1. moviefan318

    moviefan318 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    32
    northamptonshire
    hi my name is carol and my mother who is 86 has dementia, at the moment she is in hospital after an operation due to a fall.mum lived with me for 12 months before the never sleeping wore me down, I also have 4 children aged 18,15,14and 11 years.my problem is that since her op she has become very aggresive and throws things and is now hitting out at staff this is so not my mum and as I am an only child this has become a nightmare that takes over your life she has also got to be reasessed as the home she was at cannot give her that high level of care.my mothers dementia seems to have progressed rapidly since her op has this happen to anyone else ,thanks for listing carol
     
  2. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    Hi and welcome to TP,
    The neurologist told me that going under anesthesia can worsen dementia. He said the brain doesn't have the capability to bounce back that a healthy brain does after being anesthesized. My Grandmother had dementia years ago and when she had hip surgery it took 4 days for her to wake up. She was never the same after that. Now my Mom has AD, fortunately hasn't had any surgery but if it does happen I'm sure it will not help her condition. But you know, if they need an operation, you just have to let it fall out as it will.
    Debbie
     
  3. moviefan318

    moviefan318 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    32
    northamptonshire
    thanks debbie for your reply,they told me at the hospital that it was not from the anaestetic but the change in her has been so dramatic that it was the only thing it could be.I am visiting her this afternoon and dreading it as her anger suddenly coming from nowhere is very hard to cope with wish me luck carol
     
  4. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    558
    Stow-on-the-Wold
    Hi Carol

    Welcome. Let us know how the visit went. AD is very hard to cope with and we all feel desparately low at times, share your problems with us - it may help.

    Hugs

    Dick
     
  5. susieb

    susieb Registered User

    Apr 16, 2006
    26
    I'm an only child too - and I think it makes a difference - I know in families with more than one child responsibility isn't always practically shared out - but at least you only have part of the responsibility and worry, and can leave some for someone else - or perhaps its not like that?
     
  6. moviefan318

    moviefan318 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    32
    northamptonshire
    well the visit to see mum was better, although this was due to her having been sedated,even so she was still trying to climb over the cot sides of the bed.I understand that they need to do this for her sake as well as the other patients but i .worry that it will just add to the confusion in her head from the op.Before the op i could make her understand me and reassure her when she was frightened but not anymore, I also think that mum does not like all the people that come with being in hospital.Today i am hoping to hear if mum is being assessed and where we go from here as regardes future care thanks for listening carol
     
  7. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    HI Carol,
    I hope the assesment goes well for you. I can only imagine how being in the hospital would be for someone with dementia. They can't reason or comprehend much of anything and then they are in pain and have all these white clad strangers poking and proding them. Must be similar to being abducted by aliens ! If your Mom likes music perhaps you could take a cd of her favorites, it might help to calm her. Her favorite flower or anything she would find familiar. Just grasping for ideas here.
    I am one of six kids, my real brother and four step siblings. I'm the only one that does anything though. If it weren't for my husband I would be totally alone in caring for my folks. If I were an only child, at least I wouldn't be ****ed off at my siblings for their inability to help ! ( whether it is by location, situation or choice)

    Let us know how it is going.
    Debbie
     
  8. moviefan318

    moviefan318 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    32
    northamptonshire
    thanks all for your support, i am not having such a good day today first i feel bad at not visiting mum yesterday, i just could not deal with her pushing me away and walking off. some times i wish she never had the op before it she did still know me but now their is nothing you can see from her eyes she has not got a clue who i am,they tell that she could still be getting over the anesthetic they will give her 2/3 days then they will assess mum.today i have social worker (who sounded quite concerned about mum ,this has not been the case with others but i could be proved wrong)calling to see me this a first ,the other 2 were just on the end of a phone i sound very bitter but the system as i call it told me that mum need more help than i could now give and has failed her as she has had a lot of injures due to her constant falling black eyes, bruised ribs,5 inch cut to arm(which the thought needed surgery because of muscle damageshe luckly did not need)and the last injure an infection on her thigh that had to be drained.when i read this back it sounds terrible i seem to do nothing but argue with people just to make sure mum is safe,sorry to ramble on but is it just me or does any one else have these problems.all i want is for mum to be safe and cared for thanks carol
     
  9. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    #9 Lynne, May 5, 2006
    Last edited: May 5, 2006
    Hi Carol,
    From what I read here, it certainly seems that it's NOT 'just you' & that the only way to get the care which our loved one are entitled to
    (by virtue of having been hard-working contributors to the nation's coffers all of their lives, prior to becoming ill) is to argue, complain and fight for it tooth & nail! I really hope that is a false impression (skewed statistically by the fact that one hears more about bad service than about systems which work as they should) but I fear that is wishful thinking.
    My Mum is not yet beyond 'normal' living, with a bit of guidance & support from me, so I am not speaking from personal experience.
    However, your story (with slight variations) is told here time and again and again.
     
  10. moviefan318

    moviefan318 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    32
    northamptonshire
    hi lynne
    things may be looking up (i say hopefully) the social worker from the hospital has been to see me and to cut a long story short the home mum was in say that mum is more than they can handle with the hospital giving her 24 hr care ,after her assessment next week we are more than likly looking at nursing home care ,i have been given a list with a few to look at, also she will stay in hospital until a suitable place is available this is the first time in over 6 months that i feel i am getting somewhere i hope. so all who are still fighting for the right care please never give up it is there carol
     
  11. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    That's good!

    Doesn't it feel great when you feel you've finally made some headway. I've got my fongers crissed fro yuo ...

    Just a thought ... keep your own notes, of everything.
    Dates of meetings with Doctors, CPN, social worker/s (incl. names).
    What was discussed/suggested/promised, and by whom.
    If something is supposed to happen, by what date is it supposed to happen, or is it conditional on anything else?

    I'm not trying to pee on your matches, or blunt your optimism.
    I just know from experience that it focuses the minds of people if they know that things have been noted, target dates agreed, etc..

    Best wishes
     
  12. moviefan318

    moviefan318 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    32
    northamptonshire
    hi lynne
    thanks for your advice I alredy write down things in a diary this started because of all mums falls.but you are right about names and promises, my experiences have not been good in that department i e.WE ARE AIMIMG FOR NO FALLS then after several YOU CANNOT STOP ALL FALLES.
    On a brighter note mum seemed much calmer today not walking so much and she looked at me as if NOW MAYBE I KNOW HER.
    thanks carol
     
  13. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I have not been in your situation where mum does not recognize me, but have been when it comes to having to fight & get stress out in getting help for mum, but some how we get it at the end.

    Just like to say hi carol & welcome to TP I have not been on TP for long ,but find it a great help
     
  14. moviefan318

    moviefan318 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    32
    northamptonshire
    hi Margarita
    thanks for the welcome,yes I find this place really friendly and helpful, before finding TP I felt very alone with loads of questions and no answers but since finding this site through reading these posts I have had a lot of my questions answered thanks
    carol
     
  15. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Hi Carol and welcome...I only joined TP a week ago and I've found it a real help and got really good advice...Its good to know that we're not alone isn't it? Good luck
    Wendy(Mel)
     

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