1. janien

    janien Registered User

    Aug 2, 2015
    3
    Surrey
    Having problems adjusting to a definite diagnosis! Have spent the last 18mnths under a preliminary diagnosis which did not fit symptoms but have now been told that vascular dementia is the problem. Hesband has only just turned 60, I am still shocked with the diagnosis although I was half suspecting some sort of dementia. Am completely lost and sadly feeling very sorry for myself as well as devastated for my husband - what to do next?
     
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,302
    Female
    South coast
    Welcome to TP janien, though I am sorry about the reason
    I think the time around diagnosis is one of the most bewildering times. I am glad you have found your way here as there is so much experience from people who have already walked the path.

    I think firstly I would recommend that you get POA and will sorted for when its necessary,even though you wont need them yet. Then I would think about finances. Have you and/or your husband retired yet? Do either of you need to work for financial reasons? The answer to these will probably dictate where you go from here.

    Get in contact with your local branch of Alzheimers Society to see what can be offered locally.

    Remember that every dementia journey is different and not everything that you read on here will happen to your husband

    Ask questions - you can ask practically anything on here!
     
  3. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Welcome to TP, and you couldn't have come to a better place. It's perfectly natural to feel sorry for yourself, and I think it helps to come to terms with your situation. You love your hubby, and, as you say, you are devastated for him, but you never signed up for this, and it's a dreadful shock to realise what you now have to face.

    Whatever problems you encounter, you'll always find someone who has experienced them, and can offer help and sympathy. May I wish you all the best. xxx
     
  4. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,829
    UK
    Suspecting Dementia and then getting a diagnosis is like a punch to the stomach for a carer. If you feel that you need to get more information and things in place the best thing to do is call your local Alzheimer's Society, don't think too far ahead. Stay with us, you'll find a lot of support and answers here, there is such a large wealth of knowledge. Although you might not feel so now, it is important to take care of yourself too.
     
  5. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,661
    Salford
    Hi Janien, welcome to TP
    Like you I have a spouse diagnosed very young (she was 55 at the time) as you say "Am completely lost and sadly feeling very sorry for myself as well as devastated for my husband - what to do next" is exactly how I felt.
    There is nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself as all the others on here with a partner diagnosed "young" which is generally taken to be under 65.
    As scarlett and canary say just post the issues one at a time; financial, emotional or practical there's always someone on here to help.
    I personally resent the fact we won't be able to get old disgracefully together, become a couple of saga-louts, go on a cruise or whatever, it's all about planning for your future reality which may mean kicking your dreams into the long grass.
    Lots of love
    K
     
  6. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    5,835
    Welcome to TP janien, plenty support help and advice for you here.
     
  7. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Hello Janien. Well, you've already taken the first courageous step and found us. Mammoth welcome to you :) You'll always find help and support here for those times when you're feeling unsure about something. Do please feel welcome to pop on any time of the day or night.

    Arm yourself with as much knowledge of the condition as you can and how to manage it. A good chat with your GP will be a good start, if you've not already done so. You'll get the chance to voice any concerns you may have. And, as has already been said; Alzheimer's Society are a very good source of help and information.

    I'm very sorry you've had this diagnosis for your husband. It is hard to take when it first happens. Hope to see you here so we can get to know and support you. Much love, and every blessing.
     
  8. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Hello Janien, welcome to TP. Nothing to add to what everyone else has said but keep coming here there is so much understanding and help in our virtual community. x


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  9. janien

    janien Registered User

    Aug 2, 2015
    3
    Surrey
    Thankyou

    I am so grateful for all of your replies. At last I can talk and know you understand, although I can't see any of you I know I am not getting a blank stare! Thank you xx
     
  10. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    Welcome from me too Janien. Lots of good advice in previous posts. Everything can seem very complicated and overwhelming especially when you're struggling with the grief of the diagnosis and the loss of your future as you hoped and expected it would be. There is still a future though and there can be a lot of good times, especially when you know you have to make the most of every moment. Perhaps that's where we have a bit of an advantage over people who don't realise how precious time is and maybe squander it worrying about things that aren't important.
    I'm sure you will get so much insight and assistance here. Sending you a big hug. Es
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  11. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    5,737
    North East Lincs
    Welcome janien you have found a great place to get support.
     

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