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New to dementia world. Advice please!

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by PennyBrite, Jul 27, 2015.

  1. PennyBrite

    PennyBrite Registered User

    Jul 27, 2015
    My mum,84, blacked out last night, fell, fractured her wrist. This isn't the first time. She lives with my dad who is 83. As well as dementia, she has lost sight in her right eye, with a cataract in the left. Her dementia hasn't been fully diagnosed because she's always, up to now, been canny enough to avoid the brain scan.
    I am going to see my mum later in hospital. I'm not sure what to do because I have the wildly different needs of 2 parents to consider. My Dad is bright, physically fit,still drives but has a world which is shrinking daily as my mum is increasingly unable to cope with anything beyond a proscribed, set routine. When she comes out of hospital, this will become worse.
    My mum - what care can she expect to receive? What is she entitled to? Will the hospital simply expect my dad to carry the burden?
    If anyone reads my post and can offer some words of advice before I set off mid-morning I would be very grateful.
  2. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    Brixham Devon
    #2 LYN T, Jul 27, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2015
    Good morning Penny and welcome to TP. I read somewhere the estimated numbers of undiagnosed Dementia sufferers in Britain was astronomical (I can't remember the exact figures) but as your Mum is now in hospital I would suggest you get the ball rolling to get a diagnosis.

    Ask to speak to either or all of these people. The Ward Manager/ the hospital Social Worker/a Specialist Psychiatrist/a Dr. who specialises in Geriatric conditions. DO NOT be fobbed off with an appointment sometime in the future. You will have to be insistent
    or you will probably get nowhere. You may have to be tough and say your Dad will not accept being your Mum's carer until he has some help-no one can be forced to be a carer. State your Mum and Dad are VULNERABLE and you will hold them responsible if anything happens to your Mum. Start off as you mean to go on-but try the slightly softly softly approach first.

    Your Mum and Dad should both have an assessment -possibly carers/sitters to give your Dad time for himself. Make sure this has been put into place before your Mum is discharged

    Your Mum does not need a scan to get a diagnosis but obviously that will help-perhaps if a Dr tells her face to face she will comply.

    If all else fails ask them for the PALS contact details as you will be putting in an official complaint-that may get the ball rolling.

    The best of luck to you and your Dad-please try and let us know how you get on

    Take care

    Lyn T XX
  3. jeany123

    jeany123 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2012
  4. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    Good morning PennyB and welcome to TP.

    I'm sorry to hear about your mum, it must be so difficult for your dad too.

    I'm not sure where in the UK you are but you will find a link to relevant factsheet for Asessment for Care and Support here -


    You might also be interested in the discharge from hospital fact sheet.


    I'm glad you found TP and am sure you will find lots of help and support here. Wishing you and your mum and dad all the best.
  5. PennyBrite

    PennyBrite Registered User

    Jul 27, 2015
    Thank you so much Lyn. I am doubly grateful for you having taken the time to answer my post so promptly and for offering the advice I need before I enter the world of the NHS and social services, which are overall, still quite alien to me. I promise I'll be firm and polite!

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