New to this but would just like to say hi

angie b

Registered User
Sep 16, 2007
4
East Yorkshire
After finding this site I've been lurking in the back ground reading lots of post

Today I've become a member and would just like to say hello

My mum has end stage dementia so like many others on here I've been searching for answers.

There are a couple of things i'd like to ask but i'd like it to be clear and condense what i have to say first.If thats ok and makes sense.

however I have to say
I wish I had found this place a lot sooner as its already given me so much without even having to ask:)
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,687
Kent
Welcome angie.

Feel free to ask what you will. If there`s an answer you`ll be given it, but most of all you`ll be supported by many people who know what you`ve been through.

I`m sorry your mother is in the final stages of dementia and also wish you`d found TP sooner.

Love xx
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Hi angie, welcome to TP, I'm glad you've found us.

My husband too is end stage, and I'm finding it very hard. Ask your questions, you can do it a bit at a time if it's easier, and someone will try to help.

Love,
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
Frinton-on-Sea
Hi angie, welcome aboard. It would be lovely if none of us had the need for a place like this..............not always to be.

Ask away when you are ready. If we do not have the answers, we can at least listen.

I am sorry about your mum. My partner has been diagnosed now with end stage.............still could be years, as he otherwise is a relatively fit, younger man.

We can all try to learn from each other.
Thank you for your kind words:
I wish I had found this place a lot sooner as its already given me so much without even having to ask
 

angie b

Registered User
Sep 16, 2007
4
East Yorkshire
Thank you for a lovely warm welcome.

Had a rough week this week with mum and i guess i'm looking for a little comfort!!!

Just brought her back home from hospital on friday after been admitted for dehydration! she's not been eating or drinking and has lost a lot of weight.

To cut a long story short we have now come to a point were she really doesn't want to eat or drink.

We basically had three choices keep treating with a drip which she just keeps pulling out so not really an option.
We can peg feed but we as a family didn't want to go down this route,doctors would prefer we didn't as to the complications from this action.
We chose to bring her back to the nursing home home and give what food or water she would take and let nature handle the rest.

Yesterday when i visited she hadn't eaten more than a spoonfull,she was sleeping and not really aware we were there.

Today i've been and she's just wanted to walk (shuffling)around she's eaten a little more and taken a part of a milk shake off me.

Its been a good day for food and the fact she was moving around was brilliant but she looks like shes had enough .

I know no one can say for certain and all our loved ones are different in their own ways,but how can some one so frail and weak keep on running on barely nothing and be so different from day to day.

Two days ago i would have said she won't be with us long at this rate.Today I think theres still a spark.Tommorow is another day.
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
angie b said:
Two days ago i would have said she won't be with us long at this rate.Today I think theres still a spark.Tommorow is another day.
That's the trouble with this disease, Angie. People with AD change from day to day, and even from stage to stage.

I just told you John is end stage. The hospital consultant says he's end stage. Yet three weeks ago he was walking a mile a day, and next week, who know?

You just have to take things as they come, and be grateful for the good days.

By the way, I agree with you about the peg. I don't see any point in prolonging life artificially when there is no quality left.

You're doing fine.

Love,
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
Frinton-on-Sea
Angie love, can I say, from a really personal point of view, I am glad you have decided against PEG feeding. It really does not give them any control over their lives at all.

Moving swiftly on (I am a coward) you say:
Yesterday when i visited she hadn't eaten more than a spoonfull,she was sleeping and not really aware we were there.

Today i've been and she's just wanted to walk (shuffling)around she's eaten a little more and taken a part of a milk shake off me.

Its been a good day for food and the fact she was moving around was brilliant but she looks like shes had enough .
Angie love: as hard as it is, you can only go on doing what you are doing.
Giving love, giving strength, being there.
I realise this registers you feeling somewhat short of useless:
But always remember you are doing what your dear mum would want.............being kept calm, loved, and comfortable.
You will come through this........it will take as long as it takes......trite words, but true.

My thoughts and love go with you.
 

angie b

Registered User
Sep 16, 2007
4
East Yorkshire
I feel i'm doing the best I can but its those little twinges of guilt.Time its all about time.

The time i'm spending with her is little amounts but every day,having a family and being a working mum too you kind of feel like your letting everyone down.

The time I am spending with her is quality time though and the last few days I have realised that that i can hug and stroke her hands and tell i love her so easily and its the first time in our lives that we been so close.

We have always cared about and loved each other just never said it or showed it enough.
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
angie b said:
We have always cared about and loved each other just never said it or showed it enough.
That's so often the case with mums, isn't it? Some people do have very close relationships, but for most of us, mum is someone who's always there.

Until one day we realise that she may not be there for much longer, and then it becomes so important to keep telling her you love her.

Make the most of those moments, Angie. It doesn't matter that your visits aren't long, your family and job are important too. Besides, your mum is probably not up to long visits. Just make the most of whatever time you have, and you'll be building up happy memories for the future.

Love,
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,453
Hiya Angie,
We hail from the same part of the country.
the last few days I have realised that that i can hug and stroke her hands and tell i love her so easily and its the first time in our lives that we been so close.
just keep on doing that. It will bring comfort to both of you.

I know what you mean about feeling you are letting everyone down - you are not - what you are asking of yourself is something that it is just not possible to do.

Love Helen
 

janetruth

Registered User
Mar 20, 2007
563
nuneaton
Hi Angie b

You are your Mothers daughter and it's only when we have children of our own we understand the power of love.
Being there is all it takes.
Take care
Janetruth x
 

mel

Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
1,656
62
Sheffield
angie b said:
The time I am spending with her is quality time though and the last few days I have realised that that i can hug and stroke her hands and tell i love her so easily and its the first time in our lives that we been so close.

We have always cared about and loved each other just never said it or showed it enough.

Hi Angie

This is how I was with mum during her 2 month stay in hospital......maybe i'd held back for such a long time but i look back on her final days knowing that we were very close and i gave her comfort.
I also knew when the time was right for me to tell her it was ok to leave.

Treasure this time with her Angie

Take care
Love xx