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busierbee

New member
Sep 24, 2020
1
Hi folks, it's recently been brought to my attention that my mother is exhibiting signs and symptoms of Alzheimers/Dementia. Apparently, she has been showing these signs for years, and appears to be slowly deteriorating. She lives 2,000 miles away with her husband/partner (they're not legally married).

The onus is being put on me to help her as her husband can't seem to get her to cooperate with seeing a doctor or legal matters. She plays video games all day, repeats herself, has had strange bouts of paranoia, anger issues, etc. Everyone sees she is ill, except herself.

Can anyone tell me how I can get her to see a doctor or talk to her about this issue without involving social services or police. I'm leaning towards having her declared legally incapacitated, but realize I need to get doctor's diagnosis. Anyone with any info to assist me would be welcome. Thank you!



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jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
1,220
Southampton
hello busierbee may need to use love lies in that you tell her for going to the doctor but steer away from you are ill because she will deny it and refuse. has she got a flu jab coming up, could be one possibility or contact the gp and explain how your mum is, he probably wont be able to discuss specifics due to confidentiality but they can listen and they probably know your mum well enough to know what to say that may work. there is a link to compassionate communication but im useless at bringing up on screen but if you put it in the search bar it will come up or others will come and upload it for you. dont argue with her, she will argue and deny theres something wrong and may take time before she accepts help and gets convinced to go to the gps. you can only suggest it. by the way alzheimers ia a type of dementia
 

Sandy47

Registered User
Aug 14, 2019
33
Hi folks, it's recently been brought to my attention that my mother is exhibiting signs and symptoms of Alzheimers/Dementia. Apparently, she has been showing these signs for years, and appears to be slowly deteriorating. She lives 2,000 miles away with her husband/partner (they're not legally married).

The onus is being put on me to help her as her husband can't seem to get her to cooperate with seeing a doctor or legal matters. She plays video games all day, repeats herself, has had strange bouts of paranoia, anger issues, etc. Everyone sees she is ill, except herself.

Can anyone tell me how I can get her to see a doctor or talk to her about this issue without involving social services or police. I'm leaning towards having her declared legally incapacitated, but realize I need to get doctor's diagnosis. Anyone with any info to assist me would be welcome. Thank you!



I
Hi busier bee. This is a tricky one. I suspected my OH had dementia for 18 months before I could get him to see a doctor. He always denied there being anything wrong except getting older (he was only 64).
Eventually I told him I was going to see the doctor on my own and because he didn't want me talking about him behind his back he agreed to go. I had in fact already seen our GP because I was so worried but she refused to talk to me about him without his consent.
Anyway, she carried out simple tests with him, drawing a clock face, counting back from 13, date and time, etc. then sent him for blood tests and brain scans. When he finally got referred to the memory clinic they did similar tests and diagnosed alzheimers. He always did and still does maintain that he can do all the tests with no problem because there is nothing wrong with him.
I found lots of pieces of paper in his room with attempts to draw clock faces, none of which resembled a clock face but to him they did.
He hates anything to do with doctors now so I have to tell him he is due for an annual check up, flu jab, whatever just to get him there. Even then he sometimes refuses to go and there is nothing I can do.
Good luck!!!