New to this!

[truckman]

I am posting here today as my wife has asked me to, she thinks it may help.
posting on a forum is not a normal thing for me and I find it very difficult. I am not a weak person but at this moment I find myself holding back the tears without knowing why.
First of all I used to be a bus driver and then ran my own factory for a good number of years untilk my wife injured her back. I then decided to go back to my love of driving a truck and whent to work on the continent.
I appologise if this is to much to write, I am 45 years old and 5 years ago I had several small strokes, Hardley any symptoms. I only discoverd this much later after I had a routine blood test for severe headaches and had to have a MRI scan wich showed several lesions.
over the last 18 months or so I started to get memory los, forgetting where I was whilst out in the car, constantly repeating myself and getting letters mixed up when writing.
My doctor refered me to a memory clinic which I attended yesterday with my wife. I went in one room to do a test and my wife in with a docter. When I came out my wife was still in there and seemed like forever. She said a nurse came in with the test results and the doctor had a quick look and said ther ewere some thing need to be looked at and kept asking my wife if she needed counselling.
I have been aske dto go for a spect scan.
As a proud man who has always tried to be the best at whatever I have done, I cannot seem to cope with the embarresnent of looking like a fool/a complete idiot.
I said before I went that I would take it in my stride whatever, but the reallity is that I cant seem to. Sorry again for rabbeling on. Just have to wait for the spect scan.
Thanks

 

[Grannie G]

Oh dear, it is very frightening to think of what might be and I`m sure the thoughts would floor the toughest.

Please don`t be embarrassed. There is nothing set in stone that you should look a fool or an idiot. And from the sound of things I feel your wife would make sure you were well supported and held your dignity.

My husband also had a misconceeption about the way people would look at him and it made him very withdrawn. But more people are being made aware of Alzheimers/Dementia than ever before, thanks to people in the limelight standing up and speaking about their family members.

Please keep posting here. We all understand how you`re feeling. I don`t deny a diagnosis of Alzheimers/Dementia isn`t a body blow but it is nothing to be ashamed of.

 

[TinaT]

It is a frightening thing to feel you are losing your memory, a very frightening thing indeed. Many people here on TP have experience of early onset problems such as you have described and I'm sure you will get support here. There is also support out in your community where people with similar problems have founded support groups such as a local Alzhiemer Organisation or carer groups. The Local Authority should have a list of organisations where you could find friendship and help.

I hope that you have seen a consultant and you and your wife have good medical advice to guide you along the path. There is medication which can slow down the progression of memeory loss.

You still have some good faculties left! It isn't all doom and gloom and you still have a lot of living to do. You have problems which will force you and your wife to live in a different way than you anticipated. It is a shock to realise that things are not the same any more but hopefully, you will both show resiliance and will have many good years ahead of you both. It will take some adjusting and the path will be far from easy but take each day as it comes and make the very best you can of it.

As for how others see you, you will find that this testing period will show who are true friends and who were really just aquaintancies that you had picked up along life's journey.

As Sylvia says, thank goodness there is much more awareness and understanding nowadays. I cared for my husband at home for many years and in all that time I can honestly say I very rarely came across unpleasantness when out in public. I'm proud of my husband and proud of what abilities he still manages to keep together, despite his devastating disease. I feel about dementia just the same as I would if he suffered from cancer or any other disease. I feel no shame if his behaviour is 'strange' to other people. I explain very simply what his problems are, and more often than not we receive kindness and help.

Keep your chin up and be proud of yourself. It is neither your or your wife's fault that you have developed this disease and I think you will find that many people are kind and sympathetic to your problems.

xxTinaT

 

[truckman]

Thanks

last night I stayed awake all night. I dont know why but all I could think of was glass and yellow paper. i wanted to wake my wife to aske her but couldnt. .
I hope it changes and i get used to it( dont know how to word it) since the clinic yesterday I just cant seem to stop trying to remember things.

