New member - struggling to cope

ceris

Registered User
Jun 7, 2012
67
0
Bedfordshire
Hi all.

This is my first post, prompted by the fact that everyone on here seems so helpful, and in the same boat as me.

This is a long story - so sorry to ramble, but I need to get it out, down in writing. My dad is 86, and I, his daughter, am his only child. I've been in a caring capacity, in one way or another, for twelve years. Firstly my mum had chronic lung disease, then developed what I think was Alzheimer's, and then died of lung cancer almost four years ago. dad was her main carer at home, while I supported them both with increasing frequency, until my mum died. At first dad, although obviously devastated, seemed to be coping okay. Then about three years ago, exacerbated by falling out of his shower and breaking three ribs, he became increasingly depressed, until he was talking about suicide. This was, I think, when his memory started going, probably the onset of the Alzheimer's he's recently been diagnosed with.

Anyway, he became increasingly depressed, talking about wanting to die, only not committing suicide, he said, because of the upset it would cause me and my kids (I was divorced ten years ago, and he loathed my ex), but that he definitely wanted to die and be with my mum. You can imagine how distressing this was for me - horrific, in fact, and my mental health started declining again (I'd already had a severe breakdown after my marriage broke up).

So, he had carers at home. They were always calling me up at work (I work full time as a lecturer), I was having to go home or go to the hospital with him on various visits to A&E on a regular basis. This was really difficult for me, not only because I'm an only child with sole responsibility but because I was having to leave work when I was supposed to be there, and I don't drive either! Dad was becoming increasingly depressed. In January this year I had a call from a local mental health institution for elderly people with mental health problems saying that he had been admitted there because of these continuing suicidal tendencies. To say this was a shock is an understatement. However, the place did seem to do him good, and he was reluctantly beginning to agree that he couldn't manage at home with carers any more and he was going to try residential care.

The last good memory I have of dad was on a Sunday in late February when my son and I took him up Dunstable Downs for a walk - he was walking well, which he hadn't done for months, and he was really, really happy. Two days later another resident of the institute pushed him over during an altercation with another resident, and my dad broke his hip. I am currently in complaint mode with the NHS trust about this, because on that day, I believe, I effectively lost my dad for good.

My dad had an operation to repair the damage and initially seemed to be doing ok. Then he got post-op delirium, shouting at nurses (he's a lovely man and never shouts at anyone normally), shouting at me, etc etc. Things just went crazy. My health began to decline too, the stress, the worry, the anger at what happened almost too much.

After that, he was moved into a dementia unit in a CH, which was really nice, with good staff, but dad couldn't settle, becoming more and more confused, constantly falling, in and out of hospital (the only place he seems to trust), before he was admitted to hospital and told he couldn't go back to the CH because he now needed nursing care, which that CH couldn't deliver. I was under huge pressure to find him a place, and found one that seemed okay pretty quickly. He was there one day before they announced that they couldn't cope with him there (they didn't realise he was so confused etc etc) and was put back in hospital again. I looked somewhere else, a nicer place, actually, and they assessed him and agreed to take him.

Then on Tuesday night, I had a call from hospital saying that dad had collapsed. On Wednesday they told me he was dying, that he had shut down. My kids and I sat with him on a constant basis, utterly exhausted, but I found a kind of peace in that he was finally going to be free of this horrible life (his words about his condition before this happened - 'this is a bloody awful way to die'). We all said goodbye (twice), and looked forward to him being at peace. On Friday morning there was no change, and we were told that he seemed to be improving.

I'm afraid I freaked out. The thought of having to carry on with all this, of going through all of this again, has brought me to my knees - and if this sounds selfish, it's because all I want for him, and me, is peace. I don't know how to cope with this any more. I don't know if if I can do this any more, and keep my job, which is extremely stressful but which despite it, I love, and need to be able to live. And the thought of him going into another CH and him being miserable breaks my heart more than the thought of his death. Not to mention sorting out all the legal stuff - probably CoP now that he probably doesn't have capacity any more.

I hope you won't think badly of me. I am at the end of my tether with this, and I just needed to get it off my chest. I've been to my GP, but as per usual, he wasn't much help.

Many thanks for listening.
 

melon

Registered User
May 5, 2012
29
0
Welcome to TP. I am sure no one will think badly of you as everyone knows how hard it can be. You do need to think of your own well-being.
 

