It really is so imperative to recognise that the disease (Alzheimer's) is the culprit and a complex adversary by any standards. Yet WE as carers maintain capacity and all that implies - frustration, upset, sense of failure, confusion and despair and exhaustion. The one living with dementia does not have capacity if Alzheimer's or dementia as a whole has infiltrated their lives. Thus behaviour is governed by the disease. Even " normality" when it presents, is often short lived or indeed still governed by the diseased mind. You cannot challenge dementia as you might an irate person with full capabilities. You cannot apply the everyday status quo nor expect a positive response at all times to what seems wholly reasonable or even loving. As each case is different as indeed each day or hour in respect of dementia, we act day to day and try hard not to react to mood swings or unfamiliar comments. Not at all easy. Alzheimer's can be varied in its progress, but mood swings, depression, apathy, anxiety, paranoia and other features are familiar to those who have been close to that specific dementia in a loved one. You should most certainly not feel a sense of failure when all seems so negative or difficult. Dementia is an immense challenge to the best of intentions and demands respect because it inhabits the one whom cannot combat it, nor understand it, yet who has been claimed by it despite everything.
Saying these are clearly early days sounds rather trite, but alike all of us who have trodden this unique pathway you find ways and means to alleviate conflict, to observe your own state of mind and not be overly concerned about what was once the ideal. As to family members not seeing as you see, this is again very familiar territory. My sister - a highly experienced tutor nurse and a graduate of Great Ormond Street many moons ago with psychiatric patient experience et al - came over from France to assist me with my mother's care. During the two weeks on which my sister engaged with her mother, she openly admitted to being physically drained and that the whole experience had been a "real learning curve".
So, don't feel too disheartened . There are friends here in a rather broad and special community, offering a supportive hand and an empathy combined.
With warmest wishes