Not sure where to begin. Less than 2 years ago my Mum seemed perfectly OK. She has always been very fit and active and going here there and everywhere. Her house was always full of friends and neighbours. She did all her own shopping, cooking and cleaning and looked after all her own financial affairs. She was a little forgetful, but no more than you would expect of someone in their 80's.
The signs that something was seriously wrong became apparant around 18 months ago. She was often confused, getting her medication mixed up, forgetting the PIN for her pension card, trying to collect her pension with her bus pass and wondering why the post office clerk would not give her her money.
As time went on, she forgot our birthdays (something she had never done before), how to cook, even how to turn on her TV, she started accusing people of stealing things, hiding things - I could go on and on.
Mum was unable to accept that there was anything wrong with her. She was living on biscuits and cakes but insisting that she was cooking herself lovely dinners.
Her health started to get worse and taking her to doctors and the hospital was a nightmare. She insisted that there was nothing wrong with her. Getting her to go and, once there, making sure she didn't run off was such an ordeal.
I arranged for carers to go in 3 times a day to make her meals, shop, clean and do her washing. But she (and her neighbour) contrived to be out as often as they could when they came or told them to go away, nothing needed doing.
Through her GP, I arranged for a doctor from her local hospital specialising in elderly mental health to visit. The initial diagnosis (about 6 months after the symptoms had become apparant) was that Mum had moderate dementia. Mum would not initially go to the hospital for further tests and assessment but, after some months, I finally got her to go and she had various scans.
She flatly refused to go to day care.
About 4 months ago, the doctor came out to her home and re-assessed her. In a period of 8 months she had gone from moderate to bordering on severe dementia. She had to be taken into hospital for her own safety and at last the full assessment could be done.
Mum was in the hospital assessment unit for 3 months, still convinced that nothing was wrong with her and that she was perfectly capable of doing everything for herself. She has now been in a nursing home for just over a month
She is 85, is totally oblivious to the poor state of her health and wants to go home.
As you all know too well, dementia is very difficult to deal with but I am learning fast!
But there is still a lot I don't know and would appreciate advice. For example, what is the best way to approach it when Mum talks about going to see her Mum (who would be 110 if she were still living!). Do I go along with this or do I gently explain that her Mum has been dead for some years?