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New member. Mum with worsening dementia


New member
Jun 30, 2019
Hi there. My mum was diagnosed in 2014. She is currently getting stuck on the stairs and not eating much, although eats better if we feed her. My dad doesn't want a bed downstairs and isn't accepting that we need to help her now with feeding. He says she is being awkward. I try to tell him it's because of her memory and try to explain things. It seems there should be some kind of nurse explaining these things but there isn't. I want mum to stay at home and feel with more carers mum would eat and drink better, but dad isn't accepting of this. I know dad is doing his best; he is nearly 80 but I just feel mum could be looked after better with more carers. I want to help as well but find it emotionally very hard seeing my mum decline. Thank you for your help.


Registered User
May 21, 2018
Hello @Susanarnold77 . As I've said in other posts, our parents are a stubborn breed, from a time when mental health wasn't discussed and asking for, or accepting, help was seen as a sign of weakness. I expect your Dad feels he should be able to look after your mum without assistance and that your mum should jolly well get on with it. You could try to persuade your Dad that it is you who need some help in supporting mum. Perhaps he would accept that?

I see that @karaokePete has given you some good advice and hope that the Admiral Nurses can help you.


New member
Jun 30, 2019
Hello @karaokePete and @lemonbalm
Thank you for your messages.
I have tried the admiral nurses in the past. I just wish they did home visits and would speak to dad. I keep mentioning about more carers and I guess that's all I can do. We are very lucky in lots of ways. I have read posts on here about people's difficulties. We are very patient with mum and she laughs a lot. I know dad gets frustrated but hopefully she will manage at home until the end.


Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
hi @Susanarnold77
one concern of your dad's may be finances ... sadly many think that they will have to sell their home to pay for care
this may help set his mind at rest

in fact any fees for care should be funded only from your mum's finances and half any shared savings, but if she has little the Local Authority begin to contribute ... their home is disregarded as long as both or one of them live there

Attendance Allowance is also available, not means tested but based on needs ... once this is received, the Council Tax can also be reduced