1. Derek

    Derek Registered User

    Jul 17, 2008
    Pewsey, Wilts
    My wife, age 80, has had Alzheimer's for several years, being held stable up to now with medication. Recently her condition has started to worsen, mainly in that she has started to feel that she is not in her own home and asking me to take her home as people will worry about her absence. There are no other people as we live alone.

    I have tried showing her photos and other personal items around the house, but she just says that she remembers them from when she used to live here.

    I wonder if anyone has similar problem and if they have any suggestions as to how to cope with what is, to both of us, a distressing situation

    Many thanks
  2. Cliff

    Cliff Registered User

    Jun 29, 2007
    North Wales
    Hello Derek,

    Welcome to TP, am sure you will find a lot of help here.

    Was in the same situation as you until 2 months ago when my wife, Dee went to a Nursing Home. We are in your age group.

    At home she often asked "When are we going home ?" Gentle explanation satisfied her for a while then the same question would be repeated.

    Ditraction worked for a while but the question was asked many times over the months.

    Very best wishes to you,
  3. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    Welcome Derek

    I can't comment on your situation from personal experience, as my Mum doesn't exhibit this particular 'symptom', although she has others such as needless anxiety.

    However, this "I want to go home" scenario is one which I have read about here many times, and I'm sure you'll be getting more useful responses soon.

    Best wishes
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Hi Derek, welcome to TP.

    As Cliff and Lynne have said, this is a common theme in dementia. The general view seems to be that 'home' is not a particular place, but a wish to return to a time and situation when the person felt secure.

    Does this usually happen in the early evening? If so, it's called 'sundowning', when the person becomes restless and needs to be 'home'.

    You may find this factshet helpful:


    All the best,
  5. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005

    My husband (79) does not always realise that this is home!.
    However this happens many times when he has just woken up from a deeo sleep. This ame he awoke to say 'where is my car, how did I get here without it, etc. etc.?' He seemed to have dreamt about driving the car to somewhere! It took at least two hours to come out of it.

    I call this 'living a dream' which I know some others do.

    Dementia is a strange old world.

    Love Jan
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Hello Derek

    I have every sympathy with you. My husband has wanted to `go home` almost every day for the last five and a half years.

    Admittedly that is when we relocated and he has found it difficult to settle in a new environment, but we had been visiting this area for ten years previously, so he knew it well.

    There have been posts from Talking Point [TP] members who have lived in the same house all their married lives, who have the same problem.

    It is sundowning and often relates to long term memories of childhood, or even living in the era of childhood or young adulthood.

    It is very distressing.

    The reason I am posting at this hour is because my husband was up very late, talking about `going home`. I pacified him eventually by telling him we would go to the station tomorrow and book a ticket. I hope by then he will have forgotten. He usually does........ until the next time.

    That`s all I can suggest for your wife. Tell her you`ll make arrangements, or you`ll make enquiries, or you`ll go tomorrow. Anything that might satisfy, for the moment.

    Take care xx

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