New Member says Hello

[Luna]

Hello all!

I have just written out a long intro and lost it all - d'oh!

So to cut a long story short - I am 36 full time carer to mum who is 76. Not worked for several years. Got my first respite in October after over 4yrs of caring. Care workers attend 4 times a day. I take on a large amount of care needs for mum.

She has vascular dementia and has the classic good and bad days. She is getting worse though. She even wakes me up frequently at night by shouting, which is great when you live in a flat!

I have other issues related to caring - mum rents our home and is the tenant - she cannot sign the tenancy into my name thus if she goes into a home - I get kicked out as I could not afford the rent. So would be homeless. When she passes on I shall be left in a similar position, except I can inherit the tenancy but need to find the rent - not easy to get a well paid job when you haven't worked for some years!

I have suffered and cleared up eczema on my hands, which I got through stress. I now have terrible scalp problems and some alopecia.

I sometimes get very low - I'm 36 - my bf and I cannot plan a future. I don't know if I will ever have children, etc, etc.

I hope by meeting new people who understand the caring role, I may learn to cope better and also learn some new tips and tricks!

I don't moan all the time - contrary to my intro - but am very scared of the future, which is very unstable with the net result that I will lose my mum along with everything else.

 

[bel]

i am sure you dont moan all the time

dear luna
dont apologise you are allowed to have a moan it is hard caring my hubby has frontal lobe dementia and i am sure meeting people who understand the caring role helps Welcome to tp
sending love
bel x

 

[jenniferpa]

Hi Luna, and welcome to TP

Don't worry about moaning - we all have a good moan sometimes.

As a psoriasis sufferer I can really relate to the skin problems. Stress does make it worse, which great to know, but darn near impossible to do anything about.

Have you consulted the CAB about your tenancy situation? Do not assume you would be tossed out on your ear, and also, don't assume you wouldn't be eligible for assistance in paying the rent if it came to it. Also, do you get carer's allowance? If anyone is eligible you should be.

Jennifer

 

[mel]

Hi Luna
welcome to TP
i understand how you feel. i think that when you become a full time carer your own life is put on hold......very difficult to plan ahead....which can be quite scary at times....
you'll get plenty of support on here so keep posting
love xx

 

[Luna]

Thanks both for the replies.

With regard the eczema stuff on my hands, I found something that really works well. Worth a try if you want to give it a go. Lush Cosmetics make loads of natural stuff, but I have found that washing my hands in Figs and Leaves soap and putting their Dream Cream, (which is famous for healing eczema), really helped. After a few weeks of persistance it was gone.

Look at their website - www.lush.com and click the GB flag. They seem quite expensive, but I bought some Dream Cream a year ago and it's still almost half full.

The scalp problems are getting me down though.

With regards the tenancy bit - I've been onto the housing dept and they would pay 6 months rent if mum passed on but would then reduce it to a single person rate. However, if she goes into a home, they would not pay the full amount at all and I would have to suddenly find nearly £800 a month or more if the landlords put the rent up! I've looked into it - I'm scared! Wish I was entitled to get housing like criminals and asylum seekers are! I'm not pregnant, don't have children and not seriously sick enough - apparently!

I get carers allowence - for what it is worth *ahem* and income support. We get the full benefits we are entitled to.

Oh forgot to say, Mum is off to respite for a week tomorrow - which is brilliant as my first respite in October - wait for it - I got brochitis!

If it can happen, it's happen to me! Got to stop that sort of rubbish happening though. 2007 is a year of adventure. A picnic with the dog is overdue!

 

[Margarita]

Are you renting from the council or from a private property owner?

If your mum went into care home and you was on jobseeker allowance, housing benefit would pay the full amount .

With the council if your mother passes away or go in care home , as long as you can prove you live with your mother the tenancy go to you , unless the tenancy was in your father name and your mother name , your father died and it pass on to your mother.

PS

I've been onto the housing dept and they would pay 6 months rent if mum passed on but would then reduce it to a single person rate

(But then privets renting is very high and maybe housing rebate has a limit in how much they pay towards rent }

As in london as long as your geting jobseekers allowance they pay the full rent , as long as jobseekers see that your looking for work they pay your Jobseekers allowance that give you full rent rebate , but it could be

because by that time they think you should be back at work .....unless you go to your doctor saying that after years of carering you are now so stress , depress that you can’t work.

So doctor may sigh you of work for 6 mouths and you get IN cap benefit , if you have not paid enough national insurance contribution over the years , they give you income support , for the 6 mouths and then you have to go back to the doctor after 6 mouths and someone from the medical unemployment team to see if your fit to go back to work

 

[Sarah-Anne]

hi Luna

I used to care for my dad before he passed away 3 weeks ago. I am 37 and like you...my life has been on hold. I gave up my job to care for him too.
I understand exactly and if ever you neded to talk...moan...ask for advice.....don't heistate..
Sarah- Anne

 

[nicetotalk]

H i sarah anna

just read your post only having lost your dad 3 weeks ago and being a carer must be so raw for you at the moment. Take every day as it comes each hour each second take care of yourself and againpost whenever you feel like it.

kathy

 

[allylee]

Hi Luna,

I cared for my nan and then my mum two years later with AD, whilst still working full time. My marriage ended as a result of my poor husband feeling neglected!
To be honest I admire you guys who care full time, my job was respite to me , though sadly mum had to go into full time care three weeks ago due to her increased vulnerability.
I acknowledge that we put our lives on hold, Ive had no social life at all, and although Ive always been a very gregarious person, I have lost the energy and desire to go out and socialise.
I really empathise with your post Luna, as will many of us on this site. Its a difficult journey but you will find so much support on here, TP has saved my sanity so many times

Keep up the good work

Love Ally xx

 

[Natashalou]

sucession

the law on tenancy sucession is exceedingly complex. As the previous poster says, a secure tenancy can succeed only once, eg husband to wife, and as it was usual social landlord policy to make only the man a sole tenant until approx the late 70s when joint tenancies bacame common practice, many tenancies have already suceeded.
Therefore, if there has been a previous succession, you would not be legally entitled to suceed to the tenancy. HOWEVER , even if there HASNT been a previous sucession, it may NOT be possible to suceed to the tenancy of THAT property, as it works that you may suceed to "a" secure tenancy NOT necessarily of the home you occupy, if you are going to be underoccupying USUALLY by more than one room , although that will be up to a judge to decide, who will normally consider the overall housing situation in the area.
This is usually called a "statutory sucessor required to move"
BUT the good news is the vast majority of social landlords do, in your situation, accept a "moral " duty to rehouse into a property suited to housing need, eg single person, studio or one bed. this is called a "non statutory succesor required to move".
IF you are unfortunate to find yourself threatened with homelssness, if you are a single woman under pensionable age you would not NORMALLY be entitled to assistance as stat homeless..but there may be ways around this which I will happily advise you on should you find yourself in that situation.
There MAY also be another way around the whole problem , as while you may not be able to succeed, it may be possible for a TRANSFER of tenancy from sole to joint. Again, this is complex, and if your lanlord wont "play ball" you may need to get a court decision. there are a number of hosuing charities which will give free advice although NOT usualy legal representation.
Of course, if your landlord is private, I suspect this is one of the older tenancies where protection will only be for your mother and it will be back to the homeless route. Do ensure you are on the LA housing register anyway as many are still date prioritized. Do pm me for any more advice.
regards