New to home caring

[Laura-Beth91]

Hi!
My partners grandad recently moved home (well, was made to move) after his 91 year old partner was unable to cope with his Dementia anymore. The change of circumstances has been very distressing for him and we are in the process of arranging carers ect, in the mean time his brother is the main 24/7 carer, as H isn't really safe to be left alone.

I am a nurse and a previous domiciliary carer but nothing could ever prepare me for a 48 hour stint with H!

Caring for someone you care about is so much different to working in the profession and I must admit I stepped away feeling very upset! However, I could not stop the guilt of feeling like this as he is not my nuclear family but I want to support my partner and his Mum (H's daughter) through this.

I fear I run this risk of over stepping the mark considering my career because I want to try and get things pushed a little quicker so that everyone is less stressed an anxious and H can be kept safe.

Has anyone else had any experiences like this one?

Laura

 

[jennifer1967]

Hi!
My partners grandad recently moved home (well, was made to move) after his 91 year old partner was unable to cope with his Dementia anymore. The change of circumstances has been very distressing for him and we are in the process of arranging carers ect, in the mean time his brother is the main 24/7 carer, as H isn't really safe to be left alone.

I am a nurse and a previous domiciliary carer but nothing could ever prepare me for a 48 hour stint with H!

Caring for someone you care about is so much different to working in the profession and I must admit I stepped away feeling very upset! However, I could not stop the guilt of feeling like this as he is not my nuclear family but I want to support my partner and his Mum (H's daughter) through this.

I fear I run this risk of over stepping the mark considering my career because I want to try and get things pushed a little quicker so that everyone is less stressed an anxious and H can be kept safe.

Has anyone else had any experiences like this one?

Laura

you have more emotional investment in caring for H. there isnt an end of shift and wind down knowing its not your responsibility when the shift ends

 

[AwayWithTheFairies]

I can’t imagine how you feel to be honest, it must be very difficult!

I wonder if you can frame it in your mind and to others that the things they need to do are FOR H, not TO him. You may actually be a voice of reason and calm because you can at least imagine how to be more detached, that will be a resource that most families don’t have. And that care and safety for H now trump what H appears to want in any given moment.

 

[Laura-Beth91]

I can’t imagine how you feel to be honest, it must be very difficult!

I wonder if you can frame it in your mind and to others that the things they need to do are FOR H, not TO him. You may actually be a voice of reason and calm because you can at least imagine how to be more detached, that will be a resource that most families don’t have. And that care and safety for H now trump what H appears to want in any given moment.

I think I may possibly add a more practical stance as I have been able to support and advise everyone and make it known that I am available to support whenever.
I never thought of it in the way as they are for and not TO as dealing with his responses made it feel like it was TO, if that makes sense.
I guess it's early days and I know myself that these things take time.
Thanks for your responses

 

[Laura-Beth91]

you have more emotional investment in caring for H. there isnt an end of shift and wind down knowing its not your responsibility when the shift ends

This is very true! X