new to this

animal

Registered User
Jan 26, 2008
1
southend essex
Hello everyone, as you have guessed i am a new member and myself and my sister have just had confirmed for definite that my mum has senile dementia, it has taken us a while to confirm this as both my mum and dad have kept things from us, i think as a form of denial.
Hopefully we can interact with everyone and learn more from everyones experiences.
 

gigi

Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
7,788
66
East Midlands
that my mum has senile dementia,
Hello Animal...welcome..:)

You'll find a lot of support here on TP..as I have..There is a wide range of people with a lot of experience who can help..

If you want to go into further details about what's happening with your mum and dad that's fine.

Denial is very common in the early stages of dementia..

Keep in touch and let us know how things are..

Love Gigi x
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Hi Animal, welcome to TP.

I'm sorry your mum has had this diagnosis, you've a rocky road ahead of you.

But well done for finding this forum so quickly, it's the best source of support and information around.

Just post whenever you have a question, or just want to talk.

Love,
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,972
Derbyshire
Just to say hello and sorry that you have this diagnosis to handle.

TP is an excellent form of information and relief - you can question or rant as you wish.

Keep posting. Jan
 

snooky

Registered User
May 12, 2007
104
devon
Just wanted to added my welcome to TP. Sorry about your mum being diagnosed, but you will find lots of support, advice, answers and friendship on here, from people who really know what you are going through.

Keep in touch.

Snooky x
 

frederickgt

Registered User
Jun 4, 2005
124
92
Hornchurch,Essex
Hello.sorry to hear your news,you are going to need patience,love and understanding in large doses,I know,I have been there,but you wil find it and a lot of help here in T.P,just as I did.Keep in touch.
fred GT
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,129
Kent
Hello animal and welcome from me too.

Now you know your mother has dementia, I hope both your parents will feel a sense of relief that they have unburdened themselves. It must have been a strain for both of them trying to keep up a pretence.

I hope you get the support you need from TP. It has been a life saver to many of us. Just feel free to off load, we all know where you`re coming from.

Love xx
 

Nell

Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
1,170
68
Australia
Dear Animal,
I also welcome you to TP. I am sorry you have been put in this awful situation but you will find much help and support here - and a place to "offload" when you need to.

The best thing you can do for your parents now is to support each of them as far as possible - but remembering that you have a life to lead too. As time goes on, it will be clearer to see what each of your parents needs in the way of support and help.

Every best wish for the long road ahead.
 

Cliff

Registered User
Jun 29, 2007
777
North Wales
Hello animal,

Just a welcome to TP. We are there before you so we can understand anything you have to say. It is not easy, it is going to test your patience but if you love them , am sure you do, you'll find a lot of help here.

Please accept our love,
 

lesmisralbles

Account Closed
Nov 23, 2007
5,543
Hi animal

Welcome
I only joined early this month, the help and advice I receive is wonderful
Please, any problems, post on this site, the help you will get, - just to talk, well it has helped me.
Barb
 

christine_batch

Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
3,388
Buckinghamshire
Hello Animal,
Welcome to Talking Point.
As all the previous messages have said, we are all here to support each other through the good days, the bad days and just to rant, we even laugh and cry together.
You will soon feel your amongst friends.
Best wishes.
Christine
 

Scoop

Registered User
Nov 20, 2006
99
It's a great place to talk, I've been here a year now (albeit on and off )and the support is great! I find it's also helpful to have a place to write stuff down too!

Very helpful to know you aren't alone and that anothers understand what's going on.

Scott
 

Doreen99

Registered User
Jan 12, 2008
66
Sheffield
Hi Animal

just wanted to add my welcome to everybody else's. I haven't been a member long, but I've been made welcome and had some excellent advice. I'm sure you'll find TP a great help.
 

jane@hotmail

Registered User
Mar 13, 2008
49
Bedfordshire
Hello

Hi, I'm new to this too, when I read your message I felt that I wanted to contribute too. About 18 months ago, our family hit crisis point. I had a phone call at 4am from a police officer telling me that my mother had jumped out of the living room window to escape from my father. I asked to speak to my mum, dad was too upset to speak, and she went on to tell me that dad had trapped her in the house and was going to kill her! She sounded so convinced and not at all confused, yet I knew that for the last 8 to 10 years mums memory had been deterrating, the doctor acknowledged there was a problem but dad refused to let anyone get involved, always changing the subject with 'We manage fine, don't we mother?' to which mum would reply 'yes'.My sister and I would try to do a bit of hoovering or housework, only to be caught and told that they managed o.k and to stop at once, but we knew that things were getting out of control. The housework was almost non existent, their clothes were often grubby and I can't begin to discribe the state of the fridge.Dad had never been good at any of that and if you ever offered to help mum she always said 'Oh I've just done the hoovering, cleaning etc.
Mum had become very aggitated at night, would'nt sleep, and would wander the house trying to escape. For months, dad hardly got any sleep. All this while suffering from prostate cancer that had travelled into his spine, ribs, thighs. He did'nt tell anyone because he was terrified that she would be taken from him and put into care............ofcourse, after she jumped out of the window trying to get away from him, everything he dreaded happened and she had to go into a care home, so dad could recover. He was a broken man. My strong independent dad, was heartbroken. After a couple of weeks of crying,sleeping and feeling incredibly lonely, he contacted a care agency and hired a 24 hr carer to live in. With out notice he drove to the care home and picked up mum.That was 11 months ago, and although mum was still a handful, dad could'nt have been happier.
Dad died on the 26th February, 2008. I promised that I would do my best to keep mum at home, and that's what I'm going to do. So my mums care is now mine and my sisters responsibility. We have lots of things to sort out, but just like dad, we'll do the best we can for her. She deserves it.

Jane x
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,129
Kent
Hello Jane.
Thank you for your story. Such a sad story too, but one filled with the closeness of a loving family.
I am so sorry you`ve lost your father but full of admiration for the way you and your sister are planning to take his place in the caring of your mother.
I hope you stay with us on Talking Point [TP]. There is support for both you and your sisiter if you need it.
Love xx
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Dear Jane

Your story brought tears to my eyes. What a wonderful, brave man your father was, I'm so sorry you've lost him.

I know you and your sister will do everything you can for your mum. But take all the help you can get, it's not an easy job.

Please come and talk to us whenever you need some advice or support, there's almose always someone who has had a similar experience, and it's so good to compare notes.

Love,
 
1

117katie

Guest
One very unusual and very sad story to read. And your very first ever post on TP too, which takes my breath away, as they say.

How have you coped for the last 18 months? Would have beaten many of us into a pulp. Your Dad did well to phone and contact the care agency and then engage a 24/7 live-in carer. So who knows what he might have been capable of arranging.

No suggestions to offer as to where you go now. Apart from that if your Mum had to go into a care home, then did she have a Social Worker to assist her and you? If so, then suggest you contact same social worker to help you now with the future challenges.

If she never had a social worker, then suggest you ask for one now.

Hope that it all works well and that you will receive the help you need. A very strange story indeed for all of us to read and to think about.

KT
 

nickyd

Registered User
Oct 20, 2007
146
49
warwickshire
Dear Jane,
Welcome to TP,
I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad!
You're story is so, so sad. But at the same time, wonderful to hear what a devoted and determined Man your Dad was..
I'm sure you will continue to do your best for your Mum as you say,
Wishing you well and keep posting,
Lots of Love,