New to Forum- Mum has Alzheimers but has no insight and is refusing help

[DellaH]

Hello. My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimers last year but has declined quite noticeably since February/lockdown when she had to give up driving. She has no insight into her memory loss and thinks there is nothing wrong with her. She still lives independently on her own but is getting to the stage where she needs a bit of help with the housework and checking store cupboards, putting food put away correctly, seeing to the mail, remembering to change sheets, help getting to hairdresser etc. My brother and I do not live locally. I am 300 miles away and my brother over an hour away. We have suggested a weekly help to her but she is adamant that she does not need the help and is point blank refusing and gets very angry and agitated when you try to discuss it with her. Any suggestions on what to do? This is situation is a huge source of anxiety and worry especially during the pandemic.

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @DellaH and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. You've come to the right place as this is a very supportive community with lots of help and advice.
My mother was similar in that she didn't think there was anything wrong with her. Both my brother and I lived a couple of hours away in different directions. I went over every five days or so to check on her, read her post (she is registered as partially sighted) and go out for a coffee. I tried to get her to accept help, but like your mother she didn't think she needed it. For a long time we sort of staggered along from one mini crisis another till in the end mum became a danger to herself and I moved her to a care home near me under slightly false pretences.
Do you and your brother have Power or Attorney? If not it would be worth getting her to agree to it if you think she can still understand why it would be useful. This link explains all about it. Lasting Power of Attorney
I'm sure others will be along shortly to add their experiences

 

[Sphynx]

Hi DellaH,

I am in a similar position to you. My Mum refused completely to engage with her diagnosis and has been very upset when something came up to remind her. We (I have 3 siblings) decided to apply for attendance allowance and tried to make that a positive thing as she was worried about money. We then used it to pay for meals on wheels and she also has a cleaner once a week.
We are all close by (ish) so don’t have that worry, but we also installed Ring devices so we can monitor the door and see when she goes out. On a less practical note I am so sorry for your difficult time.

 

[lemonbalm]

It is so difficult to help someone who doesn't want it. I have read on here that hiring a "personal assistant" can work well if your mum would be able to afford occasional help. Could you persuade her that a local person is in need of employment and experience, and that she would be helping out them by giving them a part time job? If you type personal assistant into the search bar, there are various threads which might be of interest. The term personal assistant may be less controversial term for your mum....

 

[andyvalleydrive]

My mum has a lack of Insight and I am sure its

Anosognosia is what I am sure she is showing signs of, it is so difficult and hard she has been independent for 3 years but her safety became a lot more worrying, she would leave the stove on and burn pans and then began to attack the neighbour due to Auditory Hallucinations she attempted to throw a stone at a neighbour so the police got involved, with over 100 complaints she was sectioned under a section 2 treatment order o which she then had a section 3. She has no capacity now and can not remember what she did 10 minutes ago and believes she is not ill and that we should let her return home, she will not accept carers as she says adamantly she is well and with her no sense of danger and be able to remember how to do things her safety is the most important thing for her, we struggle to look after but we take her out to places to give her days out​

I have been battling with NHS to look at her safety issues and the dangers and I have finally got Social Services to help we have found her a residential care home, its awful to do but her safety is what we had to think of. Hope you are coping OK , I am run down and exhausted