New to forum ... Dad just gone into a nursing home after a fall at home.

Pioneer Woman

New member
Nov 14, 2020
2
0
Hi everyone,
My Dad has advancing vascular dementia. We have cared for him at home for the two years since my Mum died. He insisted on staying at home but recently had a bad fall. The fire brigade had to smash the glass in two doors to get into the house and the paramedics found my Dad on the floor and they think he may have been there all night. He was in hospital for six days but has lost his ability to walk unaided.
This was the turning point when we realised that he needed 24/7 nursing care. He has been in a lovely nursing home now for three weeks but the feelings of guilt are still overwhelming. Does anyone else feel like this and does it ease in time ? ?‍♀️
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,449
0
Scotland
What else could you do? There is only one of you and the nursing home has a team on hand day and night to cope with cleaning, feeding and nursing.

Don’t make yourself ill worrying about what you can’t change.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
73,994
0
72
Dundee
Welcome to the forum @Pioneer Woman.

I’m sorry to hear about your dad. It must be hard fore you but I’m glad you’ve found this forum. You can get things off your chest here and you’ll find lots of help and support.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,799
0
Hello @Pioneer Woman . You have definitely done the right thing. It is very difficult knowing deep down that it is the right thing and yet at the same time feeling that it's wrong. My mum has been in a care home for more than three years now (I looked after her myself for the previous two) and I still often feel guilty about it to be honest, although I know it's where she needs to be. I think my guilt is more about how mum is than about the care home. I doubt very much that she would be any more settled anywhere else.

You mention that your Dad is in a lovely nursing home. It sounds as though you are happy with the home itself. How is your Dad getting on there?
 
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Jale

Registered User
Jul 9, 2018
1,137
0
Hi Pioneer Woman,
From what you have said you have done the right thing for your Dad and that is what really matters. My circumstances were similar - we looked after Mum for 2 years after Dad died, she had a number of falls and hospital stays and the last time she went into hospital she too lost her mobility (although it wasn't good before that), the Social Worker told us that we would no longer be able to care for her and she was admitted to a nursing home from hospital. That was just over 2 years ago now, and although I know it is the best thing for her the guilt monster still raises it's ugly head, usually when I'm least expecting it. Some days are easier than others but the main thing that I cling to is that she is safe and very well cared for and for that peace of mind I know she is in the best place.
 

Pioneer Woman

New member
Nov 14, 2020
2
0
Hello @Pioneer Woman . You have definitely done the right thing. It is very difficult knowing deep down that it is the right thing and yet at the same time feeling that it's wrong. My mum has been in a care home for more than three years now (I looked after her myself for the previous two) and I still often feel guilty about it to be honest, although I know it's where she needs to be. I think my guilt is more about how mum is than about the care home. I doubt very much that she would be any more settled anywhere else.

You mention that your Dad is in a lovely nursing home. It sounds as though you are happy with the home itself. How is your Dad getting on there?
He has no short term memory at all so he has settled quite well and sees his room as home. He says everyone is kind to him so I cant ask for more ?‍♀️
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,449
0
Scotland
Oh that’s comforting @Pioneer Woman . I’m glad he’s settled. I have just had a phone call at 4.30 am from my SILs care home to say she has had a fall and split her head so is off in an ambulance with a staff member to get it stitched. Up at 2 am apparently getting dressed to go out - I remember that behaviour so well when my husband was at that stage with Alzheimer’s and very glad someone else is dealing with his sister.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,799
0
He has no short term memory at all so he has settled quite well and sees his room as home. He says everyone is kind to him so I cant ask for more ?‍♀️

Well, that's as good as it can be. Nothing at all to feel guilty about there!