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Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by T1993r, Nov 11, 2017.

  1. T1993r

    T1993r New member

    Nov 11, 2017
    7
    Female
    Kings lynn
    My dad, who is 80, was diagnosed with mixed dementia last year. It is quite mild at the moment, he has problems remembering what he did today, appointments unless they are written down. Just recently he has started forgetting who some family members are and their names, he forgets to eat lunch if I don't make it for him. He doesn't remember anything I ask him to do unless it is written down. I work full time so find it impossible to go to any local meetings so this place could be a blessing. My main worry is how he acts when he is out. He goes to a day care once a week and he has been making some very rude suggestions to the ladies there, to the point that he has made one lady cry. His key worker has spoken to him and so have I but he just sort of laughs it off and says yeah, yeah, I'll keep that in mind. I worry about when he goes out unsupervised, if he makes lewd suggestions to someone and they take offence anything could happen to him. I don't want to limit him going out but how can I be sure he is safe? How will I know when he is in need of more supervision and what sort of help can I get.
     
  2. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    625
    Hello T1993r

    This sounds like my dad a year or so back. In fact it was the very thing that brought me to this site. And my dad, who was always a gentleman before, also just used to laugh it off. It wasn't until I took him back to the memory clinic and discuss his behaviour that he realised we weren't joking. He had no memory of behaving in that way!!

    I eventually spoke to an Admiral nurse, after someone here suggested that it was worth checking his medication as this can cause problems like this, who agreed that given the timings it could be related to increasing his donepezil to 10mg.

    We were lucky that reducing it back to 5mg cured the problem within about a week.

    Of course behaviour like this could be due to the dementia, but it's worth checking his meds and seeing if a change in type or dosage could help.

    Good luck. I know just how difficult this kind of behaviour makes life for all concerned. My dad was 87 at the time.
     
  3. T1993r

    T1993r New member

    Nov 11, 2017
    7
    Female
    Kings lynn
     
  4. T1993r

    T1993r New member

    Nov 11, 2017
    7
    Female
    Kings lynn
    #4 T1993r, Nov 11, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2017
    Thanks Bunpoots. I have spoken to his doctor and he has an appointment to reasses him, I just don't know how to best get him to understand that not everything is a joke.
     
  5. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    625
    I remember the frustration I had trying to get my dad to behave himself. Unfortunately it's unlikely that you will get him to understand that not everyone thinks his behaviour is just a bit of a laugh, or that some people are offended or even intimidated by it. That part of his brain isn't working properly anymore. It may be, if this behaviour can't be curbed, that now is the time for more supervision.

    When my dad was behaving rudely towards ladies I thought the care home wasn't far away, although I don't know how they would have coped with him there.

    Is there any way you could keep him confined to a men only environment? Perhaps a men only daycare session is available?

    Sorry I can't be of more help. Let's hope the doctor can come up with something to help. I don't think people understand how difficult a situation this is until it happens to them.
     
  6. T1993r

    T1993r New member

    Nov 11, 2017
    7
    Female
    Kings lynn
    That's not a bad shout about the men only session, I will look into it. His doctor is really good and has noticed the changes in him as well. I am just glad I have some people to talk to who are going through the same things.
     
  7. MaryH

    MaryH Registered User

    Jun 16, 2016
    106
    Ottawa, Canada
    T1993r,

    Was the mixed dementia involving vascular dementia? Dad has mixed Alzheimer and vascular dementia and had gotten verbally and emotionally abusive with me for the last year. Triggers were sugar or his love of sweets and the fact that he use paper towel in his pull up pants and I was trying to get him to use / change the incontinence pad more often than every 2-3 days. I had heard from others some may have said mean or sexually suggestive comments without remembering it.

    Medication check is good and the suggestion of a mans only program is worth checking.
     
  8. T1993r

    T1993r New member

    Nov 11, 2017
    7
    Female
    Kings lynn
    He has only been diagnosed with the mixed dementia and luckily he hasn't been aggressive, he has snapped at me a few times, mainly because I have been having to correct him on things he has forgotten. I do worry in case he gets any worse, not so much to me but towards other people. I have heard there is a badge or a pin he could wear to let other people know he has dementia, but then wasn't sure if that would lead to people taking advantage of him. I have already had to take his cheque book away because he had written a cheque to someone but he has no idea who. It was to late to cancel it.
     
  9. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    44
    Female
    Devon
    Visually impaired people wear badges - I think a dementia badge is good idea. My poor ould fella, goes to play snooker and also has been learning bowls, and when I approached the people he plays with to mention the dementia - they both said, 'oh yes, we can tell, we knew and we are happy with it' but they were grateful I had taken the trouble to approach them. I have also told the people in the local shop where he goes, and they are Ok with it too.
    The worse thing is that we all work out strategies which we think will work, and then suddenly - whoops - no they don't any more...... what an adventure this all is, of the unpleasant kind mostly - but not all.....
     
  10. T1993r

    T1993r New member

    Nov 11, 2017
    7
    Female
    Kings lynn
    I usually struggle with the repetitiveness, answering the same question over and over. Is it better to just stay calm and answer it again and again or tell him he has asked me already. Which is better?
     
  11. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    101
    @T1993r,


    Yep, my dad asks me the same question over and over. I would answer and it all became very long winded as the first answer led to another question and a then long explanation from me. I felt that it was wearing me down after months of repeating it 6 times every time I see him.

    He still asks the same question but now I just tell him that I don't know. Bit mean I suppose but he seems happy with that.

    Rightly or wrongly it makes life a little less stressful for me, not much but a little bit.
     
  12. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    625
    When my dad asks the same questions again I just answer as if it's the first time he's asked. My replies do get shorter and simpler each time. If anyone points out that he's asked the question already he gets upset.
     

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