New here & seeking advice


Registered User
Dec 17, 2007
Hi everyone
My name is Nikki & I live in France. My father, who lives in the uk with my mother & sister was diagnosed about 7 years ago with alzheimers. Up until now we have really not had any issues but during the last few months we have seen a marked decline, which probably is expected.
Its difficult for me to support my family as I live abroad and I spend all my time looking after my three young children, one of whom has autism. Therefore its hard for me to get to travel very often as my son is very dependant.
My mother rang me yesterday to tell me that my father has become very aggressive with violent outbursts of temper over the last week or so. This is to the point he is very rude to her and I can understand the hurt it causes. The other problem is that if anyone now comes to the house( window cleaner, plumber etc) he has started being rude and shouting at them too & ordering them off his property etc etc. The rages have compounded over the last 5 days as he has decided ( being a football fanatic all his life) that the new england manager is unsuitable because he is not english. I wont say more because I am sure you can all guess how it goes - suffice to say everytime the tv goes on or he reads a paper the rages strike up again - many times per day now.
Saturday night they were watching tv when they smelt a strange smell and there turned out to be a fire in the the house in the cellar ceiling which caused the fusing of electrics / fire service etc. Of course this sent him into an absolute rage as he could not watch tv etc and his routine is disrupted. My poor mum now has to have people round to asses damage but she is getting worried about doing so as she knows he will be rude to them. He isa big strong man - only 67 so she cannot shut him away or try to move him. He is still able to cycle his bike to the village each day to get a paper but cannot remember to wash, bath etc and has very little interaction apart from the tv where he loves football & racing.
Apart from diagnosis we have not really sought much support as we have felt able to manage as a family - but I know my mum is getting to breaking point.
Can someone tell us where we start - who can we ask for help? what could be done? The angry outbursts are my worry. He takes no medication - he wont take any thing at all - no matter who tried he totally refuses. He will never see a doctor - he needs glasses but refuses to get his eyes tested telling us we are talking rubbish. Also he has taken to eating constantly too & mum is hiding food in an effort to stop this.
any advice or ideas would be welcome as to how I can help her going forward.
Thankyou for listening


Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
Dear Nikki,
If is obvious from your post that your Mother needs help now. Contacting the Local Branch of the Alzheimer Society would be very helpful.
There are fact sheets on the A.S. web page.
Because of the violence it must be so worrying for you as you are in France and having young children. You could ring Alzheimer's Head Office and they are brilliant with guiding you in the right direction.
Do you have any family living near your Mum ?
Would your Mother go to the Doctor so she can explain to him/her what is going on at least that what be some safeguard for your Mother. When they have violent out bursts, the Doctor should see it as a urgent issue.
I hope this is of some help. Later on in the day some-one will come on Talking Point and offer you advice, support at any time.
I wish you the very best. Christine


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Hi Nikki, welcome to TP.

It must be very worrying for you being so far away and unable to help much. How old is your sister/ Is she able to support your mum?

As Christine says, either your mum or your sister should ring the local branch of Alzheimer's Society. They will be able to advise and support. You really need to let the GP know what is going on, and if your dad refuses to go, your mum should go and see him herself. She should not have to put up with aggression without support.

Perhaps she could write an account of all the incidents of aggression, and show it to the GP. Your dad should really be monitored by a CPN, but if he refuses medication, that will be difficult.

You also need a social worker, and that can be accessed either through the GP or your AS branch. Your mum could ring herself, but you tend to get action more quickly with an official referral.

Your mum has done very well to cope for seven years without support, but now she definitely needs help. If your dad refuses any intervention, he may have to be admitted to hospital for assessment -- not nice, but your mum can't go on like this.

Good luck, and please let us know how you get on. I'll be thinking of you.


Registered User
Mar 23, 2005
Hi Nikki,

As Hazel and Christine have suggested, the best place to start would be with the GP. If your mother could book an appointment on her own to explain the situation then she and the GP could work out the best approach to take with your father.

It would be a good idea if your mother could take in a short summary of your father's recent behaviour - like a mini-diary. The comments about the overeating and explicit change in social skills might indicate a condition other than Alzheimers. Specifically, fronto-temporal dementias are much rarer but do tend to have earlier age of onset and overeating can be a symptom. You might want to read this factsheet:

It might be completely irrelevant, but as it has been some time since your father's initial diagnosis and his behaviour has become more difficult - it is definitely worth your mother seeing the GP.

Take care,