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[katdan]

I have just joined due to my Dad who is 89, I don't think he has alzheimers as he knows who I am but he does get confused and forgetfull. I have been to see him today and the gas from his oven was on he does not remember putting it on. Also he repeats everything he has said already. I do not know what to do as I worry about him. He will not come and live with us but I am always scared what I will find when I go and see him. I cannot go every day as I work. He will not go and see the doctor. We lost my mum town years in March and he has deterioated since then. I don't know if anyone can give me any advice. It would be nice to know that there are people that I can talk to.

Katdan

 

[Grannie G]

Hello katdan, welcome to TP.

If you cannot get your father to the doctor`s, perhaps you could see the doctor for him.

Write down all your concerns and make an appointment. If the doctor refuses to discuss your father with you, he will listen to what you have to say, and either advise you how to proceed, make a home visit, or get your father into the surgery for a check up, or something similar.

I hope this helps.

Take care xx

 

[katdan]

Thanks for that Sylvia, but I don't want to go behind Dads back also he has no faith in his GP and won't go to see him for anything.

Katdan

 

[jenniferpa]

Katdan - you're going to have to balance your desire to "not go behind his back" with your concerns for his safety. You are unlikely to get any help from social services, for example, until you have had some form of diagnosis and to do that, that really means the GP. All I can say is - eventually it will get to a point where the safety issues tip the balance. Incidentally - knowing who you are is absolutely no reason to rule out Alzheimer's disease, or most of the other dementias. Some people lose their ability to recognize people quite early on, while other never do, so it's hardly a litmus test.

You could, in the mean time, look at applying for attendance allowance on his behalf. I was told that if you're over 80 when you apply, it's practically a certainty that you'll get at least the lower level. That would perhaps allow you to employ someone to lighten your load a little.

 

[connie]

katdan, I have moved your thread into the main support area.
Hopefully you will get more support, maybe from someone who has trod a similar path.

 

[Brucie]

I agree with what the others have said.

Bear in mind that

I don't think he has alzheimers as he knows who I am

- this doesn't compute as a diagnostic!

Having Alzheimer's is a progression and at the start and until quite far along, people may/will recognise others. It depends on the stage and how the brain has been affected.

There may be other reasons why it is not Alzheimer's but this one fact is in no way conclusive.

There are also other forms of dementia that present their symptoms differently.

And on top of all that, there are other conditions entirely that appear to present in the same way as dementia.

Given that there appear to be safety issues with the gas, issues that may have implications not only for him, it would seem sensible to try and find out if there is anything amiss.

I'd be contacting the surgery and asking if they can do an MOT on him - many surgeries do this, and he might be willing to go along with it if he felt that a general screening was being done.

 

[Grannie G]

Thanks for that Sylvia, but I don't want to go behind Dads back also he has no faith in his GP and won't go to see him for anything.

Katdan

Hello katdan

I`m sorry if you thought I was trying to encourage you to do something underhand.

Going behind someone`s back, goes against the grain with most of us, until we realize it`s the only way we can ensure the health and safety of those we love. They are the ones who have gradually become very vulnerable, and are either too stubborn or too afraid to seek help for themselves.

I hope you find a way round getting some help for your father.

Take care xx

 

[SusanB]

Hello, Katdan

I can empathise with your situation. How my sister and I did it for our Mum was the following:

1. Appt with Mum's GP to discuss our worries about Mum's declining mental health. He was happy to do this.
2. Letter to Mum from surgery requesting her to attend for a "general check up"
3. "General check up" mainly consisted of a memory test.
4. Results of test were poor!
5. Mum was referred to the hospital for more in-depth tests
6. Further tests at hospital revealed Vascular dementia, even though she refused a CT scan

It does sound as though your Dad is starting to decline into dementia of some sort (Dementia is over general term - apparently there are about 100 different kinds! Scary) and he will need some help. Do visit your GP. Yes, I know that in theory it's "behind his back" but when it's very much in the patient's interest you will find a warm welcome, hopefully, and some practical next steps.

Good luck. My family is at the early-middle stages with dementia. Sometimes she has good days, others are dreadful but we are getting some good support.

