Hello
Hi, I'm new to this too, when I read your message I felt that I wanted to contribute too. About 18 months ago, our family hit crisis point. I had a phone call at 4am from a police officer telling me that my mother had jumped out of the living room window to escape from my father. I asked to speak to my mum, dad was too upset to speak, and she went on to tell me that dad had trapped her in the house and was going to kill her! She sounded so convinced and not at all confused, yet I knew that for the last 8 to 10 years mums memory had been deterrating, the doctor acknowledged there was a problem but dad refused to let anyone get involved, always changing the subject with 'We manage fine, don't we mother?' to which mum would reply 'yes'.My sister and I would try to do a bit of hoovering or housework, only to be caught and told that they managed o.k and to stop at once, but we knew that things were getting out of control. The housework was almost non existent, their clothes were often grubby and I can't begin to discribe the state of the fridge.Dad had never been good at any of that and if you ever offered to help mum she always said 'Oh I've just done the hoovering, cleaning etc.
Mum had become very aggitated at night, would'nt sleep, and would wander the house trying to escape. For months, dad hardly got any sleep. All this while suffering from prostate cancer that had travelled into his spine, ribs, thighs. He did'nt tell anyone because he was terrified that she would be taken from him and put into care............ofcourse, after she jumped out of the window trying to get away from him, everything he dreaded happened and she had to go into a care home, so dad could recover. He was a broken man. My strong independent dad, was heartbroken. After a couple of weeks of crying,sleeping and feeling incredibly lonely, he contacted a care agency and hired a 24 hr carer to live in. With out notice he drove to the care home and picked up mum.That was 11 months ago, and although mum was still a handful, dad could'nt have been happier.
Dad died on the 26th February, 2008. I promised that I would do my best to keep mum at home, and that's what I'm going to do. So my mums care is now mine and my sisters responsibility. We have lots of things to sort out, but just like dad, we'll do the best we can for her. She deserves it.
Jane x