New here


Registered User
Dec 22, 2005
Hello there,

My name is Lise, and I have just registered here after being given the link by a friend.

I suppose I should tell you a little about our situation.

My Nanna is poorly :(

She was diagnosed with the "Onset of Dementia" last year, and this year was told it was now "Mild" and in the last could of weeks has progressed to "Moderate".

She seems to be going downhill all of a sudden :(

My Nanna is 69, it still seems so young.

She has a "Boyfriend" if you like (!!) of about 15 years who does not live with her, but stays every night and spends almost all of his time with her. He is finding it very difficult, and in the last few weeks my family have got together and made a timetable so that someone is always with her.

I went down to see her yesterday with my daughter, her only great grand child (She is 10 months) and she was just not like how I remember. I haven't seen her for a few weeks and i feel so confused and upset.

She hallucinates and see people and dogs around the house, she is frightened of everything and hates being alone. Sometimes she is absolutely fine, at which point she gets upset as she knows she is not well and can not control what is going on.

She had some tests on Wednesday and my Aunty who went with her, was told she now needs 24-7 care and my Nanna called a family meeting.

She knows she needs more care now and has decided to go into a Nursing Home next year :( :( :(

She is going in for Respite after Xmas and it will be taken from there.

I just dont know how to handle all this, I am so confuse and so frightened. I am so so sooooooooo worried about losing her, and how will I know when this will happen? I feel the need to be prepared but how can we be?

Anyway I think I am rambling. I look forward to getting to know you all and I wish you a very happy Christmas.

Lise xxxxxxx


Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
Dear Lise........well you have come to the right place, welcome.
It must be worrying for you, and yes 69 is young, too young, but we are not here to question but support.
You will know, as time goes by, how your Nan is. Just try to enjoy the time you have with her. Should she go into a care home, do not raille against this, but use the time to visit and make life more enjoyable for her.
The more we learn to accept the progression of the deasease, the easier it becomes. (Sorry if this sounds trite, but I do believe we expound too much time
tryng to understand instead of accepting).
Take care and post again soon, Connie


Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
West Sussex
Dear Lise, welcome to TP. I am very sorry to hear of your Nans diagnoses, it is a great shock to you all and coming to terms is never easy in this illness. But I have to say, IMHO, all credit to your dear Nan on meeting it head on and deciding herself, to call a meeting and say she wishes to go into a home. That really takes some guts you know. You have a special Nan there who you can feel very proud of. Of course you are scared and worried, who wouldn't be, many here will identify with your feelings and want to offer support I am sure. But if she needs 24/7 care and wishes to be in a home for it, then personally I would do as she wishes while she is still able to have a say in things. This would preserve her dignity and let her see how much you all love and respect her. It wont be easy for any of you, but please post on TP when ever you can and let us support you through some of the things you will have to deal with. We are all coping with the same illness, there is a wealth of knowledge held between the members of this forum. Use it to help you all you want. Our fact sheets may be of help to you too, just click on the information link on the main pages to find them. Love She.XX


Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
Hello Lise

welcome to TP.

Sorry to hear of your Nanna's problems.

Wow, though, what an amazing lady to be the one to suggest what everyone else would be fearing the most - a care home. And she is correct that it is certainly something to be discussed.

I am sure she will know how her illness is progressing better than anyone else.

But watch out for the reaction of a loving Nanna - to worry about her family first and to say "I'll go into a home", before that is truly necessary.

It may be that the time is nigh, but take it a step at a time.

The respite after Christmas will give you all a chance to evaluate things.

If Nanna does go to live in a care home, then all it will be is a new home where she lives. You can visit as often as you like [most probably], and when you see her you will not be tired and stressed though having been caring for her all the time. You can make your visits special occasions, and do take your daughter along - children brighten up care homes and they just accept them, at any age. Nanna will want to see her anyhow.

As for Nanna's boyfriend [hey, there's nowt wrong with a boyfriend of mature years! I'm a toyboy myself, and I outdate some Egyptian mummies! ;) ] - well he will need some support too. He will feel her loss greatly.

Best of luck for the moment - do use TP to voice your fears and doubts.


Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear Lise,

Welcome to TP.

So sad to hear your news about your Nana. I'm sure you are very upset about it. It's always a very big shock initially. Good luck with choosing a care home. Take your time about this and make sure that you find the best one that you can for Nana.

Hope to hear of your progress after Xmas. Don't hesitate to ask questions on TP. You'll get a lot of support here.

Best wishes,



Registered User
Nov 21, 2005
peak district england

you should be very proud of your nan....she sounds like a remarkable dad is at the stage of it being considered to go into care ...he has had his first respite stay of 2 weeks is more advanced in his alzheimers than your mum,he found it difficult to adjust...i have worked in care homes too...and i do feel that ,if your nan gets used to the care setting now,then it will be less "unsettling/traumatic "for her when her confusion gets worse as she will feel ""familiar"" with her surroundings and the faces caring for her ......good luck ...for you ,your nan and the rest of your family...anne x

p.s. I have already told my family that i want to go into a home if i need....I'm 47 :) forward planning in the extreme :) anne x
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