new member

[sooty]

Hello
I am new to talking point and this is my first post. my mother has dementia and I live in Canada her only living relative. Living so far away, yet having to get daily care and support for her has not been easy, but thanks to her social worker and her housing support officier I have been able ot do a lot over the phone. I was home to the uk in October and plan to go back in May . She has a geriatric assessment in March. The next step will be to take her car away as she should not be driving. She is very resistant to this, but has had some little knocks. Hopefully the assessment will enable me to proceed with this. Two questions. Do you have a forum for relatives who live away and secondly how can I go about taking away the car when the time comes in the easiest poosible way for both of us as I predict arguments, major resistance, anxiety and threats from her. It is a topic that is very touchy right now with friends and neighbours.. everytime the phone rings here in Canada I wonder if she has had a crash. The DVLA cannot do anything until the doctors asessment . Carole

I've moved this to the main forum as Hazel suggested.

Brenda

 

[Skye]

Hi Carole

Welcome to TP.

I think you would get more replies if you posted a new thread in the main forum Maybe a moderator would move this for you.

There isn't a specific forum for overseas members, but there are a few. If you look up Jenniferpa in the members list you will find she has similar problems to you, though she is in the States.

Regarding your Mum's car, her GP can write to DVLA and say he thinks her unfit to drive. You can write to them yourself, but they would want confirmation from the GP. I don't envy you, I had tremendous problems when my husband was told he was not to drive any more.

Good luck,

 

[Tender Face]

Welcome to TP, Carole.

It is a topic that is very touchy right now with friends and neighbours.. everytime the phone rings here in Canada I wonder if she has had a crash. The DVLA cannot do anything until the doctors asessment .

Are those friends and neighbours of your mum's ringing you to tell you about her driving? They could be taking action themselves if they are so concerned .... (one of my mother's neighbours recently had his licence revoked because he had been 'reported' after another neighbour witnessed his dangerous driving - seems cruel - but if people are a danger to themselves and others it has to be done somehow...... ) .... I know the topic of 'taking away the car' has come up a few times .... and it does cause terrible angst ...... you could try clicking on 'Search' .....

This link may also help ...

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Motoring/DriverLicensing/MedicalRulesForDrivers/DG_4022415

Of course, taking away a licence and taking away the car itself are two distinct events .. I wish you luck with it ....

Do keep posting and let us know how things are going .....

Love, Karen, x

 

[jenniferpa]

Hi Sooty,

As Skye indicated, I am in the same situation as you: my mother is in the UK and I, her only relative, am in the US (Pennsylvania, to be precise).

I spend an awful lot of time on planes and my phone bill is not to be believed! If you managed to get a social worker for her, you're doing better than me: I somehow have never been able to crack that particular nut. I have, however, lucked into a wonderful care manager who deals with all the day-to-day nitty gritty details, but before that it was more than a little hit or miss (I get shivers just thinking about it).

I was fortunate in that my Mother stopped driving 15 years ago (she's 89) so I didn't have that to worry about. Also, that she has limited mobility (which mean she couldn't wander).

Any questions (or simply moans), post away.

Regards

Jennifer

 

[Áine]

how can I go about taking away the car when the time comes in the easiest poosible way for both of us as I predict arguments, major resistance, anxiety and threats from her.

Hi Sooty,

You might find this thread useful http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/talkingpoint/discuss/showthread.php?t=5124

no easy answers ..... but lots of people who understand the difficulties.

best wishes

Áine

 

[Sunflower]

Distant Carers

Hi Sooty,

You're not alone in being distant from your affected relative. Although we're a mere 500 miles away, like you, we live in a different jurisdiction. I think there might well be issues that are common to people in this situation, so keep on posting and we'll try and help each other out.

 

[Skye]

Hi Sunflower

Just wanted to welcome you to TP. Keep posting, we're a friendly bunch.