New Member: Help regarding keeping mom safe

[AlanG2112]

Hi. A request for practical help here. My mom (89) lives in her own flat and has carers going in twice a day. My brother lives near-ish and goes in every other day to take food and provide company. Mom has no real stimulation, doesn't watch TV, rarely listens to the radio and cannot now concentrate or manage newspapers or puzzles. Her dementia and confusion is deteriorating quickly but until Friday she has never 'wandered' and has only left the house for doctors appts in the last 12 months +. It was a surprise to us that she left the flat on friday night, dressed, but wearing slippers, not taking keys and was very fortunately taken in by someone in the street opposite who noticed her confusion and dress and got her back home. If she had set off the other way, or an hour later, the outcome could have been much much worse. My brother has stayed with her since and is monitoring everything, food and water intake, memory, confusion etc but this isn't sustainable beyond a few days. We will be contacted by the Safeguarding Team tomorrow and will know more by then about how she has been since, but her confusion seems increased and she doesnt recognise the flat as her own.
I ask if anyone has experience of a similar situation as to whether it is likely that we will have to try all the practical solutions first - doormats that trigger alarm, personal GPS (which she won't remember to put on), installing CCTV (she doesnt have Wi-fi) etc, or whether now she has done it once it is likely that we will have to look at a Care Home as an immediate response. I know it depends on each persons circumstances and I know that Covid will not be a help in this in terms of isolation and not being able to go to a care home for say 2 week on a 'trial' basis, but would appreciate anyone's experiences before we speak to the safeguarding team tomorrow. Thanks in advance for reading this, and responding if you are able.

 

[lemonbalm]

Hello @AlanG2112 . If you think your mum is suddenly more confused, it is wise to check for urine infections, as these can make existing dementia symptoms much, much worse. Also good to check that she is taking in enough fluids, as dehydration can also increase confusion.

I'm sure other members will be along with advice about useful technology and their experiences. Just in case, there is a very useful website about care-homes, how to choose them, funding and so on. You may not need it just yet but best to be prepared: It has a lot of useful links at the bottom of the main page (Link below):

Care Homes & Nursing Homes UK – Care Home Reviews & Nursing Home Reviews

Guide to over 17,500 care homes, nursing homes and residential homes providing care in the UK, also the leading UK review site for care homes and nursing homes.

www.carehome.co.uk

I've assumed you are in the UK but may be wrong?

 

[AlanG2112]

Hi @lemonbalm . Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. Yes we are in the UK. The paramedics and District Nurse both think there isnt any sign of infection, if either of these are the case it is more likely to be dehydration. The benefit of my brother staying with her for 2/3 days is the 24 hour monitoring of fluid and food intake and seeing how she responds. Part of me asking was whether once we have spoken to Safeguarding their first response would be to say a care home is the only way, or might we be asked to leave her on her own and see if she does it again. We will know more after another 24 hours of monitoring (hopefully). Thank you again for the links regarding Care Homes, I will give them a look now. Thank you again!

 

[angelict]

It's it's dehydration then the gp will now have reports through from these services any change in behaviour needs to be looked into as the last resort would be a hospital admission. With regards to her being at home Adult Social Care need to be contacted so you ask them for a needs assessment. A lot of work but unfortunately you will have to deal with it if she is at risk again then it's safeguarding be under no illusions she wanders and the police pick her up they would have to report to all other services.

 

[anxious annie]

Hi @AlanG2112 , I agree with others saying to get mum checked out for infections first. If she reverts to how she was previously you may want to try out the different resources and perhaps increase visits, but if she is still confused and has wandered once I think she is likely to again, and this time may cause herself injury. If your mum is self funding she could move to a care home without SS input, but if not you will have to go through the channels of trying more support I think, tho safeguarding may consider her risk to warrant care home now. You could research care homes yourself to find out facilities, costs, care etc so you have an idea of suitable places. It's not easy for visiting at the moment, but hopefully with the vaccines, this will improve before too long.

 

[AlanG2112]

Thank you @angelict . We are following up and insisting on a doctors visit tomorrow as her legs aren't good either. She is already in the Social care system and Safeguarding will be contacting us tomorrow. She would be self funding and we suspect that a care home, either permanent or at least for a couple of weeks to get her legs sorted and her dementia assessed may be the outcome as at the moment we feel there is a risk to her staying in her home for several reasons, not least the wandering. Thank you so much for your input and answering!

