i have joined talking point hoping for contact with carers in a similar position. my husband was diagnosed with demantia 6yrs ago, he was 57 and i was 49. The diagnosis came like a bolt from the blue, although i knew something was not right i wasnt expecting that. My husband is doing well on the whole but he has really slowed down and needs assistance with most things. his mobility is poor and his balance and coordination are not good. His thought processes are slow and he has difficulty remembering words but his memory for other things remains quite good. From my perspective i feel like i am living with an old man, everything has changed, we no longer share interests, i have no social life and feel i am just treading water and getting old too soon. Help
new member looking for support and chat
- Thread starter 2 young
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I'm not in your boots as I am a lot older than you - I'm 60. My husband is 21 years older than me and he was diagnosed 10 years ago. Although I am older than you I can empathise with what you're feeling. There's no easy answer to this. Have you had a carer's assessment? I don't know your circumstances - eg if you work full time or not. If you don't and you are a 24/7 carer then it is really important that you get some time for yourself. x
Hi and welcome to Talking Point. I'm sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis. I know you will find lots of support here.
thanks izzy
thanks for your promt reply, i have had assessment and do get support with day care and occasional respite. i gave up work 2 yrs ago to care for my husband not sure whether this was the right thing to do because i seem to have lost contact with others. i have family but friends seem to have disapeared. my brother has kindly set me up with the laptop so maybe this will fill a gap
thanks for your promt reply, i have had assessment and do get support with day care and occasional respite. i gave up work 2 yrs ago to care for my husband not sure whether this was the right thing to do because i seem to have lost contact with others. i have family but friends seem to have disapeared. my brother has kindly set me up with the laptop so maybe this will fill a gap
My wife was diagnosed in June 2009 at the age of 51. At times it is soul destroying to watch my soulmate of 30 years dissapearing before my eyes. However we concentrate on the good days and our wonderful daughters and (even more wonderful) grand daughter. Every day I tell myself that Dr Alzheimer will have her eventually but not yet !!!!
Hello & Welcome 2 Young to T P , you will find lots of Support & help here as i have done ( My Father has Moderate Dementia )
Make sure you have lots of rest as Izzy says it is important
Love & Hugs Love Grove x x
P S..... Are you able to join a Local Group from the Altz Society ? is there one in your area ? Good way to meet other Carer's etc ....... Good Luck !
Make sure you have lots of rest as Izzy says it is important
Love & Hugs Love Grove x x
P S..... Are you able to join a Local Group from the Altz Society ? is there one in your area ? Good way to meet other Carer's etc ....... Good Luck !
I was a little older than you when dementia struck my husband aged 58. It was an almightly blow and the changes in my life caused by the disease, in my husband's case, Lewy Body Dementia were dramatic! It took me completely by surprise, although I should have realised much, much earlier, that the problems he was encountering needed a diagnosis.
I think it is the shock of finding yourself in this position which is the hardest to deal with. The changes in the person you love are very hard to live with and it took me some time, and this site, to understand and finally accept my husband's condition.
I did grow to accept the changes and it has made me a much different person than I was before but it is a very hard thing to face indeed.
xxTinaT
I think it is the shock of finding yourself in this position which is the hardest to deal with. The changes in the person you love are very hard to live with and it took me some time, and this site, to understand and finally accept my husband's condition.
I did grow to accept the changes and it has made me a much different person than I was before but it is a very hard thing to face indeed.
