1. Abi6

    Abi6 Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    5
    My husband hasn't been diagnosed with dementia because he's very much into natural medicines, he takes a herbal tincture for his high blood pressure and refuses to take any pharmaceutical drugs for his arthritis so getting him to go to the doctors isn't possible yet. I've noticed his memory loss over the past two years and he's starting to comment on it and saying he gets confused so I think he's aware of it. He gets angry so quickly over silly things and sometimes cannot make simple decisions. He insists on driving me to shops (I have driven myself for 30 years) and gets upset if I say I'd like to go on my own. I really don't know how to cope sometimes. I did go to my GP a while ago and asked for advice, but didn't really get anywhere. I haven't tried speaking of my concerns to my husband because I don't know how to broach the subject or how he'd react, any advice please.
     
  2. JayGun

    JayGun Registered User

    Jun 24, 2013
    291
    I'd start making a list of the things that are happening that you're worried about, then try the GP again - maybe another one in your practice if you find your usual bod a bit unhelpful? Maybe they could get him in for an annual MOT kind of check up and assess him, or do a home visit? Nobody is going to make your husband take pharmaceuticals if he doesn't want to, but a brain scan to rule out a tumour might be a good idea? (Sorry to be scary) During that scan they might see something that points towards a form of dementia or maybe not, but it's probably a good idea to know what's causing these issues whether you decide to treat it or not. Just the diagnosis can be a gateway to help. It sounds like you could do with a bit of a break.
     
  3. Tiller Girl

    Tiller Girl Registered User

    May 14, 2012
    91
    It's difficult when you can't get them to the doctors. i just made an appointment in the end and only told him the night before. He wasn't happy but he did go. He had a scan eventually and was diagnosed with mixed dementia. This did take about 5 months in all so it wasn't a quick diagnosis. He doesn't take any medication as he's had bowel cancer and they also found he had a heart problem and the 2 drugs they can offer him will have an effect on both his other medical problems.

    So we just go with the flow at the moment.

    Good luck with it all.
     
  4. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,992
    Suffolk
    I can't comment on your difficulties, Abi, but am amazed at anyone who wouldn't take proven drugs for arthritis! Mine is so painful on occasion, I couldn't get out of bed without them!
     
  5. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Gotta be honest, Spamar; I won't take them either. (There is a reason for that!) I feel far safer with supports when I need them and TENS to handle the pain that I can't handle.

    Abi; excellent response from JayGun. I'd do that. Start making a list of everything that concerns you and take it to a doctor. You might be able to get some sort of appointment for your loved one that way. I know we have to be a bit surreptitious about it, but better to act than not.

    Sorry, my love. Don't mean to scare you. Come here for friendly advice as often as you like. We've all been through it. Much love to you.
     
  6. Abi6

    Abi6 Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    5
    Thanks for the advice

    Thanks for the replies to my post. I have been keeping a journal of his antics for the past year. He seems to go in cycles of behaviour - it's got so that I know what's coming next. He keeps trying different herbal and other vitamin and mineral supplements that he researches on the internet - he tries them for a while, then moves on to something else. My cupboards are full of blooming herbs and unused vitamins! At the moment I'm coping, but I can see it will get to the point where I will have to get him to the doctors. It's pointless making him an appointment because he'd just refuse to go, he's had optician and dental appointments he's agreed to, only then to have me cancel them last minute. I am just at that 'whatever' stage where I don't want to make waves. I feel better just by getting all this out, thanks again for your support.
     
  7. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,776
    Salford
    Hi Abi, welcome to TP
    It is very difficult to have "The Conversation" where you express your concerns to him, it's not an easy one to have. My wife never has accepted there's anything wrong with her and when anyone mentions the AZ word in her presence she'll liable to kick off big time:eek:
    If you managed to persuade him to go to the doctors that won't be the end of it. they'll want to do scans and tests before they will give you a confirmed diagnosis, there'll be specialists to see, memory clinics to attend, if you can't get him to the doctors now how will you cope with all that?
    On the practical side what I would do is make sure you have a power of attorney so you can activate it his when it becomes necessary. I'd find a scare story in the paper about wills going wrong then use it to suggest you both get a will or update your current ones, I'd get the solicitor on side and have them put in a POA on an "everyone does it these days, just in case".
    The other thing would to get your name on everything, bills, bank accounts and any passwords he has for on line stuff.
    I can only hope that your husband goes the same way as my wife and becomes more cooperative as time goes by.
    One last thing is there anyway you could get the doctors to write to him asking him to come in for a "routine" set of tests because he's now 65 (or whatever) so at least they can eliminate any other cause for the memory issues, it doesn't have to be AZ there could be a number of other causes which are treatable, the doctors do have "a duty of care to him as a vulnerable adult" (remember that phrase and use it) so they should make some effort to help.
    Sorry to ramble on:)
    K
     
  8. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Oh, snap, mate. It got to that point with us as well, where he'd refuse to go somewhere and I had to cancel what would have been important appointments. It didn't help matters at all.

    You'll have to keep an eye on dates of all them herbs. There was a mountain of unused pills I didn't even know my hubby had. He was in care before I could sort it all. I know it's hard, but do keep an eye on sell by dates if you can. If it ain't one fing, it's anuvver, as I used to say...

    I do wish you courage, Abi.
     
  9. JayGun

    JayGun Registered User

    Jun 24, 2013
    291
    #9 JayGun, Aug 13, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 13, 2015
    Maybe in the first instance then, make a double appointment at your GP just for you to go in and have a chat about all this?(Maybe with a different one this time?) The doctor might have suggestions for strategies, offer a home visit etc? You don't have to do anything concrete yet if you don't want to, but it might make you feel better in your own mind if you formulate a bit of a plan for when the time comes.

    Also, all these herbs and potions etc - has this been a life-long thing or just the last couple of years? Because it occurs to me that it might be a symptom? Both my grandmother and my mother in law went through a "spending a fortune on any old snake oil going" phase. I think they knew that *something* was wrong and were trying to treat it.
     
  10. Abi6

    Abi6 Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    5
    Thank you so much - funnily enough he took it into his head to sort 4 boxes of his potions and pills the other week. He threw two full carrier bags out, some of them not even opened! I'd chuck them all out if I could and ban him from getting more, but there you go. It's such a help to find a way to get it off my chest - thanks once again
     
  11. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    I'm surprised, in a way, that he did this as the usual thing is to hide everything away. I do hope things settle for you both, Abi, and that you can find a proper way to cope and deal with this event. It is so, so hard, I know.

    Love and respect, xxxxxxxxxxx
     
  12. Abi6

    Abi6 Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    5
    After my last appointment at doctors I felt so disappointed - all he said was he couldn't diagnose from a distance and gave me a web address to check out. I hadn't gone for him to diagnose my husband, I'd gone for help and advice on how best to deal with the problem. I think I will try another doctor in the future when I get to the point of not knowing what to do for the best.
    As for the herbs and potions - he's been into alternative remedies for years, but it has escalated over the last two years, he reads up on different things and tries them - in fact I wondered at one point if he was making himself worse with them all. If it's out there - he's tried it! But I think he is aware something isn't right and is trying to find a cure. Thanks for your advice, it's greatly appreciated
     
  13. Abi6

    Abi6 Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    5
    Thanks for your help. I see what you mean about all the tests - there's no way he'd go for a scan, but he is 70 next birthday so perhaps I could get him there using that phrase. I'll see how it goes. Also thanks for the practical advice about wills, etc, sometimes there's that much going on you forget about thing like that. Thanks for taking the time to help - I really appreciate it.
     

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