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New member needs advice please

Worrywart 2

Registered User
Jul 7, 2015
hi - my first post.
My mother had brain haemorrhage 3 years ago aged 73. She had severe cognitive and physical problems after but managed to eventually return to her home with the help of carers. We muddled through for 2 years with lots of support from me. In January this year I needed surgery for long term health problems. I developed complications and was hospitalised for 4 months. I am home but not well and mother had deteriorated. She has started displaying very bizarre behaviour - long story short the doctors are now saying she has vascular dementia as a result of the brain haemorrhage. She was admitted to hospital last Friday after a week of wondering and falls. They are now saying it is not safe to discharge her home and I get a feeling care home is being looked at. In her lucid periods of which there are many, she will flatly refuse. I suppose my questions are as follows please ( we live in Wales so I think rules are different ? )
Firstly I would like to stress I do not want her in a care home but until I recover I am unable to provide the extra care she needs.
She owns her house - very modest and in need of repair. I realise this will have to be sold to pay for her care. We have considered though renting it out as the rental income plus her income may just about cover her fees - has anyone done this and any obvious pitfalls please. If we sold the house it's likely to take ages to sell and is not high value property by any means.
Whether we sell or rent out, the house is in poor state of repair. My mother has some savings but only about £15,000 - we have power of attorney but have never used it - would we be allowed to use some of her savings to do the necessary work to the house or would this be classed as deprivation.
Before she deteriorated she wanted to give the grandchildren a £1000 each in premium bonds. She write cheques out for them but we didn't give them to the children as at the time it would have meant losing interest on her isa. We didn't realise she would deteriorate so quickly. Is it too late now to give the grandchildren the cheques - they are within date but now of course she is in hospital.
I find this horrendous, I am her eldest daughter and have serious health issues - just recovering from perforated bowel. My sister has very young children and no support only from me ( ny mother used to help her but obviously has been unable to since th brain haemorrhage ). The strain is wrecking my marriage. I am worried about the financial implications of doing the above as I don't want to get into trouble - I cannot cope as it is.
Sorry my first post is so long - I will post on the other relevant threads about the emotional side of this as it is devastating for all concerned.
A very sad disease.


Registered User
May 22, 2015
Hi and welcome to TP. I don't have any relevant experience of this type of thing relating to property but I'm sure others will post later. I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time and being so poorly yourself is adding to your distress.

Do you roughly know how long it will be until you recover from your op?

You are not alone and can always ask questions or have a rant on here and as a fairly recent newcomer to this forum myself I have found it very helpful.

I do understand how relationships can suffer as my partner and I have really been struggling lately due to all the stress relating to my Mum and her impending court case.

I hope you can find the help you are looking for. Do phone the help line on here for advice too.

Hugs xx
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Registered User
Oct 18, 2010
North East England
Hello and welcome. I'm sorry you've had such a rough year. I do hope you recover well and quickly ( in that order:D ).

The only advice I can offer is that you talk with your local Social Services ( Adult social care) and ask for a Needs assessment for Mum and a Carer's assessment for yourself. They ought to be able to advise you of the cost implications of respite and perhaps tell you if there are any local Day Centres for Mum. If you have a local office of the the Alzheimer's society, I suggest you give them a ring too.
I hope my reply might bump your question up to the top so that better informed people than I can give you more help.:rolleyes:
Get well soon. Maureen.x.