Hi, I’m new to this site. I searched for help with my mum. She is 89 has dementia but it hasn’t been determined exactly which but I think going on her symptoms that it is vascular. My issue at the moment is her eating and drinking. I found a thread where someone was describing the problem with their mum and it could have been my mum that was being described. She spits food out and says she can’t eat something because it gets all round her mouth, I have suggested she has water to help which she does but food still gets spat out. Mealtimes are a nightmare, I can deal with all the other stuff that comes with the dementia but the eating is doing me in. She also has heart failure which she has had for 6 years and meds have helped but recently she is struggling which could be down to the fact that she isn’t eating Or drinking properly and the last thing I want is for her to be admitted to hospital because of this. We were recently told that she also has indicators that she has cancer of the ovaries but we haven’t told her that and won’t until we feel the need. I am now going to buy and make some soups but blitz it so that there are no bits so hopefully this will go down and I can kill 2 birds with 1 stone and get her eating and drinking better. Watch this space and keep your fingers crossed for me.
New to this site and my mum’s eating is my problem
- Thread starter Diana28
- Start date
Hello @Diana28 and welcome to DTP
Has your mum had a SALT (Speech and Language Therapy) assessment? If not, then I would ask her GP to arrange for one. These people are the experts in all things to do with chewing and swallowing and they should be able to give advice on what sort of food to give her.
Has your mum had a SALT (Speech and Language Therapy) assessment? If not, then I would ask her GP to arrange for one. These people are the experts in all things to do with chewing and swallowing and they should be able to give advice on what sort of food to give her.
Hello, I’m also new to this site and can relate to your dilemma, it all sounds so familiar and exhausting. My Mum is 91 and was diagnosed 8 yrs ago with Alzheimer’s, we as a family now face even more challenges of mid/late stage. Her eating problem is slightly different to your Mum’s but how we deal with it is the same. My Mum has a good appetite, but eats like a little pig at the trough ! so you may say what’s the problem ? choking ! Your ‘e on the right track with blending everything and surprisingly most things can provide a safe, healthy meal, minus the risk of lumps and unchewed food. I have been close to meltdowns so many times with so many things, but the eating ( whatever form it might take ) is a seriously challenging one. I now put her food , usually in 2 separate small servings in a dessert bowl ( red is meant to be a good colour) and she has a teaspoon. She has a drinking beaker and we break up the eating with small sips of water. Our chart on the table with Slow,slow,slow and lots of smiley faces has been in vain. Sometimes if I’ve turned my back for 5 secs & left the beaker too close to her bowl, she’s tipped it all over her meal. I’m not a happy bunny, other family members have much more patience. We now have quite a strict regime ( she used to call me Hitler )with everything including meal times and eating. She sits at the table in the kitchen, we have wall charts for us, with menus, tasks, duties etc, we also prepare meals, blend and freeze which makes life much easier on very difficult days.Smoothies can also be a quick nourishing option. It’s possible that our Mum’s need to see a Dentist, maybe new dentures but the reality of that is another matter. Good luck , you’re not on your own, we’re all doing the very best we can for our loved ones. Take care and let us all know how you’re getting on.
Hi Canary. no my mum Had not had a SALT assessment but she is very deaf and wears hearing aids, this is another problem I’m faced with, because she is so deaf it is a problem communicating with her. She may hear you but the dementia means it takes her longer to process what you say, make sense of it and understand it. I find myself repeatIn things several times and each time I find I say the same thing in a different way as she finds it hard to hear the ‘soft’ sounding words. I’ve tried telling her that her Dr says she should eat, doesn’t always work. She ate a little better tonight and I found some chocolates and she had no trouble polishing them off?
I find I always have to be with OH when he has an appointment of any sort. He too is very deaf. If I wernt there he would not be able to give accurate replies to any questions he was asked and he certainly wouldnt remember what he was told
The SALT team should be able to give you tips on how to get her to swallow better and what sort of food to give her - softer consistency and non-lumpy stuff often works better. They have various grades of food consistancy
The SALT team should be able to give you tips on how to get her to swallow better and what sort of food to give her - softer consistency and non-lumpy stuff often works better. They have various grades of food consistancy
Hi Canary
When I next speak to her Dr I will mention this, one thing she does say is that things don’t taste good and I have asked her over and over what she fancies but she doesn’t know. I feel as though I’m going to go through the whole of the supermarket trying to find something she actually liked. Tonight I blitzed some soup which she ate but she said it wasn’t very nice. I wonder if she might need more salt or something in it to give it more taste.
The issue I just can’t get my head around is that when I give her something that she has shown an interest in, she announces that she can’t eat it for whatever reason. I then try and find something else to give her which she also rejects, I then have the guilty feeling when I’m stuck for what else I can try because everything is either too sweet, tastes disgusting or something else, that I’m starving her because I can’t find anything that she will eat.