Christin

Registered User
Jun 29, 2009
5,038
0
Somerset
Hello Ceris, welcome to Talking Point.

I am so sorry to read your post. Please don't think of it as a ramble, and I'm sure no one will think badly of you at all. I hope that putting your feelings into words has help you a little.

I hope that your dad can find some peace and settle a little. I am sure it so difficult for you. If you can, try to take one day at a time. I know that is easier said than done.

Sending my very best wishes to you. Please do post again and let us know how you are.

x
 

Sue J

Registered User
Dec 9, 2009
8,032
0
Dear Ceris

No one will feel badly of you for wanting your father's suffering to be over.

It sounds like you need to take some time off work right now and cope day to day with whatever happens.

Wishing you all peace
Love
Sue
 

Loopiloo

Registered User
May 10, 2010
6,117
0
Scotland
Dear Ceris

Of course nobody will think badly of you. Many of us have been at the end of our tether, I certainly was when I found TP, and a few times since. No one will judge you here, we all understand. You, and your Dad, have been through very difficult times.

Sadly, GPs are not always the most sympathetic at such times. As Kassy said, this is the place to let it all out, there are many listening ears and much compassion and caring support.

Concerning your Dad, how is he now since you were told on Friday that he was improving? Depending on the state of his health and the reasons for his collapse, also his age, nature may well take its course. Whatever happens, try to take everything one day at a time - one hour at a time. Try to preserve your energy by not anticipating the future and what may or may not happen.

I know it is hard when everything is racing around in your mind, and that is mentally and emotionally exhausting. But now you have TP where you can come and 'let it out' and ease some of that exhaustion. It can help.

I hope it has helped a little to get it off your chest, and feel free to do so whenever you need to do so. Let us know how you are and what is happening. Wishing you strength to get through whatever lies ahead.

Loo xx
 

Lucy Lastic

Registered User
Nov 30, 2009
135
0
Dorset
When I found I could not cope with everything, working full time and dealing with my Mother's needs, I went to the GP's surgery, no appointment, in floods of tears and sat in the waiting room until a doctor was free to see me.

I was at the end of my tether and had no idea why I went there or what I was expecting/wanting. I think it was a panic attack. The GP signed me off work for 2 weeks with "carer strain". This gave me the breathing space I needed and I was able to deal with things in my own time and rest when I needed to. I had to extend the time off work for a few more weeks until I was able to cope.

Is it possible you could do something similar?
 

piedwarbler

Registered User
Aug 3, 2010
7,189
0
South Ribble
Hi Ceris

I hope you are feeling supported by the welcome on this forum for you. :)

I agree with Sue, it sounds like you need to take a bit of time off work. Is there a more sympathetic doctor in the practice that you can ask to see? Failing that, you could always change doctors!

Also, about your dad. My mum got very ill last January, with an infected pressure sore. She had 3 or 4 courses of antibiotics and went down to 4 1/2 stone. I prepared for the worst, and actually felt quite a deep sense of relief that I thought I could see an end to her dreadful suffering (she has MS and dementia and suffers terrible spasms that wrack her body).

To everyone's surprise, she pulled through, and is still here. I feel a sense of sadness and regret that her ending is so prolonged and so full of pain. However, some of the time she is very peaceful and very content, and her pain is well managed most of the time, which helps. I do think sometimes she still has some quality of life, so I then feel guilty for wishing her suffering would end. I totally, totally, understand where you are coming from. Please accept my sympathy and my very best wishes. I hope you feel you are not alone. :)
 

ceris

Registered User
Jun 7, 2012
67
0
Bedfordshire
Thank you

Thanks for all the messages of support. Means a lot. My father is no change really - in bed, drinking and eating little bits here and there, but not dying any more, apparently (well, not imminently).

Going to see his hospital doctor tomorrow, and hopefully there will be someone from social services there too to see where we go from here. I need to be very strong, because I have to say: enough is enough. Neither my dad nor me can go through any more of this constant change and upheaval.

Didn't say in my previous post but what with hospital visits and CHs, he's been moved nine times in six months! Ridiculous!

I am on annual leave for two weeks now, so didn't need to be signed off work. Actually, to give him his due, the GP did offer. I'll see how I feel, but I do feel let down in general by the services that are supposed to help us. I don't get why it all has to be so hard, when my dad and I - and all of us - paid/pay huge amounts of taxes. And the human cost of all this pain and suffering has been and is incalculable.

