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MarleysMum

Registered User
Sep 17, 2020
14
Hi, firstly I confess I have been lurking on here for years. My mum was diagnosed in 2010 with Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia at the age of 69. Sadly she deteriorated very quickly and died 4 years ago this month. Nine months before she died I lost my husband and then 6 months after my brother. For the last couple of years I’ve had concerns around my Dads memory and last week we were finally able to get a diagnosis of vascular dementia (he is 81). Long story but he had bowel op in Feb 19 and had post op delrium so he has CT scan that showed VD then but no one mentioned it. He’s had 2 Uits in the last 3 months that have caused confusion that still persists now and I had to get crisis care from social services. Last week he tripped and fell, called ambulance, a and e for suspected stroke, results clear but very wobbly so discharged to intermediary care. Three days later they still suspected stroke so re admitted to hospital for more tests. All clear and awaiting discharge although he is very confused now, another UTI suspected so on antibiotics. I’m fortunate that my sister in law is the manager at the IMC so hopefully we can get him there rather than a prelonged stay in hospital. Then we will have to assess wheres he at. I’ve had to really force myself to ask her for help as she’s be absent since my brother died.
So, sorry for the long post (and the bad spelling etc) . I’ve joined because I think I might be able to help others on here from my experience. Also I’m the only person I know whose mum was so bad and now has another parent with the same diagnosis, although I do have friends to support me. And after my bereavements there is only me and my Dad. But also my experience of vascular dementia has not been the best and I feel like my Dad is rapidly going worse. Is there anyone else that can comment on their experience with VD in particular? Thanks
 

nellbelles

Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
8,876
leicester
Hi @MarleysMum and welcome to DTP
as you know how the forum works I’m sure you don’t need me to tell it’s a welcoming and supportive forum!
I personally have no experience of vascular dementia but I’m sure other members will be able to help you with your queries
now you have joined I hope you will continue to post
 

MarleysMum

Registered User
Sep 17, 2020
14
Hi @MarleysMum and welcome to DTP
as you know how the forum works I’m sure you don’t need me to tell it’s a welcoming and supportive forum!
I personally have no experience of vascular dementia but I’m sure other members will be able to help you with your queries
now you have joined I hope you will continue to post
Thank you.
 

Buckeroo

Registered User
Apr 16, 2020
20
You sound an amazing, strong and loving daughter. Sending you all good wishes and supportive hugs. You cannot do more than your best.
 

silkiest

Registered User
Feb 9, 2017
153
good luck @MarleysMum . I have no experience with vascular dementia but I dont think it matters what kind of dementia your loved ones have as they all vary so much. My MIL was diagnosed with Alzheimers 2016 (cognitive impairment 2010 ) but my mum has spiralled from cognitive impairment sept 2019 to Alzheimers march 2020. 6 months later I struggle to say which of them needs the most help as mums language abilities have been severely affected. The main difference I have always been aware of is that vascular dementia tends to have big jumps in deterioration , but after my recent experience I can see that Alzheimers does too. As carers I think we just deal with the effects and get ideas as to how to deal with problems from the lovely people on here.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
965
Southampton
my husband has vascular dementia for about 18 months and yes they go down in big steps rather than gradual. he is worse with memory and tv controls and working out what he is interested in watching. he used to like sitting down and watching a film but has not got the concentration as much anymore. he cant remember names and gets confused over the grandchildren and whos who. we have 13 so understandable but 5 are mostly teenage boys so gets very confused and whose child is who. he thought my gr-daughter was my daughter the other day.the grandchildren that can understand have been told granddad might forget their name but just remind him and theyve accepted that. all dementias have their problems and pattern unique to that person so i just deal with problems as they arise and dont thinktoo much about the future, it can be diiferent in every person. i just enjoy him while ive got him.
 

MarleysMum

Registered User
Sep 17, 2020
14
my husband has vascular dementia for about 18 months and yes they go down in big steps rather than gradual. he is worse with memory and tv controls and working out what he is interested in watching. he used to like sitting down and watching a film but has not got the concentration as much anymore. he cant remember names and gets confused over the grandchildren and whos who. we have 13 so understandable but 5 are mostly teenage boys so gets very confused and whose child is who. he thought my gr-daughter was my daughter the other day.the grandchildren that can understand have been told granddad might forget their name but just remind him and theyve accepted that. all dementias have their problems and pattern unique to that person so i just deal with problems as they arise and dont thinktoo much about the future, it can be diiferent in every person. i just enjoy him while ive got him.
Thanks. I think that I need to accept that everyone is different a stop comparing him to my mum.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,864
Nottinghamshire
Hi @MarleysMum

My mum died of Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia in 2009 and then her twin sister in 2012 of vascular dementia. Dad was diagnosed with mixed dementia in 2014, although I suspected something might be wrong years before, and died just before Christmas 2018. All three were different. My aunts vascular dementia gave her mostly physical problems until the last year and even then her frustration was probably largely due to her physical limitations. She died of pneumonia and we didn’t “lose” her in the same was as we did with mum and dad.

All of my relatives seemed to manage (or maybe I managed them) ok until the last year when they had rapid declines.

Actually I’m sure they would’ve been unable to manage without me but I was lucky enough not to have to face the aggression (except for 6months of Donepezil induced bad behaviour from my dad before I realised what the problem was) that some do. I also learned very early not to argue...
 

MarleysMum

Registered User
Sep 17, 2020
14
Hi @MarleysMum

My mum died of Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia in 2009 and then her twin sister in 2012 of vascular dementia. Dad was diagnosed with mixed dementia in 2014, although I suspected something might be wrong years before, and died just before Christmas 2018. All three were different. My aunts vascular dementia gave her mostly physical problems until the last year and even then her frustration was probably largely due to her physical limitations. She died of pneumonia and we didn’t “lose” her in the same was as we did with mum and dad.

All of my relatives seemed to manage (or maybe I managed them) ok until the last year when they had rapid declines.

Actually I’m sure they would’ve been unable to manage without me but I was lucky enough not to have to face the aggression (except for 6months of Donepezil induced bad behaviour from my dad before I realised what the problem was) that some do. I also learned very early not to argue...
Thank you, I’m beginning to realise that the same diagnosis doesn’t mean the same pattern of behaviour x