New member. My father has dementia

[Queen Bee]

Hello all,

Googled forums today as I really feel that I need to talk with people who understand. My father has diagnosed dementia and some days I find it hard to deal with but I know I need to stay strong for him. He doesn't live too close to me which makes me feel worse that I can't see him often. In the last month, he has taken to ringing me everyday. Some days he is better than others but always fully aware that he has dementia. He tells me so and that he struggles to remember things. Tonights call was hard because although he was ringing from his landline number, he seemed to think he was in a strange place. He thought his wife was just his friend staying with him. From the little experience I have, I try not to correct him as he only gets more confused and I am not there to physically help him.

I was wondering if anyone has any coping tips and what I can do to help him if anything?

Thanks in advance and sorry for the long post!

 

[chris53]

Hello Queen Bee, welcome to Talking Point thank you for introducing yourself. You will certainly find understanding and support here, so sorry that your dad seemed confused tonight, but he may have a urine infection, seems that is very common with this illness so no harm in getting this checked out by the GP as this can make anyone extra confused you seem to be coping very well with not correcting him if he says the wrong thing, that can be so hard, trying to get into their world please do keep posting and let us know how things are
Take care, best wishes
Chris x

 

[Queen Bee]

Thank you Chris. That's exactly it, learning to be in his world. That's why I wanted to come here amongst people that understand. His wife says that he is more confused at night time for some reason. You're right about the urine infections though, he has had a few of them and they did make him more confused + agressive.

 

[Patv82]

A new stage in your relationship

Dementia/Alzheimers affects all the family in different ways. Do not let yourself be caught up with guilt or regret in your new relationship with your parents. You are basically entering a new chapter - which you did with them when you got married, had children, moved away for college/job.
The challenge is going to be to know when to let things go or when to step in as needed. Trust your instinct. Yes, millions of us have been where you are but only you can decide what is best for you and your family. Keep the naysayers and negative comments out of the conversation, especially within your family. I learned very quickly that some family members just wanted to be right, as they did nothing but talk about helping. I kept moving forward in assisting my mother and discussed less and less with the extended family. I considered them either part of the solution or part of the problem. Stay positive.