New here..

[Antony8]

Hello,

This is my first post on the forum. My name is Antony.

At the start of 2015 my mum was diagnosed with dementia. She had just turned 60 years old. It was a complete shock to myself and my family.

She was always on the go, up at 5:30 every morning for work, running around after my dad (who was medically retired 20+ years ago), she looked after everything.

I'm very close to mum and I had noticed a change in her about 3 years ago, I guess. Forgetting things, repeating herself, not being able to brush her hair properly. My mum was always immaculately dressed, never without her face powder and lipstick. And then she started looking a bit 'messy'. At first I thought she was having a breakdown.

My dad made her an appointment in January 2015 and after numerous tests, she was diagnosed. She had to leave a job which she loved and was unable to go out on her own anymore. She completely lost her independence. My dad became her full time carer.

I still live at home and over the last year and a half I have noticed a massive change in mum. Every day my heart breaks when I think of the woman she used to be. Now she can't even dress herself. She has difficulty walking and is incontinent. She can no longer read or write.

The thing I'm finding most difficult is that I miss her. She's sitting in the same room as me and it's difficult to have a conversation like we used to. I miss her telling me about her day, the people she's seen when she's been out and about, knocking on my bedroom door and sitting on my bed to just have a catch up.


Every day is hard. It feels like I'm grieving.

Well, this is just part of my story. I'm looking forward to hopefully chatting with some of the other members here and getting to know my way around the forum.

Antony

 

[Grannie G]

Of course you miss your mum Antony. It`s heartbreaking, especially because your mum is so young.

There are others on the forum who have a younger parent and I hope they will come forward to share feelings and experiences with you. It may help you feel less isolated.

Meanwhile I hope you and your dad can support each other.

Those of us who are older can also offer support. Younger or older dementia is a devastating illness and Talking Point has provided a lifeline for so many of us.

 

[Toddleo]

Hello Anthony, your love for mum shines trough in your post. What a dreadful situation for you and the family. Alzheimer's is truly awful whatever the age, but to me it takes on a whole new level of grief when it is someone as young as your mum.

There is plenty to read about on this forum, it really is a life line for all of us.

Kind regards and welcome.

toddleo

 

[rosy18]

Hi Antony welcome to TP I was so sorry to read your post your Mum is so young.Although my Mum is 87 I can relate to your feeling of being sad and wanting the relationship you once had with your Mum back. When I knew for sure Mum had AZ I wanted to cry all the time as I was grieving for what I had lost like you the chats and together times spent with my Mum now we spend our time together doing different things but that time together is very precious
TP is a great place to chat make friends and get really good advice so do carry on posting we are all on the same journey.

 

[Antony8]

Thank you all for your kind words and making me feel welcome.

I have siblings but they rarely visit (even though they live in the same town) and I can't really talk to them about things. They don't see the daily struggles that mum has to face.

Even though my dad is mum's carer I am helping with most things. He is a stubborn and proud man and also difficult to speak with. He has his own medical conditions which is frustrating and only adds to the pressure that I feel under.

I was made redundant from my job in March and shortly after, mum was admitted to hospital with seizures. Since then I have fallen into a never ending circle of helping at home and looking for work.

My brothers seem to be quite happy letting me do the things I do because I'm still living at home. I've tried telling them how difficult things are but it feels like I'm talking to a brick wall. I would love to be out working and getting on with my own life too.

Sorry for venting. This morning was tough because mum messed the bed again and now I have to change the sheets because there is no one else to do it. I'm making sure that my parents bed is clean and dressed every day (along with endless other chores).

I'm not doing things for the glory but my dad just makes out to everyone else that no one helps him and that he's having to do everything himself! It's such a complicated situation If I say anything to him he just gets angry. He's angry most of the time....

 

[Shazzy67]

Hi there

Hi Antony
I was so sad to read your post, in my case it's my husband who has Alzhiemers and i understand exactly what you mean by grieving and missing your mum as will all the wonderful people you will talk to on here. My husband too was diagnosed in 2015 and i have been so shocked by his rapid decline. There is not a day goes by when i don't long for him to be back with me the way he used to be, smart, intelligent and full of fun.
What i also wanted to say was i struggled alone for far to long to the point of breakdown before asking for help, have you spoken to your father about contacting Adult Social Care for a care needs assessment? Of course it's important to you that your lovely mum is cared for and it is obvious from your words how much you love her but please do remember that both you and your father are entitled to quality of life and also to have your needs assessed. Please try and get all the help you can, it will be better for you and your parents. I know she needs you but you have to looked after too.
All my thoughts and best wishes for you and your parents
Sharon.