Ah well. I do feel better for putting it all in writing, and knowing that there are people like you all out there to empathise and give advice.

Thanks again :)
 

greengirl

Registered User
Jun 25, 2012
108
0
Southern England
Hi all.
It sounds as if your dad had enough a long time ago and the in/out of hospital and CH's who did not realise he was confused (?) can only make things worse. I know some people look to hospices for care as alz/ dementia is classed as a terminal illness and he certainly has multiple problems that need to be cared for by well staffed well trained nurses in a quiet environment. So whether or not he has reached the end given the awful experiences you have chronicled a hospice may be worth asking about, even if it just ends up offering time to recover properly from the latest incident.

plus, why use up your AL if Dr has offered you a perfectly valid 'sick note' you can take your AL leave later with most employers. Take care of yourself.:)

gg
 

qubecks

Registered User
Jun 28, 2012
38
0
nottinghamshire
x

Dear Ceris

No one will feel badly of you for wanting your father's suffering to be over.

It sounds like you need to take some time off work right now and cope day to day with whatever happens.

Wishing you all peace
Love
Sue

x i wish you peace too x watching my mum everday is so hard ? i wish my mum peace also x i hATE SEEING MY MUM SUFFER X but thats the way it is , so all i can do is try to make her safe , happy and well x untill the dreadfull illness lets her go x
 

ceris

Registered User
Jun 7, 2012
67
0
Bedfordshire
x i wish you peace too x watching my mum everday is so hard ? i wish my mum peace also x i hATE SEEING MY MUM SUFFER X but thats the way it is , so all i can do is try to make her safe , happy and well x untill the dreadfull illness lets her go x

Yes, I agree that this illness is utterly dreadful. I was a nurse once, and I've seen some awful things but this, with its gradual stripping away of a person's personality and physicality, is maybe one of the wost. You're right, all we can do is try our best for our loved ones. Unfortunately I haven't seen my dad happy in too many years - he was miserable looking after my mum when she had AD, and now, as said, he's been suicidal and wants to die.

For his sake, and mine, I just hope his suffering ends quickly. He's 87 - how long can a body that old go on in this state?

I have a lot of questions I want to ask today, and a lot I want to say. I just hope I get some answers that will help.
 
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Kathphlox

Registered User
Dec 16, 2009
1,088
0
Bolton
Hi ceris & qubecks,

You're doing OK, don't worry, we all feel like you do, at least once a week I wanted to run away from it all.

Dad recovered from pneumonia after being given 2 hours to live, we sat with him in a quite room where he had been moved to for a few hours. Then at 4 am he came too and was looking round, we were all surprised and pleased. We went home as the sun was coming up, went to bed and slept well knowing he was OK.

This happened before and he recovered twice, the third time he didn't make it... I didn't cry, just a small tear and a goodbye kiss. The relief for him and us was immense.

Yesterday we held the funeral, I thought I would make it through without getting upset, but it was too much, I left the graveside with tears rolling down my face.
 
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ceris

Registered User
Jun 7, 2012
67
0
Bedfordshire
Hi ceris & qubecks,

You're doing OK, don't worry, we all feel like you do, at least once a week I wanted to run away from it all.

Dad recovered from pneumonia after being given 2 hours to live, we sat with him in a quite room where he had been moved to for a few hours. Then at 4 am he came too and was looking round, we were all surprised and pleased. We went home as the sun was coming up, went to bed and slept well knowing he was OK.

This happened before and he recovered twice, the third time he didn't make it... I didn't cry, just a small tear and a goodbye kiss. The relief for him and us was immense.

Yesterday we held the funeral, I thought I would make it through without getting upset, but it was too much, I left the graveside with tears rolling down my face.

Best wishes to you and your family. You've been through a lot, and I hope you do find some peace soon.

Thanks for giving your support, even though you're suffering your loss.

I'm so glad TP is here x
 

Big Effort

Account Closed
Jul 8, 2012
1,927
0
Hello Ceris,
I read your post with interest. It is so strange that we find ourselves in situations like this. I can sympathise because I am going through much of the same as you. Here I am, intelligent enough, capable, and this whole Alzheimers situation is so big, so complex and mostly so sad.