Its no good asking them what they would like because their memories are from many years ago and their taste buds have changed. I remember being with mum in a canteen and she was looking at the food when she was asked what she wanted, she told them, it was put on her plate and given to her and within 30 seconds she was saying "I dont want this"
Its like giving food to a baby - you have to try things out. Try things like yoghurt, jelly, chocolate, cake.
The other thing I would like to mention (though Im aware that this may not be what is happening), is that in the late stages of dementia their appetite dwindles and they start eating less and less as their body starts to shut down. They are not starving themselves to death - it is part of the natural process.
Its like giving food to a baby - you have to try things out. Try things like yoghurt, jelly, chocolate, cake.
The other thing I would like to mention (though Im aware that this may not be what is happening), is that in the late stages of dementia their appetite dwindles and they start eating less and less as their body starts to shut down. They are not starving themselves to death - it is part of the natural process.
Hi Canary
i have been told this by several people but it is hard to get your head round it. Her appetite has definately started to dwindle only having small amounts here and there. I left her today with 2saucers, one had a few raspberries and a cut up plum and the other had a broken up digestive biscuit and some chocolate, hopefully when I return later some of it will have gone. My dad has trouble processing what is happening as he is with her all the time and will eat anything I give him, he keeps sayI gotta that surely it’s not right that she doesn’t eat much, I the have to try and tactfully tell him that as she is ill fighting cancer & has dementia that this will happen and we have to try and accept it.
My mother in law was very much like this . She had carers in to prepare her lunch and gradually her appetite dwindled to only eating third of the meal. She would say she had no appetite, or felt full ,only picking at cakes . Even when she was in the care home, she ate very little. I'm sorry but this may be just a normal progression of dementia.
My dad was like this in his last 6 months with cancer and Alzheimer’s. It’s called cachexia. They eat less, are not hungry and lose weight quite rapidly.
the Worst bit about this is I feel that I am starving her because I can’t find anything in the cupboard, fridge or food drawers that she really enjoys eating. yesterday we had a nurse get mum up and give her breakfast, the same that I give her each morning and she had about 2spoonfuls then wouldn’t eat anymore. At lunchtime my poor dad tried in vain to wake her for something to eat and even if he had she probably wouldn’t have had any. Then at tea time I offered her some oxtail soup(sieved) that was ?then I had some chicken and veg soup(sieved) again she didn’t want that, I finally offered her some ice cream, not something she would rave about, and she ate that
but it wasn’t really enough. I just wish I could come up with something she would really like and eat happily. Maybe I’ll have to go down the baby food route.
but it wasn’t really enough. I just wish I could come up with something she would really like and eat happily. Maybe I’ll have to go down the baby food route.Hi diana28
my mum is 83 with vascular dementia. About a year ago we had similar Mum would think she like to eat, chew and chew then spit it out on the plate or tissue - all very unpleasant. We tried the toddler meals but I think being low in salt they weren’t very tasty. she ate less and less then I mentioned my concerns to gp who prescribed ensure drinks which mum enjoys chilled and in a nice glass. We don’t fuss too much about the rest of her diet which is very trifle / rice pudding based. She does have an occasional meal just a few spoonfuls with lots of gravy. We had a SALT review which concluded she had a laboured swallow, which I think is an age thing. i know the responsibility feels overwhelming if you read my posts I regularly panic, but I have learnt so much from this site. Take care of you too
my mum is 83 with vascular dementia. About a year ago we had similar Mum would think she like to eat, chew and chew then spit it out on the plate or tissue - all very unpleasant. We tried the toddler meals but I think being low in salt they weren’t very tasty. she ate less and less then I mentioned my concerns to gp who prescribed ensure drinks which mum enjoys chilled and in a nice glass. We don’t fuss too much about the rest of her diet which is very trifle / rice pudding based. She does have an occasional meal just a few spoonfuls with lots of gravy. We had a SALT review which concluded she had a laboured swallow, which I think is an age thing. i know the responsibility feels overwhelming if you read my posts I regularly panic, but I have learnt so much from this site. Take care of you too
No, you are not starving her @Diana28 . Even in the final stage, when they stop eating altogether, its important to offer food - and that is what you are doing. If she needed the food, she would be hungry and would eat. You could ask her GP if she could have things like fortisip which is a nutritious drink.
I noticed that you mentioned that she is sleeping alot. Increased sleeping, lack of appetite and weight loss often occur in the final months of life and Im wondering if maybe (Im saying this very, very cautiously as I cant be sure), just maybe you are looking at the beginning of the end.
I noticed that you mentioned that she is sleeping alot. Increased sleeping, lack of appetite and weight loss often occur in the final months of life and Im wondering if maybe (Im saying this very, very cautiously as I cant be sure), just maybe you are looking at the beginning of the end.
Hi @Diana28, sorry to hear about Mum, it is really difficult. Have you checked Mum's mouth for any ulcers or other signs of infection - ice cream can be quite a pleasant relief in that situation which is why she may suddenly enjoy it. Mum's appetite diminished greatly and in the end ice cream was the only thing that she enjoyed. I think you can only keep offering but don't worry too much about a 'balanced diet' just what she wants, and perhaps try the calorie drinks too as @canary suggests. Please don't beat yourself up over this it is a normal progression of the disease, but I know it doesn't make it easier to accept. All the best.