Will you let us know how you get on?

 

[SusanB]

Forgot to add...

Just re-read your post. The fact that he left the gas on means that your dear old Dad is now puting himself at grave physical risk of harm and this will be viewed with great concern by the GP (or at least it should be!)and subsequently by social services.

Do emphasise to him/her that this has happened.

You will meet resistance from your Dad but keep going.

S.

 

[Margarita]

My mother also went down hill when my father passed away , that was when she showed so much decline in her mental heath .

My mother also did not want to go to see any doctor also , so I took her to doctor on the pretense
of her diabetic .

write down all your concerns hand it to doctor, while at doctor appointment, may help .

may sound underhand , but at appointment my mother could not follow thread of conversation , so I got in conversation with doctor my concerns , while mum was saying what did you say ? back then I did not know what dementia or AZ was , but I new they was something wrong with mum , so for me to help mum I just had to know what was wrong with her .

Doctor must of just pick up on it , so rather then ask mum question, as she could see how angry mum was getting , she
done referral to the elderly consultant at our local hospital .

from they memory test , brain scan told us that mum had AZ

 

[katdan]

Thanks to everyone for your kind advise. I have booked an appointment with Dads doctor for tomorrow (without Dad) and I will explain everything to him. My Dad did go to the memory clinic a few years ago and they said that he had been having mini strokes but he is so much worse now. The only thing I am worried about is the doctor who the family do not have much confidence in. I will let you know how I get on and thanks once again it is so nice to know there are other people out there with whom I can talk to.

Katdan

 

[Grannie G]

Well done katdan.

If you are not happy with the GP, you have every right to ask for a referral to a specialist. But you never know, it might be better this time. Please let us know how you get on.

Love xx

 

[Doreen99]

Thanks to everyone for your kind advise. I have booked an appointment with Dads doctor for tomorrow (without Dad) and I will explain everything to him. My Dad did go to the memory clinic a few years ago and they said that he had been having mini strokes but he is so much worse now. The only thing I am worried about is the doctor who the family do not have much confidence in. I will let you know how I get on and thanks once again it is so nice to know there are other people out there with whom I can talk to.

Katdan

It's awful when you don't have a good GP. I'm lucky, the local group practice has several doctors who are particularly good with the elderly and who really care.

If you don't have much success with the one you see, is there another at the practice who might be more helpful?

 

[katdan]

There is only the one GP which my Dad has not been to for a while as he does not like him, we also had little success with him when my Mum was ill and sadly passed away, the surgery have never been in touch even though they know how old my Dad is - not a very caring practice!!

 

[Doreen99]

There is only the one GP which my Dad has not been to for a while as he does not like him, we also had little success with him when my Mum was ill and sadly passed away, the surgery have never been in touch even though they know how old my Dad is - not a very caring practice!!

How awful - could you ask around and see if there is another practice in the area that's better. You can find the GPs in your area on the NHS Direct website.

 

[katdan]

I will see how things go tomorrow, I don't think that any other practice would accpet Dad due to his age.

 

[Doreen99]

I'll keep my fingers crossed all goes well for you. If you're not happy with the response, perhaps the Manchester branch of the AS could offer you some advice?

 

[katdan]

I saw Dads doctor today and he is referring him to a doctor who will visit him at home to evaluate him, he said I should hear from her within 2 weeks. Although I sometimes find it difficult to cope with Dad, after reading some of the stories here I feel like a fraud as Dad is not as bad as some.

 

[jenniferpa]

Good for you. I used to think that as well - my mother wasn't nearly as bad as some people, but on this forum I don't think I've ever seen any "my situation is worse than your situation" oneupmanship. As far as we're concerned we're all in the boat together.

With regard to changing doctors and your father's age - I do not believe that , if a doctor's list is open, they are able to refuse someone on such a basis. However, if you were thinking of changing doctors, you might ask local care homes who they use for their GP. Those GP's usually have an interest in geriatric medicine and tend to be more on the ball about it as well.

 

[katdan]

Thanks for that Jennifer, sometimes you just need a bit a reassurance, I will see what happens with the doctor before thinking of changing.

Katdan