 

[Norrms]

Hiya

Hello and welcome, i myself am only 52yrs old and when i was first told i had Alzheimers i did exactly the same thing as you and tried to remember things from all my lifes expieriences but to continue to do so does more harm than good. Even people who do not have this horrid disease can remember everything. What you are trying to do is perfectly normal and will pass eventually.As odd as it sounds you may feel a little less stressed when you get thre results from your scan. I wish you all the luck in the world with that and always remember, myself or any of my friends on here will help all we can, best wishes, Norrms and family xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[gigi]

Hello truckman...

First of all..welcome to Talking Point.

Secondly..the fact that you've found us means that you are willing to talk to other people about what is happening to you...

You will find a great deal of support here..so before I say any more I sincerely hope you will keep posting.

As with any illness you are bound to be worried and concerned about yourself..it's very early days. Have the scan and take it from there..try to take one day at a time.

I dont know why but all I could think of was glass and yellow paper

..You know what? That brought back a childhood memory for me..

When I was a little girl and I was poorly mum used to buy Lucozade..in those days the bottle came covered in yellow cellophane..I used to peel it off the bottle and look through things at it..it always looked as though the sun was shining!

Thankyou for that! Please keep in touch..

Love xx

 

[truckman]

Thank you so much

I have already had 2 mri scans, but now need a spect scan. I feel better than i did this morning. dont feel like its just me now.
amongst the other health problens i think i just found it another kick in the teeth. i know i have to live with it but at the clinic yesterday i didnt feel anything absolutley nothing. no concern no worry nothing.
It was only last night it hit me. they are going to take away my hgv/pcv licence i kept telling my wife. that i would find hard to deal with but i know it coming.
I get a feeling of total disorientation and not knowing what to do sometimes. like i stand somewhere for a short while trying to figur out what to do, but unwilling to ask for looking stupid. although my wife is normally with me to give me a nudge,and i dont know if its the same for every one.
I want to tahnk everyone for their kind help
there are many thing i feel i need to know

 

[carrie99]

Hello

I am in much the same boat as Noorms, early onset of Alzeimer's diagnosed at 52.

Life, however, has ways of letting you live more normally than you will think you can. I have still been singing in an unaccompanied choir, although it is getting more difficult to keep up. So I will join a choral Society where I will find the music easier, and will not have to struggle.

I have discovered the U3A (university of the 3rd age), and they do 2 walks a week where I will be safe and not get lost, as I did once spectacularly once.

Do keep in touch as we all travel along the same road, together.

Carrie

 

[Izzy]

Hi there. I just wanted to say hi and welcome. My husband is older than you but I know that he still felt some of the feelings you describe. I know you will get masses of support on this forum. Take care. Izzy x

 

[donkey]

hello truckman. i welcome you along with everyone else hear. my husband went through the same as what you are experiencing for 3 years he too had mri and spect scan. my husbands speach went first and they have now diagnosed FTD. all the feelings that you are going through are what dave experienced but because he is so embarresed and such a private man he would not come on tp. we are all here for you so keep posting xx

 

[shelagh]

Hello, my name is Shelagh and I was diagnosed a year ago, and like you it was an unbelievable shock. But there is still life after the bad bad news. We are all different and this damned disease affects us all differently. I am still able to work as a counsellor and lecturer, but I can't drive and can't use numbers and oh lots of other things. Life is still wonderful - in parts. Take each moment as it comes and take whatever help is offered you.
This site is full of wonderful people who know this road well, either as carers or as people who have dementia. They'll be here for you. Be gentle with yourself as you come to an acceptance of what is happening.
With love
Shelagh

 

[Countryboy]