I read the posts of others with equal interest. I too have experienced relief at the death of my father. He had a major stroke at the age of 76, and was too physically weak to do much about rehabilitation. Mentally he was spot on and very, very brave. My husband and I left our home and work to live with my parents as my mother's one desire was to keep him out of a home. It took him a year to die, and we watched the life seep out of him day by day. He never, ever complained. Eventually he started to fuss about drinking and the Daffodil nurses explained that if he didn't drink he would go into a coma and die in a few days, but that if he was adament about not drinking not to force him. He never drank again and subsequently died, very peacefully. I remember walking into the room, went over to his body, kissed his forehead and said "Well done, Dad". This was genuine relief, not for me, but for him. There was some relief for me too as I had a young baby and was expecting my second. I often think about praising him for making it into death, sometimes I have felt justified, others I felt a bit abnormal. So it was interesting to notice others, too, have felt death was a blessed relief.

Now I have to face condemning my mother into a home...... shattering for me as I know her views on homes and the lengths she was prepared to go to to keep my Dad out of one. She has Alzheimers (hence my visiting this forum), and her behavior is getting so difficult, she has lost all trust in me, and I see either unhappiness or hatred in her eyes when she looks at me.

And after condemning her to an institute, comes the whole downward spiral, including probably pneumonia. My mother always said that pneumonia was the friend of the elderly (she trained as a nurse before the war). My gut clenches and I wonder just how I am going to cope with the days, weeks, maybe even years ahead. How will she ever forgive me for putting her in a home? In brief, I don't believe she will.

Sorry if this is depressing, but I am trying to handle big things too.
I look forward to reading how you and your Dad are getting on. And try to have a rest and do a couple of nice things for yourself while off work - after all that's what normal folk would be doing on holidays.

You are doing so well. I have seen others who 'don't do old age' and indeed they don't. They merely shed their parents. We, in accepting the end of their lives, seem to have to accept that there will be a great deal of pain, tiredness and difficulty.

Greetings from Francee, then, Big Effort
 

qubecks

Registered User
Jun 28, 2012
38
0
nottinghamshire
x

Hi ceris & qubecks,

You're doing OK, don't worry, we all feel like you do, at least once a week I wanted to run away from it all.

Dad recovered from pneumonia after being given 2 hours to live, we sat with him in a quite room where he had been moved to for a few hours. Then at 4 am he came too and was looking round, we were all surprised and pleased. We went home as the sun was coming up, went to bed and slept well knowing he was OK.

This happened before and he recovered twice, the third time he didn't make it... I didn't cry, just a small tear and a goodbye kiss. The relief for him and us was immense.

Yesterday we held the funeral, I thought I would make it through without getting upset, but it was too much, I left the graveside with tears rolling down my face.

i send you my love at this sad time for you x your dad is peacefull now , in his mind and body x this tp site is a life line to all of us x many more people will need it as this dreafull illness affects so many ? tears are good , so let them flow x love from qubecks x
 

ceris

Registered User
Jun 7, 2012
67
0
Bedfordshire
Hello Ceris,
I read your post with interest. It is so strange that we find ourselves in situations like this. I can sympathise because I am going through much of the same as you. Here I am, intelligent enough, capable, and this whole Alzheimers situation is so big, so complex and mostly so sad.

I read the posts of others with equal interest. I too have experienced relief at the death of my father. He had a major stroke at the age of 76, and was too physically weak to do much about rehabilitation. Mentally he was spot on and very, very brave. My husband and I left our home and work to live with my parents as my mother's one desire was to keep him out of a home. It took him a year to die, and we watched the life seep out of him day by day. He never, ever complained. Eventually he started to fuss about drinking and the Daffodil nurses explained that if he didn't drink he would go into a coma and die in a few days, but that if he was adament about not drinking not to force him. He never drank again and subsequently died, very peacefully. I remember walking into the room, went over to his body, kissed his forehead and said "Well done, Dad". This was genuine relief, not for me, but for him. There was some relief for me too as I had a young baby and was expecting my second. I often think about praising him for making it into death, sometimes I have felt justified, others I felt a bit abnormal. So it was interesting to notice others, too, have felt death was a blessed relief.

Now I have to face condemning my mother into a home...... shattering for me as I know her views on homes and the lengths she was prepared to go to to keep my Dad out of one. She has Alzheimers (hence my visiting this forum), and her behavior is getting so difficult, she has lost all trust in me, and I see either unhappiness or hatred in her eyes when she looks at me.

