - unfortunatly he's an alcoholic - so he isn't much help).
Dad's condition has got worse quite quickly as he's had a few fits (he's been on epilim for some time - he had an AVM (perhaps someone else can elaborate on this) about 10 years ago, and everytieme he has a fit he seems to get worse.
They have lived close to me for about 3 years - Mum was coping quite well - Dad had been into respite once while Mum had to go into hospital to have a stent put in (she had very mild heart attack and they did the op as soon as she went in). After she came out things seemed to be going ok - Dad is not good on his feet and she was caring for him 24/7. However things seemed to be OK so my Girlfriend and i went on holiday. I called Mum everyday to see that she was OK etc which she seemed to be .
Then i got the phone call that Mum had passed away (heart attack - panic set in and i got the first flight home. The neighbours had not seen any activety in the house and let themselves in - they found Dad wandering around naked and he was starving. They sorted him out and looked after him til I got back.
I had to make some very quick desicions and I think that with the help of my brother Marc (the one in OZ - he flew back for Mum funeral and helped me for a couple of weeks) we have made the right choices. Dad has had to go into a home - I run my own business and it would have been impossible for me to look after him - (i spent many sleepless nights over the choice and I know what other people are goign though having to make that choice) The home is excellent - and in some respects allmost has given him a new lease of life - he still asks about going home - i understand that this is very common - but this is getting less and less - I think that he is starting to accept that the home is now HIS home, and i think that this will improve over time.I get to see him at least every other day - I try and get there every day and feel racked with guilt if i can;t get to see him. However he does accept that I can't make it every day.
In a way I guess that we are lucky - we can still go out to the pub for a pint as father and son - and from time to time we have what I call our "clarity moments" where it's as if he wasn;t suffering at all. We have lunch somedays too - his eating isn't great - he tends to be a bit messy and eats with his hands!! , but we allways go to the same pub with a disabled space right near the door and the staff know us now and accept it .
I'm finding it hard as all of a sudden I've had to do everything that Mum was doing - and it;s made me realise how much she did and how hard it was for her, she was looking after things 24/7. The main thing that I miss is someone to talk to about it all guess that's why I'm on here. My GF is amazing and has been so supportive - I just wish my family wasn't on the other side of the world.
Right that's it - got it all off my chest!!!
If the one thing that I've learnt from this that I could say to others - is enjoy the time you have and make the most of it - taking Dad out for a pint can be a real effort - but the hour we get together (sometimes just half an hour) is worth it - we can both forget everything and enjoy each others comany.
Just cause he's got dementia - he;s still my Dad and a great person - and I love him to bits.
Thanks for letting me get it off my chest!
Giles 32
Dad 76
Mum 64 when she passed away