Reply to Truckman

Hi Truckman don’t let it worry you and feel embarrassed what other might think or say or rabbeling on as you put it unfortunately that what we do having this Illness, I think Shelagh’s reply was good advice I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2000 had an MRI scan in 2003 a second in 2004 which showed damage to my Frontal Lobes I was 58 but continued to work until my retirement age at 65 as yes there were problems DVLA granted me a driving licence for 9 years on a 12 month basis but I battled on writing
to them every year and in October this year when my licence was renewed it was granted for 3 years weather it was an error or not I don’t care, back to my illness I do silly things like boiling saucepans dry going to builder merchants for materials coming home having left some things on the counter driving back 5 miles or so trying to explain yes it can be difficult but the alternative would be to sit at home like a cabbage the other unfortunate thing for me is my swearing again unfortunately I find difficulty in conversation and although in my mind I know exactly what I want I don’t seem able to find the correct words again that appears odd to some people when for 23 years I worked for the Local Authority as a surveyor writing specifications/ contracts for building works, now I’m getting lost myself and feel I’m talking rubbish but basically Truckman it’s up to you and a supportive family and good medical team, I’m lucky I have both as I said Truckman Shelagh was spot on.

Cheers Tony

 

[truckman]

Good Morning

Hi and thanks for all the replies.
I would just like to say that today i feel like I would have 20 years ago.
I dont know why I felt like I did the last day or so I am not normaly an emotional person.
today I trhink maybe I should have let things settle a bit before I came on here.

things seem much clearer today,

 

[TinaT]

No you shouldn't have waited at all before posting here. It was great that you posted how you felt. This is THE PLACE where you can write whatever you are feeling. You don't have to mind your p's & q's and you can tell it exactly how it is for you. We understand, we have been through it ourselves or have cared for someone in your position. Please post as many times as you feel you want to.

Remember we are all in the same boat!

xxTinaT

 

[Lynne]

Dear Truckman

today I think maybe I should have let things settle a bit before I came on here.

Oh that's SO not so, you don't have to be in the depths of despair to talk to friends who understand, to get practical help ( without ever having to look any of us in the eye ) AND to help others who may be going through a similar experience. (You will have noticed that not only are there wives, husbands, sons & daughters who are carers posting here, there are also people like yourself who have had a diagnosis, but still functioning well and willing to help others.)

You need never be embarrassed to off-load here, whether with a practical issue or just to let off steam about something. I'm willing to bet that whatever you come up with, someone will already have been there or done it before you & be able to advise (or laugh about it with you!) Feeling emotion about something personal & important isn't weakness, as I'm sure you will see from other threads, although I realise that is the male stereotype.

Please keep posting, and Mrs Truckman (wise lady) too!

Best wishes

 

[jan2009]

Thanks Lynne,

Your words of wisdom lift my spirits.
I even got Jan to sighn up, thought she should take the advice she gave me lol...

Norman

Ooops.ust have signed in with her user id

 

[Vonny]

Welcome Jan Even if your husband does pinch your ID. Lovely that you've signed up to join us

Vonny xx

 

[jan2009]

Start of a New way of life for us

Hi Im Mrs Truckman Firstly I would like to thank everbody who has help my husband over this very tough week for him. As a new carer in the early stages,there as been a lot of emotions,lots of talking, trying to understand the changes that are going to be happening in our lifes from now on,it has been a lot to take in for both of us. I can support and do the very best that I can do for my husband,but I just felt that he needed this website to help put things into perspective for him.I think it worked.I to will be asking for advise.

Thanks.

 

[Barry]

Hi from Barry

Hi Truckman,

This always sounds a bad thing to say (but welcome to TP) and thank goodness your dear wife had the wisdom to ask you to write since your now among many friends that have also experienced your own present concerns, I myself was first diagnosed almost 5 years ago with Alzheimer’s and at first found it very difficult to come to term with but then I found the TP website and haven’t looked back since as your never alone on TP as all of us in this section have some type of dementia to which you should not fell the slightest embarrassment about or any of the affects from the condition, if you could spare some time read through some of the past threads that have been posted and you will see that you can gain a lot of motivation to help you in fighting the illness from us all.

Just keep on posting threads about even what might seem the slightest problem to you as I’m pretty sure that some of us have experienced exactly the same thing at some time.
Barry

 

[Bookworm]

Welcome

Just wanted to add my welcome to Mr & Mrs Truckman - I know you will find it really supportibe here with many practical ideas and informnation to allay fears especialy those "Unknown" ones which always seem worst. Sadly I can't get my husband to come here - I haven't tried - but he does not think there is anything wrong.