New Kid on the block

Honour

Registered User
Nov 3, 2016
13
0
This is my first contact with talking point and I 'm not sure if i'm doing this right! :)

there is 20 yrs between me and my husband who is 85, who started with dementia 3 years ago and although I know it is going to get a thousand times worse:(( I am beginning to feel the strain on certain days.

He is having night terrors and fighting himself, I have left the marital bed for fear of injury, having been grabbed round the throat one night. I feel so desperately sorry for him as he gets so frightened and worried as this person, attacking him in bed, is so real. We have named him Basil, as in Basil Faulty!!!(Fawlty) he also had one in the middle of the day last week when I was out.

At the moment I am able to care for him well at home as he is not too much trouble, more of a frustration, with the, seemingly, stupid things he says and does. Its hard to believe at first that its not intentional! I know different now but it doesn't stop me getting the screaming abdabs sometimes.

it seems dreadful to say how comforted I am to hear others have the same reactions. Thank you so much. I think I might find this forum a great help. Even if i do just blether on! its cathartic i'm sure.

Do we all hope for the day when this most awful illness is over for us.? and we , the carer, can get back to what life we have left.o
 
Last edited by a moderator:

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
0
Kent
Hello Honour, welcome to Talking Point, you will have plenty of help and advice, delusions are very common with Alzheimers it is very frightening for you and your husband. You sound as though you are coping quite well, when you feel things are getting on top of you, try day care or respite for your husband, then you will have some free time to yourself. If you are not getting Attendence Allowance, you are entitled to claim it, it is not means tested, also reduction in council tax.
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,730
0
Ireland
Honour, have you spoken to your husband's doctor or Consultant about the delusions/hallucinations your husband is having? It might be worth mentioning - particularly if you think they are getting worse or more frequent. Or if you feel that you are in any danger. There is help available. Don't ever feel that once diagnosed, you just have to get on with whatever the illness throws up. My late husband suffered horrendous paranoid delusions - he believed that evil men were living in our attic and were attacking us, were torturing my dau to death, were going to kidnap/torture/kill him. That there were evil children living in the trees outside the house, who were screaming abuse and throwing things at us, so we couldn't go outside - he was living in a 24 hour nightmare. Finally, things got so bad, he was put on medication (anti psychotics eventually when nothing else worked), and it was as if the delusions had been switched off. He had two more happy, contented years at home before his illness progressed to a point where I couldn't care for him on my own anymore, and he needed a nursing home.

So, do keep your husband's doctor in the loop about what's going on. xx
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,443
0
Kent
Hello Honour

Lady A is right. However sorry and upset you are for your husband and however certain medication is frowned on, there are times when it is a necessity when symptoms become unmanageable.

This will not only be to help you but it will certainly be to help your husband too. Life for him must be full of torment if he is hallucinating to this extent.

As for `screaming abdabs`. Scream here. Most of us have been there and know how it feels.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
73,996
0
72
Dundee
Hi and welcome from me too.

I'm sorry things are so bad for you. I wondered if it would help to talk to someone on the National Dementia Helpline.

Here's the link -

NATIONAL DEMENTIA HELPLINE


The helpline opening times are as follows -

The Helpline is usually open from:
9am - 8pm Monday to Wednesday
9am - 5pm on Thursday and Friday
10am - 4pm on Saturday and Sunday
 

Honour

Registered User
Nov 3, 2016
13
0
Honour

Can somebody please explain how to reply!!! I wrote a reply to all you kind folks but it seems to have got lost in the ether?!!

I thought I did it this same way, so I'll wait to see what happens to this.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
73,996
0
72
Dundee
You've done it right this time Honour. :)

You click on 'post comment' at the end of the thread and you get the box to type in. When you're finished typing press 'submit reply' and that's it.
 

Honour

Registered User
Nov 3, 2016
13
0
Honour

Thank you I think I did 'reply and quote post' last time.

Thank you to all of you for your support.

My husband was put on Rivastigmine, the lowest dose at present, last week. We await to see if any difference is made, it's hard to say yet. The dose should go up again this week. Our GP is in the picture and very approachable and are going to get an EEG done on Friday.

Has anyone been to a Mindfullness course ? Can it help with not biting back all the time?
I think that is one of my main problems, I can't let go if he does or says something stupid. I am going to have to change my personality and become more submissive, if only for a peaceful life it's never his fault..........well, truth to say, it never has been, its always someone else even if there are only the 2 of us in the house!

