Hello All,
Apologies in advance for the long fist post I'm writing things as I remember them.
I have just registered as I need advice or just need to vent regarding my Fathers' Dementia.
A little about my father - came from Yemen in the 1960's worked up until he retired in 1998/1999. After that would travel to Yemen with my mother in the winter months. Over the years since his retirement he's built a house in Yemen, my parents last trip was over 2 years ago because of the trouble out there.
I noticed that when he came back the final time he was very different, and would forever be asking me to take him to a town that's in Yemen, always getting on buses looking for this town. My mother told me that their last 2 trips he would be very abusive towards her (he was never like that previously), not physically but verbally. If anyone else is around (myself in particular) he doesn't say anything to her but if I'm not there it's almost as if he's found an opportunity to shout at my mother.
We've taken him to the doctor, he asked him a series of questions (what year are we in, etc) then diagnosed him with mixed Dementia, that's as far as it's gone with the doctor, the doctor does not seem interested in the slightest.
My father is very proud and has become very stubborn if you tell him to do something he will do the opposite, he's always been very independent, even till very recently he will go out every single day, I've lost count the amount of times I've been driving round in the evening looking for him, I've ended up putting my contact details in his buss pass, again the amount of times I've had people ringing me telling me they have my father and I've had to collect him. I even bought him a mobile with GPS so I know where he is, but he has stopped taking it with him as he became suspicious when I was turning up to pick him up when he was lost. There would be times he go out around 10 in the morning and not be back until 10 at night, not eating anything in between.
A few months ago he was knocked down (very slow speed accident) by a car he landed on his knee which flared his arthritis up so he struggles to get around I've bought him many walking sticks but he refuses to use them as it makes him feel "old", he still dyes his hair black, I think he thinks he's a teenager.
All his escapades have been getting on top of me recently so I have just gotten back from a week in Greece with my wife and kids, fat lot of good that did as my mind was back home with my mother and father and I couldn't rest, my sister stopped at home while I was gone to keep an eye on them, one evening she took him to A&E because his feet had swollen up they wanted to keep him in so my sister left him in the hands of the nurses at 12pm she gets a phone call saying he's agitated, she got there to hear him shouting at the top of his voice swearing blind that the Dr's and nurses are cutting people open to sell their organs!!!!!
He also has a problem with incontinence, he tries to make it to the toilet but we find a trail of urine to the toilet and then there's the mess in the toilet, sometimes he won't mention anything other times he will say there's water on the floor in toilet, he will never admit to having an accident, my sister bought him incontinence pads I knew for a fact due to his proud/stubborness he would never wear them and he hasn't. There are times where his clothes really smell bad when we've told him he gets very upset and angry.
A few examples of his "big" escapades.
1. Falling asleep on the train and missing his stop, getting off a few stops down the line, then walking up the line to get back, a train coming up the line stopped and picked him up and dropped him off at the next station where he was met by the police. That day he was convinced he's been to Italy
2. Getting on a train to go home (20 minute ride), ended up in London, we live near Birmingham. I get a phone call from a guy that found him, I was working in Liverpool that day so had to arrange for him to be collected from Wembley Police Station
3. Shouting at bus drivers (numerous times) for not taking him home or going the wrong way, when he has actually gotten on the wrong bus.
4. Telling my wife to make the people on TV a cup of tea.
5. Convinced the house he's in isn't his house and wants to go home
6. Last night dressed ready to go out at 1am I only heard him as he woke me when he was making a drink and broke a mug, I asked where he was going he said I'm going to my house, at 3am he woke my mother to say his sister was just here and why wasn't my mother downstairs to make her a drink (she hasn't been in the country in over 20 years), my mother went down an hour later where I could hear him asking where we are she's telling him it's 4 in the morning everyone is asleep, then he shouts at her to get out of the living room.
7. Numerous times accusing my mother of spying on him, hiding things from him, my mother does nothing but care for him like a child, cooking and cleaning for him, giving him his medication rubbing oils into his legs and feet, etc and all he does is pick on her I do feel sorry for my mother.
Above is just a small example of things he has done!!!
I'll admit that on occasions I've lost my cool and lost it at him which I immediately regret, and my mother doesn't tell me everything as she knows I get upset but I don't want her bottling it up.
The reason for the holiday I was feeling very stressed to the point when I burst into tears in front of my wife one evening, I haven't cried in well over 10 years but it got to much for me, but since coming back (Monday) he seems worse than ever.
We can't stop him from going out I've even told him to wait till I finish work I will take him wherever he wants or my wife or mother will take him anywhere he wants to go, but he waits till no one is around then sneak out, it really is like dealing with a child. If my mother makes him something he will say it doesn't taste nice but if my wife takes the same plate of food to him he says it tastes real nice!!
I'm at the end of my tether I can't imagine how my mother must be feeling.
I am so, so sorry for the giant first post but I needed to vent if anyone has any advice any advice at all I would be so grateful.
Again sorry for the huge first post.