And after condemning her to an institute, comes the whole downward spiral, including probably pneumonia. My mother always said that pneumonia was the friend of the elderly (she trained as a nurse before the war). My gut clenches and I wonder just how I am going to cope with the days, weeks, maybe even years ahead. How will she ever forgive me for putting her in a home? In brief, I don't believe she will.

Sorry if this is depressing, but I am trying to handle big things too.
I look forward to reading how you and your Dad are getting on. And try to have a rest and do a couple of nice things for yourself while off work - after all that's what normal folk would be doing on holidays.

You are doing so well. I have seen others who 'don't do old age' and indeed they don't. They merely shed their parents. We, in accepting the end of their lives, seem to have to accept that there will be a great deal of pain, tiredness and difficulty.

Greetings from Francee, then, Big Effort

Hey there. Thank you so much for your message. You're right - I am capable, intelligent, well organised, etc etc, so to find I can't cope with this is unbearable. It's probably because I don't feel I have control over the situation because I'm so scared of it all. And obviously because my dad's always been my hero and to see that hero fall to this vile disease...

I don't really 'do' old people. I was once a nurse and hated what was then called geriatrics, but how can I shed my dad, who, as I said, was once my hero, the only man who, I feel, has never judged me? I want to walk away from the situation, not from him. Having said that, accepting his death is much more simple for me than accepting the life he had now, a life he loathes, that he wanted to be free of years ago when my mum died. It kind of hurts to know that I'm not enough to keep him wanting to be here, but I understand. I've been there too, for different reasons.

Anyway, I am trying to take the philosophy of day by day. He'll be moving out of hospital into a nursing home soon, and I have requested no more treatment for him, to let him go next time anything happens. I know life is meant to be sacred, but not one without dignity. Compassion is more important, and that's what I want for him. The compassion to say: enough. Let him be.

I am trying to do some nice things. Had a lovely day in Brighton today for my daughter's birthday (despite the rain!). We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Best to you too. It's so good to have somewhere to go where others understand. Most people don't.
 

wewoo

Registered User
Aug 17, 2012
1
0
Give yourself a break...... How could anyone think badly of you? You have struggled.

Most people would have been defeated at having struggled thru' even a quarter of what you have managed. My mum has just been diagnosed and I am very afraid of the future, for her first, but also for myself and my sister. My sister and I have divorced parents, one living at each end of the country. Both appear to be dementing. Mum has AD whilst dad has cerebral vascular dementia. My sister and I, even at this fairly early stage, have often wondered how either of us would cope, even with one of them, without each other. It sounds like you are on your own and with young children too? I really hope very much that you find a way of looking positively at what you have done and are doing. It's AMAZING !! If I were wearing a hat, I would take it off to you. I'm not, but I'm sure you get my meaning, Wewoox



Hi all.

This is my first post, prompted by the fact that everyone on here seems so helpful, and in the same boat as me.

This is a long story - so sorry to ramble, but I need to get it out, down in writing. My dad is 86, and I, his daughter, am his only child. I've been in a caring capacity, in one way or another, for twelve years. Firstly my mum had chronic lung disease, then developed what I think was Alzheimer's, and then died of lung cancer almost four years ago. dad was her main carer at home, while I supported them both with increasing frequency, until my mum died. At first dad, although obviously devastated, seemed to be coping okay. Then about three years ago, exacerbated by falling out of his shower and breaking three ribs, he became increasingly depressed, until he was talking about suicide. This was, I think, when his memory started going, probably the onset of the Alzheimer's he's recently been diagnosed with.

Anyway, he became increasingly depressed, talking about wanting to die, only not committing suicide, he said, because of the upset it would cause me and my kids (I was divorced ten years ago, and he loathed my ex), but that he definitely wanted to die and be with my mum. You can imagine how distressing this was for me - horrific, in fact, and my mental health started declining again (I'd already had a severe breakdown after my marriage broke up).

So, he had carers at home. They were always calling me up at work (I work full time as a lecturer), I was having to go home or go to the hospital with him on various visits to A&E on a regular basis. This was really difficult for me, not only because I'm an only child with sole responsibility but because I was having to leave work when I was supposed to be there, and I don't drive either! Dad was becoming increasingly depressed. In January this year I had a call from a local mental health institution for elderly people with mental health problems saying that he had been admitted there because of these continuing suicidal tendencies. To say this was a shock is an understatement. However, the place did seem to do him good, and he was reluctantly beginning to agree that he couldn't manage at home with carers any more and he was going to try residential care.

