Hi all,
I want to scream "Help me!" though my situation is no way near as bad as many others on this forum.
My mother has been in a nursing home for three years with Alz and Vasc dem. The nursing home are 95% excellent and to my suprise she has been comparitively content. She has been "in a hotel" "at a lovely boarding school" and although quite far down the dementia road has been mostly content. She has liked "the girls" "the teachers" and "the nurses".
This week it has all changed and my visit today was quite traumatic. She was pleading for me to get her out of this prison. She said I expect I will always be here and to my suprise apologised for "loosing my mind" She was in such distress, telling me that they whip her and beat her and when I tried to distract her said that she wished I could be in a cupboard to see what they are doing to her. She said you can ask the others. I tried to reassure her which was pointless. I couldn't distract her and I could not calm her. She was so , so scared. It was horrible to see. She said it was the owners who were whipping her and could I find her another place to live. She then added that she hopes heaven will be better than this. I assured her it was (was this ME talking!!)
My heart wanted to take her home straight away.- obviously not the answer.
I am shocked to read in another post by Ann Mac that we can make sure all the practicalities are done but we cannot give our loved ones the peace of mind that they need. I know this is true but it shocks me in this new phase.
When my mother talks about horrible things that have happened to her, will this all be fabrication? Can it be true? There was a lot of sexual abuse in her parent grandparents generation. She was also married to a man who was very unkind to put it mildly.
I spoke to staff this morning and they spoke of her being like this for a week. They give her one to one in the afternoon and this helps her but they could not do this in the mornings. They will talk with GP tomorrow but rightly he will be reluctant to prescribe unless really necessary as she has react severly to previous meds. Half way through the conversation I realised that a resident aged 103 yrs had died a few hours earlier and all in all it was a distressing visit.
Isn't it horrible to see someone suffer and little can be done? All I can say is thank God I I have faith in the nursing home. They are so kind to her.
This is really an offload but any ideas?
Thanks for bearing with me through the tears x
I want to scream "Help me!" though my situation is no way near as bad as many others on this forum.
My mother has been in a nursing home for three years with Alz and Vasc dem. The nursing home are 95% excellent and to my suprise she has been comparitively content. She has been "in a hotel" "at a lovely boarding school" and although quite far down the dementia road has been mostly content. She has liked "the girls" "the teachers" and "the nurses".
This week it has all changed and my visit today was quite traumatic. She was pleading for me to get her out of this prison. She said I expect I will always be here and to my suprise apologised for "loosing my mind" She was in such distress, telling me that they whip her and beat her and when I tried to distract her said that she wished I could be in a cupboard to see what they are doing to her. She said you can ask the others. I tried to reassure her which was pointless. I couldn't distract her and I could not calm her. She was so , so scared. It was horrible to see. She said it was the owners who were whipping her and could I find her another place to live. She then added that she hopes heaven will be better than this. I assured her it was (was this ME talking!!)
My heart wanted to take her home straight away.- obviously not the answer.
I am shocked to read in another post by Ann Mac that we can make sure all the practicalities are done but we cannot give our loved ones the peace of mind that they need. I know this is true but it shocks me in this new phase.
When my mother talks about horrible things that have happened to her, will this all be fabrication? Can it be true? There was a lot of sexual abuse in her parent grandparents generation. She was also married to a man who was very unkind to put it mildly.
I spoke to staff this morning and they spoke of her being like this for a week. They give her one to one in the afternoon and this helps her but they could not do this in the mornings. They will talk with GP tomorrow but rightly he will be reluctant to prescribe unless really necessary as she has react severly to previous meds. Half way through the conversation I realised that a resident aged 103 yrs had died a few hours earlier and all in all it was a distressing visit.
Isn't it horrible to see someone suffer and little can be done? All I can say is thank God I I have faith in the nursing home. They are so kind to her.
This is really an offload but any ideas?
Thanks for bearing with me through the tears x
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