Hi @Diana28 - I really feel for you as I had the same eating problem with my Mum. She also had Vascular Dementia. However, instead of spitting food out, she would secrete it in every nook and cranny you could think of - both in her apartment and later in her Care Home room.
It is in our nature to nurture and feed people, and I spent ages cajoling Mum to eat. I used any excuse and plenty of emotional blackmail - but the complicated stories that she made up about what happened to the food (for example, little boys coming in and flushing bananas down the loo) soon made me realise that sadly, I was unlikely to succeed.
My biggest success was with Fortisip. I called them 'milkshakes' and I bought them in bulk for carers to administer whilst Mum lived in a Retirement complex . Once at the CH, Mum had them on prescription and continued enjoying them. In her final months Mum enjoyed the kiddies fruit smoothies in cartons.
When Mum was still able to converse we saw the SALT team and Doctors who all tried to persuade her to eat. She promised faithfully that she would try, but she said she just wasn't hungry. Her promises were no sooner made than forgotten and her eating never improved.
I think I have tried every trick in the book. From 'let's share this, you have a piece, then I'll have a piece' to casually leaving tempting bits out for her. These ploys had very short lived success. The conclusion I came to, was that as dementia took so many things away from Mum, eating was one of the last things she was able to control herself - and she fully exercised the last of her remaining abilities.
One final thing, make sure that your Mum's bowel habits are OK. We all notice the tendency for older folk not to drink so much to avoid the upheaval of getting up and going to the loo. The same thing can happen when they experience bouts of constipation - or come to that, diarrhoea. Their thought processes associate food with discomfort - so they mentally eliminate the cause ... stop food going in so there's no discomfort when it comes out!
I was surprised that Mum existed for so long on so little. She was skeletal and hardly ate, but somehow she lived for 5+ years, existing mainly on Fortisip, cups of tea and sweet treats (the odd chocolate and biscuit).
I do hope the situation improves, as I remember just how helpless this makes you feel.
X
It is in our nature to nurture and feed people, and I spent ages cajoling Mum to eat. I used any excuse and plenty of emotional blackmail - but the complicated stories that she made up about what happened to the food (for example, little boys coming in and flushing bananas down the loo) soon made me realise that sadly, I was unlikely to succeed.
My biggest success was with Fortisip. I called them 'milkshakes' and I bought them in bulk for carers to administer whilst Mum lived in a Retirement complex . Once at the CH, Mum had them on prescription and continued enjoying them. In her final months Mum enjoyed the kiddies fruit smoothies in cartons.
When Mum was still able to converse we saw the SALT team and Doctors who all tried to persuade her to eat. She promised faithfully that she would try, but she said she just wasn't hungry. Her promises were no sooner made than forgotten and her eating never improved.
I think I have tried every trick in the book. From 'let's share this, you have a piece, then I'll have a piece' to casually leaving tempting bits out for her. These ploys had very short lived success. The conclusion I came to, was that as dementia took so many things away from Mum, eating was one of the last things she was able to control herself - and she fully exercised the last of her remaining abilities.
One final thing, make sure that your Mum's bowel habits are OK. We all notice the tendency for older folk not to drink so much to avoid the upheaval of getting up and going to the loo. The same thing can happen when they experience bouts of constipation - or come to that, diarrhoea. Their thought processes associate food with discomfort - so they mentally eliminate the cause ... stop food going in so there's no discomfort when it comes out!
I was surprised that Mum existed for so long on so little. She was skeletal and hardly ate, but somehow she lived for 5+ years, existing mainly on Fortisip, cups of tea and sweet treats (the odd chocolate and biscuit).
I do hope the situation improves, as I remember just how helpless this makes you feel.
X
Wow, thank you for all your words of encouragement. I will certainly speak to her Dr about the fortisip drinks, though knowing her they will be “too sweet”?. I managed to get her to eat her Ready Brek this morning and this evening she had a bit of mash with a sauce, then a few spoonfuls of yoghurt with some toddler puréed fruit and finally some ice cream. The nurses who visit have checked her mouth nothing going on there. I think she dislikes all the different textures in her mouth. When she ate her breakfast, which I spoon feed her so that it goes in, she stops after each mouthful to think About how it feels in her mouth, I told her not to think, we’ll shovel it in and she can have a mouthful of tea to wash it down. It worked she ate it all??. I have also noticed that not long after she has eaten she is far better mentally than before eating, which I tell her and it seems to register and she sometimes does eat what I bring her. After Reading what you have all said it makes me realise that so many other are struggling like me and I shouldn’t beat myself up over it, just do my best. As it is the one thing that she has total control over.
Hi @Diana28, there are a variety some are like juices and some like milkshakes, so there are some options - my Mum had them for some time on prescription and was never really a fan! Certainly worth a try though. You are spot on with your assessment - it is quite common place, just don't worry too much just do your best i.e. keep doing what you are doing.
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