The last good memory I have of dad was on a Sunday in late February when my son and I took him up Dunstable Downs for a walk - he was walking well, which he hadn't done for months, and he was really, really happy. Two days later another resident of the institute pushed him over during an altercation with another resident, and my dad broke his hip. I am currently in complaint mode with the NHS trust about this, because on that day, I believe, I effectively lost my dad for good.

My dad had an operation to repair the damage and initially seemed to be doing ok. Then he got post-op delirium, shouting at nurses (he's a lovely man and never shouts at anyone normally), shouting at me, etc etc. Things just went crazy. My health began to decline too, the stress, the worry, the anger at what happened almost too much.

After that, he was moved into a dementia unit in a CH, which was really nice, with good staff, but dad couldn't settle, becoming more and more confused, constantly falling, in and out of hospital (the only place he seems to trust), before he was admitted to hospital and told he couldn't go back to the CH because he now needed nursing care, which that CH couldn't deliver. I was under huge pressure to find him a place, and found one that seemed okay pretty quickly. He was there one day before they announced that they couldn't cope with him there (they didn't realise he was so confused etc etc) and was put back in hospital again. I looked somewhere else, a nicer place, actually, and they assessed him and agreed to take him.

Then on Tuesday night, I had a call from hospital saying that dad had collapsed. On Wednesday they told me he was dying, that he had shut down. My kids and I sat with him on a constant basis, utterly exhausted, but I found a kind of peace in that he was finally going to be free of this horrible life (his words about his condition before this happened - 'this is a bloody awful way to die'). We all said goodbye (twice), and looked forward to him being at peace. On Friday morning there was no change, and we were told that he seemed to be improving.

I'm afraid I freaked out. The thought of having to carry on with all this, of going through all of this again, has brought me to my knees - and if this sounds selfish, it's because all I want for him, and me, is peace. I don't know how to cope with this any more. I don't know if if I can do this any more, and keep my job, which is extremely stressful but which despite it, I love, and need to be able to live. And the thought of him going into another CH and him being miserable breaks my heart more than the thought of his death. Not to mention sorting out all the legal stuff - probably CoP now that he probably doesn't have capacity any more.

I hope you won't think badly of me. I am at the end of my tether with this, and I just needed to get it off my chest. I've been to my GP, but as per usual, he wasn't much help.

Many thanks for listening.
 

ceris

Registered User
Jun 7, 2012
67
0
Bedfordshire
Most people would have been defeated at having struggled thru' even a quarter of what you have managed. My mum has just been diagnosed and I am very afraid of the future, for her first, but also for myself and my sister. My sister and I have divorced parents, one living at each end of the country. Both appear to be dementing. Mum has AD whilst dad has cerebral vascular dementia. My sister and I, even at this fairly early stage, have often wondered how either of us would cope, even with one of them, without each other. It sounds like you are on your own and with young children too? I really hope very much that you find a way of looking positively at what you have done and are doing. It's AMAZING !! If I were wearing a hat, I would take it off to you. I'm not, but I'm sure you get my meaning, Wewoox

Wewoo - thank you so much. My dad has died since I wrote this post - August 10th - and although I am obviously grieving, I am glad for him, that he's finally at peace. I guess my dementia journey is over, and now I can start to remember my wonderful as he once was - a kind, gentle man who would do anything for his family. I wish you luck and peace with your dad. It's so hard, but we have to get through it, and somehow we find the strength.

Ceris x
 

janetlynn

Registered User
Jul 22, 2012
107
0
England
Hi Ceris,

Sorry to hear about your dad passing away. I know it is a blessing as he had had enough but it is still sad that you have lost your dad. Maybe now you can find peace and find comfort in all the happy memories you have of him.

Take care,
Janet.
 

ceris

Registered User
Jun 7, 2012
67
0
Bedfordshire
Hi Ceris,

Sorry to hear about your dad passing away. I know it is a blessing as he had had enough but it is still sad that you have lost your dad. Maybe now you can find peace and find comfort in all the happy memories you have of him.

Take care,
Janet.

Thank you Janet x