As for Day care, you must be joking, both my Altzhimers support worker and the CPN have offered various social opportunities but "I like being on my own, I don't need other people!" Well I do and have wonderful friends, I go to choir, art and badminton but am beginning to wonder if I should be leaving him but so far so good.

I'm off with a friend tonight to a supper to raise funds for the refugees.


Thanks all again. Hopefully I'll get this forum thing together soon.
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,820
0
UK
'reply and quote post' that would be your mistake, I did that once and like you, it did not show - suppose because I was not actually quoting anyone!!
 

Alicenutter

Registered User
Aug 29, 2015
562
0
Massachusetts USA
I don't think it's a question of becoming submissive. It's more about living differently. In fact you learn to be very assertive, but in a kind of underhand way. My husband, who has FTD, takes Risperidone; he is somewhat confused, but without it he was unbearably aggressive.


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

Honour

Registered User
Nov 3, 2016
13
0
Honour

After 1 month the Rivastigmine seems to be working With no side effects. He gets put on a higher dose this week for the next month, so fingers crossed.

Glad to say life this week has been easier, thinking of all you poor souls who are having a very bad time of it like a dear friend of mine. X
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,723
0
Suffolk
Honour, try and get some time to yourself. Eventually your husband will not cope with being left alone, so getting him used to day care, befrienders, or whatever now will be a great help in the future. What happens if you are ill?
There are various ruses used, a friends daughter wants work, so I've said she can do some cleaning, seems to be a good one for introducing a stranger who will eventually take him out for coffee and cake, maybe.
My OH was a sucker for coffee and cake, well known at several local cafes!
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
0
Kent
I agree with spamar, l left it too long before getting some help, husband went to day care, he jumped the fence in the garden, would not go there again, then l had Crossroads a lady came once a week to take him out it lasted 3wks he would not go again, 10 days later l had a nervous breakdown, husband had to go into a Care Home. So please get some help, before its too late.
 

Debs42

Registered User
Jan 27, 2013
34
0
Anti-psychotics

Peopl who criticise the use of anti-psychotic drugs should try living with some who has psychotic delusions. The fear, the anger, the frustration, and the way it completely takes over someone's life and consumes them, destroys the individual, never mind those around them. My husband had delusions last year, which were frightening for him and me. They disappeared after the drugs kicked in - it took a couple of months, but unfortunately they came back some time after he was weaned off them. He is now back on and is so much happier and has a life again. So be prepared to let your husband take them and be patient as they will take a while to work, but it's worth it.
Good luck.
 

Debs42

Registered User
Jan 27, 2013
34
0
Honour
Your experience sounds a bit like mine. I used to get very cross and irritated at the constant repetition of questions, having to find things in the kitchen that had been out in strange places etc. I have taught myself to be more patient and laugh about it - sometimes he can laugh too. You'll get there..
 

jennypie

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
126
0
North yorkshire
This is my first contact with talking point and I 'm not sure if i'm doing this right! :)

there is 20 yrs between me and my husband who is 85, who started with dementia 3 years ago and although I know it is going to get a thousand times worse:(( I am beginning to feel the strain on certain days.

He is having night terrors and fighting himself, I have left the marital bed for fear of injury, having been grabbed round the throat one night. I feel so desperately sorry for him as he gets so frightened and worried as this person, attacking him in bed, is so real. We have named him Basil, as in Basil Faulty!!!(Fawlty) he also had one in the middle of the day last week when I was out.

At the moment I am able to care for him well at home as he is not too much trouble, more of a frustration, with the, seemingly, stupid things he says and does. Its hard to believe at first that its not intentional! I know different now but it doesn't stop me getting the screaming abdabs sometimes.

it seems dreadful to say how comforted I am to hear others have the same reactions. Thank you so much. I think I might find this forum a great help. Even if i do just blether on! its cathartic i'm sure.

Do we all hope for the day when this most awful illness is over for us.? and we , the carer, can get back to what life we have left.o

Hello Honour welcome to talking point I certInly hope for the day when this is all over my husband has Alzheimer's and vascular dementia and is 17 years older it's a dreadful disease I'm sorry your having a bad time with the night time terrors x