1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

New start but at what cost??

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Sue123, Jun 25, 2015.

  1. Sue123

    Sue123 Registered User

    Aug 30, 2014
    32
    Nottingham
    My Mum has dementia & because of this,she lives with me.
    I work full time so she has carers & meals on wheels when im not around.
    My boyfriend & i are trying to get a house together (with my Mum moving in with us of course).
    The problem is,he lives in a different city & i have decided to move to where he is meaning i would have to give up my job. I dont mind this because i can become my Mums full time carer. My Sister will also be closer.
    We have no idea what income we will all have coming in so are clueless as to what we can afford regarding a home & i have no idea when it comes to filling in all those damn forms!
    Any help from any of you would be great. Thank you. :confused:
     
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    Which forms are we talking about? Things like mortgage applications? Or something else?
     
  3. Sue123

    Sue123 Registered User

    Aug 30, 2014
    32
    Nottingham
    I doubt we can afford a mortgage. I was referring to council housing forms.
    We may rent privately but i dont even know what we will be able to afford because im not sure what money i will have coming in.
     
  4. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,714
    Female
    London
    If your Mum gets Attendance Allowance, you can get Carers Allowance if you earn under £110 a week. Any other benefits would depend on your and your boyfriend's savings. Think long and hard about giving up your job and not getting another for caring. No one can care 24/7 so even without a job you will need support from the council. It would be a good idea to check out the help available in the borough you are planning to move to, as well as the costs involved, as they can vary hugely within the UK. You should do a lot of research and planning before you so drastically change your life. Will you have access to local charities there or Admiral Nurses? Also, being unemployed might be a hindrance when planning to become a homeowner or even a tenant. Find out about available support BEFORE you move.

    Does your boyfriend realise the enormity of the task of looking after someone with dementia? Will he understand how to talk to her and cope with any strange behaviour she might exhibit? What will you do if you want to go on holiday?

    Lastly, what does your Mum say to all of this? Will it be in her best interest to move out of her familiar surroundings? Any change in circumstances can be very stressful for people with dementia.

    You see, there's a lot to consider.
     
  5. Sue123

    Sue123 Registered User

    Aug 30, 2014
    32
    Nottingham
    There certainly is a lot to think about. I definitely need to look into it more.
    I was hoping to maybe find some part time work at some point.
    My Sister will be closer so she can help out whenever possible.
    I guess things like holidays will have to be put on hold if we cant find any other care for my Mum.
    My Mum is at the point where she doesnt know where she is. We only moved where we are now a year ago & she was fine then. I know its alot to consider but we dont want her going into a home so she has to stay with me.
     
  6. Summerheather

    Summerheather Registered User

    Feb 22, 2015
    160
    What Beate says - my mum lives with me and my husband and daughter - however we've been married 28 years, he's known her for over 30 years and sometimes she still shocks him.

    Someone with dementia/Alzheimer's can be really hard to cope with and love and that's when you've known them for years and have always loved them. It's those memories that keep you going, if you haven't got them, then that's hard for everyone.
     
  7. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,973
    Suffolk
    Sue, I wholeheartedly agree with what others have said and I admire you for wanting to look after your mum for the rest of her life.
    But...she will be disoriented on moving, again. She will not be able to do much for herself, and this will get worse. What happens if she gets violent, has delusions, starts wandering? Can you cope with double incontinence or picking her up every time she falls? Even if you sister can help, please do not underestimate just exactly what you are taking on. 24/7 is an awful lot of caring, you really would not want Carers breakdown, done that, got the teeshirt! Would daycare help? That would give you some me time. Please don't dismiss a care home out of hand, as many on here have found, it may be the only solution.
    Good luck!
     
  8. Sue123

    Sue123 Registered User

    Aug 30, 2014
    32
    Nottingham
    Thank you all for your comments.
    My Mum currently goes to a day centre twice a week & this is something i would like her to still do when we move.
    I know it wont be easy,im caring for her at the moment when i get in from work & at weekends. Its the juggling work & care that im finding stressful. Its like i never have enough time in the day to do everything!
    I dont work locally & have to take 2 buses to work & back-thats 3 hours travelling that i can do without.
    As long as i can cope looking after her i will. Im sure when/if the time comes to think about a care home,all you lovely people will help me decide :)
     
  9. meme

    meme Registered User

    Aug 29, 2011
    1,955
    Female
    London
    so do you or your Mum have a council tenancy now? and is Mum under social services , as she gets meals on wheels and carers?
     
  10. Sue123

    Sue123 Registered User

    Aug 30, 2014
    32
    Nottingham
    Yes she is under social services. We are renting privately but she still gets housing benefit & council tax benefit although i cant understand why as its not a council house :confused:
     
  11. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,714
    Female
    London
    Council housing has nothing to do with it. What counts is your Mum's savings. If they are under a particular amount she is eligible. Otherwise everyone in private housing who gets unemployed or otherwise falls on hard times would have to move.
     
  12. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    2,482
    Radcliffe on Trent
    #12 Pickles53, Jun 27, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2015
    Another issue to check is how likely it is that you would be able to get on the council's waiting list and what sort of priority you would have. Council houses are few and far between these days. We looked into this as one option for my mother was to move nearer to us into some kind of sheltered housing flat. We got her GP and someone from SS in her home town to write a letter saying it was in her best interests to move closer to family but still there was no guarantee that a suitable place would become available without a very long wait.

    Please do not make any drastic changes until you understand what your and your mum's income will be and whether what you want to do is financially feasible. Otherwise you run the risk of adding financial worries to the difficulties you already have to cope with.
     
  13. Sue123

    Sue123 Registered User

    Aug 30, 2014
    32
    Nottingham
    Im going to ring Citizens Advice & ask what help (if any) we would be entitled to.
     
  14. meme

    meme Registered User

    Aug 29, 2011
    1,955
    Female
    London
    #14 meme, Jun 28, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 28, 2015
    council housing has a lot to do with security of tenure etc....and people can swap and move where they choose. To be eligible for housing benefit your Mum I assume must have under 16 thousand pounds savings...so for future planning re care homes, below 14-13 thousand means she gets all paid for her, of course no one wants this but worth bearing in mind...You say you will rent privately but as you must know this is not secure or of the standard of council housing...and you risk a lot..therefore it is definately worth checking with CAB your chances on the council waiting list...
     

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