Regards
Abz
Apologies in advance for the long fist post I'm writing things as I remember them.
I have just registered as I need advice or just need to vent regarding my Fathers' Dementia.
A little about my father - came from Yemen in the 1960's worked up until he retired in 1998/1999. After that would travel to Yemen with my mother in the winter months. Over the years since his retirement he's built a house in Yemen, my parents last trip was over 2 years ago because of the trouble out there.
I noticed that when he came back the final time he was very different, and would forever be asking me to take him to a town that's in Yemen, always getting on buses looking for this town. My mother told me that their last 2 trips he would be very abusive towards her (he was never like that previously), not physically but verbally. If anyone else is around (myself in particular) he doesn't say anything to her but if I'm not there it's almost as if he's found an opportunity to shout at my mother.
We've taken him to the doctor, he asked him a series of questions (what year are we in, etc) then diagnosed him with mixed Dementia, that's as far as it's gone with the doctor, the doctor does not seem interested in the slightest.
My father is very proud and has become very stubborn if you tell him to do something he will do the opposite, he's always been very independent, even till very recently he will go out every single day, I've lost count the amount of times I've been driving round in the evening looking for him, I've ended up putting my contact details in his buss pass, again the amount of times I've had people ringing me telling me they have my father and I've had to collect him. I even bought him a mobile with GPS so I know where he is, but he has stopped taking it with him as he became suspicious when I was turning up to pick him up when he was lost. There would be times he go out around 10 in the morning and not be back until 10 at night, not eating anything in between.
A few months ago he was knocked down (very slow speed accident) by a car he landed on his knee which flared his arthritis up so he struggles to get around I've bought him many walking sticks but he refuses to use them as it makes him feel "old", he still dyes his hair black, I think he thinks he's a teenager.
All his escapades have been getting on top of me recently so I have just gotten back from a week in Greece with my wife and kids, fat lot of good that did as my mind was back home with my mother and father and I couldn't rest, my sister stopped at home while I was gone to keep an eye on them, one evening she took him to A&E because his feet had swollen up they wanted to keep him in so my sister left him in the hands of the nurses at 12pm she gets a phone call saying he's agitated, she got there to hear him shouting at the top of his voice swearing blind that the Dr's and nurses are cutting people open to sell their organs!!!!!
He also has a problem with incontinence, he tries to make it to the toilet but we find a trail of urine to the toilet and then there's the mess in the toilet, sometimes he won't mention anything other times he will say there's water on the floor in toilet, he will never admit to having an accident, my sister bought him incontinence pads I knew for a fact due to his proud/stubborness he would never wear them and he hasn't. There are times where his clothes really smell bad when we've told him he gets very upset and angry.
A few examples of his "big" escapades.
1. Falling asleep on the train and missing his stop, getting off a few stops down the line, then walking up the line to get back, a train coming up the line stopped and picked him up and dropped him off at the next station where he was met by the police. That day he was convinced he's been to Italy
2. Getting on a train to go home (20 minute ride), ended up in London, we live near Birmingham. I get a phone call from a guy that found him, I was working in Liverpool that day so had to arrange for him to be collected from Wembley Police Station
3. Shouting at bus drivers (numerous times) for not taking him home or going the wrong way, when he has actually gotten on the wrong bus.
4. Telling my wife to make the people on TV a cup of tea.
5. Convinced the house he's in isn't his house and wants to go home
6. Last night dressed ready to go out at 1am I only heard him as he woke me when he was making a drink and broke a mug, I asked where he was going he said I'm going to my house, at 3am he woke my mother to say his sister was just here and why wasn't my mother downstairs to make her a drink (she hasn't been in the country in over 20 years), my mother went down an hour later where I could hear him asking where we are she's telling him it's 4 in the morning everyone is asleep, then he shouts at her to get out of the living room.
7. Numerous times accusing my mother of spying on him, hiding things from him, my mother does nothing but care for him like a child, cooking and cleaning for him, giving him his medication rubbing oils into his legs and feet, etc and all he does is pick on her I do feel sorry for my mother.
Above is just a small example of things he has done!!!
I'll admit that on occasions I've lost my cool and lost it at him which I immediately regret, and my mother doesn't tell me everything as she knows I get upset but I don't want her bottling it up.
The reason for the holiday I was feeling very stressed to the point when I burst into tears in front of my wife one evening, I haven't cried in well over 10 years but it got to much for me, but since coming back (Monday) he seems worse than ever.
We can't stop him from going out I've even told him to wait till I finish work I will take him wherever he wants or my wife or mother will take him anywhere he wants to go, but he waits till no one is around then sneak out, it really is like dealing with a child. If my mother makes him something he will say it doesn't taste nice but if my wife takes the same plate of food to him he says it tastes real nice!!
I'm at the end of my tether I can't imagine how my mother must be feeling.
I am so, so sorry for the giant first post but I needed to vent if anyone has any advice any advice at all I would be so grateful.
Again sorry for the huge first post.
Regards
Abz