xxTinaT
Younger Onset
Hi - my husband was diagnosed at 54, I know just how you are feeling. Things do change drastically, but you must try and make sure that you look after yourself too. Join a support group, enlist the help of friends. I tried to do everything myself and my own health suffered. People are very understanding. My own husband is in hospital care and has been for 5 years now, I have just started to try & rebuild my own life. Enjoy the time you can together, but try & put in place options for your own respite times when you can do something you enjoy or just treat yourself to a massage or facial or even just a long walk
Hi - my husband was diagnosed at 54, I know just how you are feeling. Things do change drastically, but you must try and make sure that you look after yourself too. Join a support group, enlist the help of friends. I tried to do everything myself and my own health suffered. People are very understanding. My own husband is in hospital care and has been for 5 years now, I have just started to try & rebuild my own life. Enjoy the time you can together, but try & put in place options for your own respite times when you can do something you enjoy or just treat yourself to a massage or facial or even just a long walk
thanks for your reply. I am trying to look after myself and trying to enjoy the time we have together although both these things are sometimes very hard to do. I think I am coming to terms with it more now and am trying very hard to just take one day at a time and not worry about tomorrow. I am fortunate that I have been able to sort out some respite and my husband seems quite happy with this. I try to use the time to unwind and love to get out for a walk. I seem to have lost contact with friends over the last few years but do have good family although I do often feel very alone, this worries me a bit for the future. I hope you have a good network of friends and are able to rebuild your life, it cant be easy but then nothing about this is easy is it? I think that if you have the strength to get through the caring then you will find the strength to get through this next stage.
I would also like to add a Warm WELCOME to Talking Point. I could relate to some of what you said although the ages are different. I knew the sense of isolation and the disappearance of friends and family. I bought a computer and learnt how to use it and found Talking Point. It was a real life-saver to me. Being a member of TP meant that I could access support as and when I needed it without ever having to leave the house. I began to find the great benefit of being able to just tap in and out of the forum when I needed to without all the social graces that are needed in the real world. It became a fantastic source of vital information, support and friendship. I am convinced that my husband benefitted from my involvement because I became a much better carer and I learnt about his illness and this information enabled me to source the best outside support for him.
Talking Point has a Tea Room and I often had a lot of fun in there as we organised virtual retreats and played silly games together. I couldn't have had this kind of relief in the real world because I couldn't get out and this virtual fun was so wonderful. I can honestly say that at times I felt 'happy' as I connected to others.
I don't know what your experience will be, but I do heartily welcome you and hope that it proves to be a wonderfully positive experience for you.
Love
Talking Point has a Tea Room and I often had a lot of fun in there as we organised virtual retreats and played silly games together. I couldn't have had this kind of relief in the real world because I couldn't get out and this virtual fun was so wonderful. I can honestly say that at times I felt 'happy' as I connected to others.
I don't know what your experience will be, but I do heartily welcome you and hope that it proves to be a wonderfully positive experience for you.
Love
Iam new to this as well
Hello, I have been humbled by so many people and there plights on TP there are so many faces to this awful condition,it has been a shock to realize how many young people there are with it.My husband is 19 years my senior and we have been married for 35 years.We are 2years on our journey I am still feeling a bit angry about it all I had plans for my retirement all gone now me time are the wee small hours. I have a stepson 5years my junior I can see problems there about his inheritance not sure if he has by law any entitlement or not.I have LPA since doing that he has changed towards me, he makes comments about his dads money,I have read tonight the evil money can cause I to would give my husband anything to help us on this journey it makes me so sad that money can matter at this time .
Hello, I have been humbled by so many people and there plights on TP there are so many faces to this awful condition,it has been a shock to realize how many young people there are with it.My husband is 19 years my senior and we have been married for 35 years.We are 2years on our journey I am still feeling a bit angry about it all I had plans for my retirement all gone now me time are the wee small hours. I have a stepson 5years my junior I can see problems there about his inheritance not sure if he has by law any entitlement or not.I have LPA since doing that he has changed towards me, he makes comments about his dads money,I have read tonight the evil money can cause I to would give my husband anything to help us on this journey it makes me so sad that money can matter at this time .
Hello Coxy51,
Welcome to TP, although I'm sorry that your husband's illness means that you had to find it.
As you say, there are so many issues that the illness raises - anger, loss, frustration and so on, let alone how to cope with the everyday care problems. Sadly also it does bring out the worst in some people in terms of money and family relationships - none of which helps whilst mourning the loss of what should have been.
Please do start your own thread if there is anything in particular you want to talk about.