 

[angelict]

You're very welcome @ AlanG2112 take care x

 

[AlanG2112]

Hiya. Thank you so much for responding and like other posters your comments are so much appreciated. We have a plan to get a doctor visit tomorrow to properly assess dehydration/infection and also her legs arent in a great condition. We too think she could wander again so leaving her on her own would be a risk in itself, particularly at this time of year and in lockdown. She is in the system with Social Services, receiving care visits through them, and a Care Home place would be self funding, so talking to the Safeguarding team will be key tomorrow. That was one of the reasons I posted, to find out how things 'normally' happen and as you mentioned, if Safeguarding consider the risks too great for both wandering and the ability to stay at home then we may be looking at a care home now, we can only see what tomorrow brings. I know some care homes are doing 'virtual tours' which might help if it comes to that. Thank you so much, stay safe!

 

[Coffa]

Definitely, any sudden change should be checked out medically. It could be something contributing to the confusion that can be put right. My mum got admitted to hospital for assessment, then she had the Reablement team assessing her at home, which included OT - they can look into what assistive technology might help. And yes, have Social Services assess her support needs. Hope you and/or your bother have LPA as you would then have to be included if your mother can't make decisions for herself

 

[quickstepqueen]

I wanted to send you love and strength to get through this. You must be worried sick. Sorry I can't offer any advice but I feel your anxiety.

 

[AlanG2112]

Hi @Coffa. Thanks so much. We will get the medical side checked out and we think maybe hospital assessment and treatment for her legs followed by seeing whether she is capable of going home might be the next step, or maybe similar in care home environment. We have got LPA’s fortunately, makes everything so so much easier. Thank you again, stay safe.

 

[AlanG2112]

Hi @quickstepqueen. Thank you so much ?. It is a worrying time, and seeing as I am miles away I can only offer practical and emotional support to my Brother. Whatever will be will be, but keeping her safe is obviously our main priority. Thank you again. I don’t know your situation but I send you love and strength back in whatever you are going through. Stay safe and take care ?

 

[Everest1969]

It's such a worrying time isn't it? My mother and father have just gone into a carehome on a two week trial basis. It was made more complicated by covid, as we couldn't go in and check the home. They also had to have a covid test prior to entering and then self isolate. It took about 5 days in all before they could enter, but it was possible. My mother has also had problems with her legs. The care home are brilliant and we are going to have another two weeks before deciding what to do in the long term. Good luck.

 

[Primrose19]

My mum was just like that but was very confused after her first wander so was admitted to hospital. Was probably dehydrated as hadn’t been eating or drinking properly, possibly for a while. Anyway she was assessed and went into residential care although to start with, the staff said people rarely went straight in if they hadn’t had care visits. Possibly because she said very determinedly that she wouldn’t let people into her home to help!

 

[AlanG2112]

My mum was just like that but was very confused after her first wander so was admitted to hospital. Was probably dehydrated as hadn’t been eating or drinking properly, possibly for a while. Anyway she was assessed and went into residential care although to start with, the staff said people rarely went straight in if they hadn’t had care visits. Possibly because she said very determinedly that she wouldn’t let people into her home to help!

My mom seems to be in a similar position that you were @Primrose19 and maybe we might end up with the same outcome as yours too. Covid has changed everything with Care Homes too, without that I would have thought a two week ‘trial’ would have given chance to assess her, she how she reacts, and give my Brother some respite. Thank you for sharing ?

 

[AlanG2112]

It's such a worrying time isn't it? My mother and father have just gone into a carehome on a two week trial basis. It was made more complicated by covid, as we couldn't go in and check the home. They also had to have a covid test prior to entering and then self isolate. It took about 5 days in all before they could enter, but it was possible. My mother has also had problems with her legs. The care home are brilliant and we are going to have another two weeks before deciding what to do in the long term. Good luck.

Thank you @Everest1969. It is worrying in terms of making sure we do the best we can to keep our parents safe, and in my moms case i think if she goes into care then that will likely be it, and she probably wouldnt be able to come back to her home. It is brilliant to know that even now you were able to get a trial, and even better to know that they have been brilliant in supporting your mom and dad. Thank you for sharing your story because I had guessed that trial stays were not likely to be an option. Good luck with your situation and thank you again for sharing ?

 

[Banjomansmate]

It might well be that SS will want to put a care package in place before a Care Home is considered. Maybe carers a couple of times a day to make sure your Mum is eating and drinking enough if dehydration was considered to be a contributing factor to her wandering.

 

[AlanG2112]

It might well be that SS will want to put a care package in place before a Care Home is considered. Maybe carers a couple of times a day to make sure your Mum is eating and drinking enough if dehydration was considered to be a contributing factor to her wandering.

Thanks @Banjomansmate . She does get 2 visits a day at the moment, hoping to get a Doctor visit tomorrow or to assess that better. Thanks for posting ?

 

[anxious annie]

If your mum is having 2 visits a day @AlanG2112 , SS may increase to 4 visits, which I think is the maximum. If mum still isn't coping with this level of support a care home would seem to be needed to keep her safe. It's very difficult for family with loved ones in care because of Covid, but hopefully with the vaccine things will get better soon. I hope you manage to get the help your mum needs.