new memeber

hiya everyone i,m julie .have cared for my nearly bed ridden mother for nearly 14 yrs due to osteoporsis and copd mainly and now on top of it all she has now been diagnosed with dementia .i would really appreciate ant advice anyone can offer me as i really dont know how to cope with at all ,the physical dificalties i was fine with but the mental ones i,m not .one of main problems is i have been told to take charge of her medication now as she was getting it all wrong even from the weekly box things takin the wrong day etc she cant seem t grasp times now or days etc and now insists i,m not giving her her tablets ,medication even though we write down the times etc shes had them together ,she then insists i changed it or its wrong . i really dont know what to do she is very argumentative and hurtful and nasty to me and i really try to be ptient and understandin but this is tiring me out happening at least four to 8 times a day everyday ,it may sound silly but it realy is disturbing sorry to burden you with my problems as you all have probs of your own to worry about but i needed to ask thnkyou all ever so much please take care
love julie


Registered User
Jun 28, 2003
South coast, UK
It doesn't sound silly at all Julie, it sounds like your having a really, really rough time. :(

I pointed American to the Fact sheets on the site here. Have you had a chance to look at any of them? There is some good advice in there. When your mum is hurtful or nasty try to keep in mind that it's the dementia talking. If your mum weren't ill she would really be more trusting and appreciative of how hard you are working for her.

I know that's easier to say stuff like that than to put into practice, when she is having a go at you though. :(

Do you have any support from Social Workers, District Nurses, CPNs, Homehelps etc.? You can't do it all on your own. Keep coming back here, you may be able take a bit of comfort from the words people who have been there/are there, are able to offer. :)
thankyou xxx

thankyou for your lovely reply andy and yessocial services and mental health team are now all involved now and giving loads of advice at the moment but not a lot happening yet but hopefully it will all come together soon it helped just being able to write it down beleive it or not and i thankyou ever so much for your promt reply i got quite excited that i even recieved one
so thankyou again i,ll keep you up to date and hopefully i may even be able to help someone one to ehh one day i hope xxxx julie


Registered User
Jul 17, 2003
Hello Julie

I notice that you are emailing from Weston Supermare. The Alzheimer's Society has a local branch based there (North Somerset branch) who could be a good source of support for you and your mum.

Their contact details are:

Alzheimer's Society
North Somerset branch
Severn Unit
Ebdon Court
Trenleigh Drive
Weston Supermare
Bs22 6LT

Telephone: 01934 514977

Best wishes



Registered User
Jun 11, 2003
Hi Julie
You sound as though you cope extremely well, the lovely thing as you have gathered from this forum is that there is lots of support and understanding.
Dementia and Alzheimers Disease is in many circles an unknown and this is down to individuals ignorance, at least we who have encountered it have understanding.
The Webpages are brilliant for advice and information, and I must say my family have recently used the Alzheimers Society and their support and encouragement has been fantastic.
My mum is only 64 and is quite advanced with the disease for her age, her behaviour at times is challenging but that is part of the illness and something that we never forget she is still our mum, its lovely to reflect on the times when we were young, now we are looking after mum its like roles reverse but myself and family wouldnt have it any other way its so rewarding to see a smile, hug and kiss. Unfortunately her sleeping pattern is also affected and the Society have recently provided us with a sitter for one night a week, the lady who has come along is so nice energetic, understanding and a brilliant support which allows at least one night uninterupted sleep for my sister and dad.
Keep you chin up you sound as though you are doing a fantastic job.
Good Luck
thanx marie

thankyou marie for your reply to.your family sound very carin and supportive .my biggest problem at the moment is that i have been told i am a "trigger" apparently they call it , so when ever i enter moms room its like waving a red rag to a bull which is the hardest thing i,m coming to terms with,and mom (moms illness)is telling the most dreadful untruths to people about me, i,e i,m never in am out all day (i only leave the house on a saturday when a carer is here )i dont feed her etc etc but i feel like i,m not being believed if you can understand that .the carers association which are helping us have a counciling service so im thinking about having this ? maybe it wil help i hope .i look forward to comin to this site now to as i didnt think i would get any responses to my post and its been brilliant to reply and feel listened to . thankyou very much again and i hope everything for you and your family goes well its a shame your mom is so young it must be very hard for you all to
xxxxxxx julie


Registered User
Jul 31, 2003
Blackpool, Lancs
Know the feeling

Dear Julie,

How I sympathise with you. I know just what you mean when you talk about being a 'trigger', I get such negative feelings from my father but let my sister near him and he's a changed character. As for the untruths, as everyone says, it's the condition talking and not the person we love and care for.

As for the problem with medication, we also went through the same problem, pills taken at the wrong time and often more than one dose at a time. We changed over to the cartridge system and still the problem persisted. Finally we purchased a very inexpensive (£40), electronic safe with a key pad access. Only those who have the combination can get in and when the required dose has been taken the remainder are locked away until next time. Problem solved.

New ways of working take considerably longer to adapt to for Alzheimers sufferers but with repetition, at least with my father, we eventually make the adjustment. Best of Luck,

thanks rob

rob thankyou for your reply sorry i didnt get back to you earlier but moms been in hospital for 2 weeks out now tho thankfully.that system purchased sounds brilliant but as moms is bed ridden we just keep them all the kitchen out of reach now but it was the constant insistance that i hadnt given her them etc that was the real problem but i have had some councilling now and hopefully touch wood i,ll cope with it better ,do you look after your father to then rob ?how long has he had it . i cant believe how diferent she can be with others to ,and how quickly mom can change . thankyou again for replying i hope you and your family stay well speak again take care please julie xxxx