new to this


Registered User
Jan 15, 2007
My mum is currently in hospital being assessed for dementia she was previously in a nursing home but they could not cope because of her behaviour problems and they were not dementia registered.
The problem was that she had to stay in the home because there were no beds in the hospital. My mums problems range from paranioa and obssessions with the toilet she would sit on the toilet all day if she could, not necesserily doing anything, if she couldnt stay on the toilet she would be shouting for the nurse at the home all day and night not getting any sleep has anybody else had this problem with their relatives, it was very distressing for her and for us when we visited. She also told me that I wasn't her daughter I sounded like her but I wasn't her and everybody was abusing her nobody likes her It was very upsetting . Went to see mum at the hospital on sunday and I could actually have a short conversation with her she is on medication which the doctors are trying to get right so she can move to an emi home.It is very difficult to find a decent one and my mums SW appears to be putting me under pressure to find one even though she could be in hospital for another 3 weeks.
Mum is very frail about 5 stone not able to walk and now she won't eat vegetables, fruit, chocolate because she thinks people are putting things in her food. this has all happened in about 4 month gradually with the paranoia getting out of hand.
I know I have gone on a bit but this is my first time on the forum can anyone tell me from their own experience if things will get a little easier for mum when she goes to the emi nursing home I just want her to comfortable and for me not to be in tears all the time.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Dear Linda, I`m so sorry your mother is going through such a difficult period. From my experience, Social Workers are very careful not to recommend care homes, for fear of comeback, so the onus is on you.
It`s bad enough, when you aren`t under such stress, to go round investigating homes, but at times like these it really would help if you had some advice and support.
I can only say she might find life easier once the medication is at the right level and if you manage to find a good home, she should be well cared for. EMI units are used to all behaviours.
Look after yourself, love, Sylvia x


Registered User
Jan 15, 2007

Thankyou for your lovely reply I am going to try and be more positive regarding the emi homes at least they will have nurses who are used to dealing with people like my mum. When I went to see mum on sunday she actually let me hold her hand and that is something she hasn't let me do for a long time.




Registered User
Nov 22, 2006
Looking for the right home is so difficult when you are already upset and worried. The SW is probably trying to encourage you so that when the time comes you haven't got to rush into a decision. EMI units are used to "different" behaviour and many carers have a knack with these sorts of people. Try and visit unannounced to make an appt. some homes will let you look straight away. No EMI home is going to seem like a place you would want your parent to live but consider staffing levels and your gut feeling rather than equipment and all mod cons. Ask about night cover and how they deal with "difficult" situations. My mother had vascular dementia and was sedated without me knowing about it.

Such a horrid time for you - hope you find a good place.


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
My mother is in respite at the moment, when I phone they said that my mother ringing them every half hour to go to the toilet .

Now my mother does not do this at home , Just a thought ! so am wondering if your mother going to the toilet , calling them all the time could be because that make her feel safe, a change in they surrounding does confuse them a lot, so maybe in a week or so your mother will settle down, them you may find even when the medication does work in her system, and angina she have to move into care home she became unsettle again.

However, once you have found her a care home you like her to live in, she settle down after a while.

Tell social worker to stop putting purser on you in finding a home , she can give you a list , it deepens if your self funding or not , if your not self funding social worker should advice you what home they cover .


My socail worker say that they do not call them EMI home anymore they are Nurseling home or residential home For people with dementia / AZ . I always get Always get confused when someone says EMI home in TP what is EMI what does it stand for as I am wondering why they change it to Nursing home , I could of ask social worker , but did not
Last edited:


Registered User
Jan 15, 2007

Thankyou for your reply EMI stands for elderly mental infirm I didn't know what it was until my SW told to I must look for a nursing EMI home for my mum. There are none in my area so we are having to look outside area we live. My mum has a lot of medical needs so it has to be nursing care.

I also hope that when the she is settled all this toilet paranoia will stop very distressing for her. We have looked at 2 homes today only 1 place left in each. Not much choice at all.


Registered User
Nov 19, 2006
My mum was in dementia registered residential home until nov last year when she had deteriorated so much that social services stated that she needed EMI care. I managed to find her a suitable place and she seems to be settling in.
You will find that if you get a good EMI home with the necessary experience then nothing will phase them.
I used to feel really embarassed by some of mum's behaviour in the last home but here the staff take it all in their stride and make me feel so much more at ease that mum has the necessary care.
Good luck with the search. It's not pleasant - The mere mention of EMI homes used to scare me but once you start to meet the staff and see what they can achieve with the residents you should feel a lot more comfortable with your decision.
Good Luck!:)