Best wishes xxx
Welcome to TP, although I'm sorry that your husband's illness means that you had to find it.
As you say, there are so many issues that the illness raises - anger, loss, frustration and so on, let alone how to cope with the everyday care problems. Sadly also it does bring out the worst in some people in terms of money and family relationships - none of which helps whilst mourning the loss of what should have been.
Please do start your own thread if there is anything in particular you want to talk about.
Best wishes xxx
What to do
My husband was 50 when he was diagnosed. I have continued to work full time, as finances demand! However this does give me some feeling of worth and obviously I have good conversation and a laugh. I do feel selfish however I can never see myself giving up my career as I do not have a pension to fall back on and all our savings have now gone and to be honest I enjoy my work so much. Unfortunately my husbands family stay away most of the time as they are finding it hard to accept even after 2 years. I would say a little part time job may help you stay in contact with people and keep you going.
My husband was 50 when he was diagnosed. I have continued to work full time, as finances demand! However this does give me some feeling of worth and obviously I have good conversation and a laugh. I do feel selfish however I can never see myself giving up my career as I do not have a pension to fall back on and all our savings have now gone and to be honest I enjoy my work so much. Unfortunately my husbands family stay away most of the time as they are finding it hard to accept even after 2 years. I would say a little part time job may help you stay in contact with people and keep you going.
Thanks for your reply. I am finding TP a good support already. I have only just had my computer and it is lovely to be able to get on it at night and have a chat. Everyone is so lovely, im sure im going to like it here. Take care.
Im so sorry you have enough to worry about without the worry of money and you are right it shouldnt matter at this time. Maybe you need to find out about your rights though as you do need to take care of yourself. I know what you mean about feeling angry, I also feel this. My husband and I had so many plans for our retirement and although he is older than me he was always fit and healthy and young looking until this dreadful dementia took hold. One of our loves was walking and we used to hike in the mountains of Wales, this is the thing I have missed the most. We also liked to go to the cinema or out for a meal. Very simple things but all of them not enjoyed now. I know I can still do these things and I do at times but I miss doing them with him. Take care.
thanks for your reply. Im glad youve been able to continue working as this obviously helps you. Unfortunately I was a nurse and found the shift work too difficult to do and arrange care for my husband. I have given up a lot and that includes pension so dont really know what will happen when I reach retirement age, but I try not to think about that too much. I have accepted that I have to be at home now for my husband, he wont accept care at home as he doesnt like strangers coming in the house. But he does go to day care [he gets picked up at about 10.30 and is back at 3.30] and I do get a break. I do look after my grandson a couple of days a week and this gives me a boost as he is adorable, hard work but adorable. I have thought about a part time job and maybe I will look into it, we'll see. Take care.
thanks for your replies
I have just finished answering all my replies on this thread. mainly saying thankyou and how much being on TP is benefiting me. its lovely to hear from you all and know that you understand. I dont know what has happened to my replies I must be doing something wrong but please bear with me i will get used to it and I am very gratefull that you have taken the time to speak to me. Thanks again and take care.
I have just finished answering all my replies on this thread. mainly saying thankyou and how much being on TP is benefiting me. its lovely to hear from you all and know that you understand. I dont know what has happened to my replies I must be doing something wrong but please bear with me i will get used to it and I am very gratefull that you have taken the time to speak to me. Thanks again and take care.
Hello 2 young! I have just seen your posts and comments via the monthly Talking Point newsletter - so pleased that you have found this excellent forum and these excellent friends here.
You may also like to look at Memory People on Facebook.
Is there a carer's group near you - you may also find some very firm friends there in a Dementia Cafe or in a general carer's group where you are 'face to face' and with friends-to-be in similar circumstances.
My very best wishes Evergreen
You may also like to look at Memory People on Facebook.
Is there a carer's group near you - you may also find some very firm friends there in a Dementia Cafe or in a general carer's group where you are 'face to face' and with friends-to-be in similar circumstances.
My very best wishes Evergreen
Please feel free to contact me any time, if you give me an email address then I can email you one evening. Bron
