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janien

Registered User
Aug 2, 2015
3
Surrey
Having problems adjusting to a definite diagnosis! Have spent the last 18mnths under a preliminary diagnosis which did not fit symptoms but have now been told that vascular dementia is the problem. Hesband has only just turned 60, I am still shocked with the diagnosis although I was half suspecting some sort of dementia. Am completely lost and sadly feeling very sorry for myself as well as devastated for my husband - what to do next?
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,189
South coast
Welcome to TP janien, though I am sorry about the reason
I think the time around diagnosis is one of the most bewildering times. I am glad you have found your way here as there is so much experience from people who have already walked the path.

I think firstly I would recommend that you get POA and will sorted for when its necessary,even though you wont need them yet. Then I would think about finances. Have you and/or your husband retired yet? Do either of you need to work for financial reasons? The answer to these will probably dictate where you go from here.

Get in contact with your local branch of Alzheimers Society to see what can be offered locally.

Remember that every dementia journey is different and not everything that you read on here will happen to your husband

Ask questions - you can ask practically anything on here!
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
Having problems adjusting to a definite diagnosis! Have spent the last 18mnths under a preliminary diagnosis which did not fit symptoms but have now been told that vascular dementia is the problem. Hesband has only just turned 60, I am still shocked with the diagnosis although I was half suspecting some sort of dementia. Am completely lost and sadly feeling very sorry for myself as well as devastated for my husband - what to do next?
Welcome to TP, and you couldn't have come to a better place. It's perfectly natural to feel sorry for yourself, and I think it helps to come to terms with your situation. You love your hubby, and, as you say, you are devastated for him, but you never signed up for this, and it's a dreadful shock to realise what you now have to face.

Whatever problems you encounter, you'll always find someone who has experienced them, and can offer help and sympathy. May I wish you all the best. xxx
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,825
UK
Suspecting Dementia and then getting a diagnosis is like a punch to the stomach for a carer. If you feel that you need to get more information and things in place the best thing to do is call your local Alzheimer's Society, don't think too far ahead. Stay with us, you'll find a lot of support and answers here, there is such a large wealth of knowledge. Although you might not feel so now, it is important to take care of yourself too.
 

Kevinl

Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
4,771
Salford
Hi Janien, welcome to TP
Like you I have a spouse diagnosed very young (she was 55 at the time) as you say "Am completely lost and sadly feeling very sorry for myself as well as devastated for my husband - what to do next" is exactly how I felt.
There is nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself as all the others on here with a partner diagnosed "young" which is generally taken to be under 65.
As scarlett and canary say just post the issues one at a time; financial, emotional or practical there's always someone on here to help.
I personally resent the fact we won't be able to get old disgracefully together, become a couple of saga-louts, go on a cruise or whatever, it's all about planning for your future reality which may mean kicking your dreams into the long grass.
Lots of love
K
 

Kjn

Registered User
Jul 27, 2013
5,835
Welcome to TP janien, plenty support help and advice for you here.
 

Chuggalug

Registered User
Mar 24, 2014
8,007
Norfolk
Hello Janien. Well, you've already taken the first courageous step and found us. Mammoth welcome to you :) You'll always find help and support here for those times when you're feeling unsure about something. Do please feel welcome to pop on any time of the day or night.

Arm yourself with as much knowledge of the condition as you can and how to manage it. A good chat with your GP will be a good start, if you've not already done so. You'll get the chance to voice any concerns you may have. And, as has already been said; Alzheimer's Society are a very good source of help and information.

I'm very sorry you've had this diagnosis for your husband. It is hard to take when it first happens. Hope to see you here so we can get to know and support you. Much love, and every blessing.
 

Jinx

Registered User
Mar 13, 2014
2,333
Pontypool
Hello Janien, welcome to TP. Nothing to add to what everyone else has said but keep coming here there is so much understanding and help in our virtual community. x


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
 

janien

Registered User
Aug 2, 2015
3
Surrey
Thankyou

I am so grateful for all of your replies. At last I can talk and know you understand, although I can't see any of you I know I am not getting a blank stare! Thank you xx
 

esmeralda

Registered User
Nov 27, 2014
3,074
Devon
Welcome from me too Janien. Lots of good advice in previous posts. Everything can seem very complicated and overwhelming especially when you're struggling with the grief of the diagnosis and the loss of your future as you hoped and expected it would be. There is still a future though and there can be a lot of good times, especially when you know you have to make the most of every moment. Perhaps that's where we have a bit of an advantage over people who don't realise how precious time is and maybe squander it worrying about things that aren't important.
I'm sure you will get so much insight and assistance here. Sending you a big hug. Es
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