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New here - need to decide - care home or home care


Registered User
Jun 25, 2022
Canary - you've hit the nail on the head. Its been such a shock.

I've spent the last few years since dad died sorting out ways to get her safe with her medication and food, sorting out financial power of attorney (she wouldn't sign the health/welfare one), trying in vain to get her to accept the idea of carers or meals on wheels or a cleaner... (but unable to just book them in as I'm already owed over 1k of my own money for food shops etc as she became unable to sign cheques and they bounced so I just decided to pay and wait for the power of attorney to be registered with OPG and the bank) that in my head it was a case of 'yes things are deteriorating but visiting care will fix it and I've now got POA and a needs assessment, I'm nearly there, I can book them in with her money and see how it goes...' that when the social worker mentioned a care home as an option I was totally blown away.

Glad in hindsight though as another (weekend/out of hours) social worker rang me today who wasn't anywhere near as good or as straight talking and I just requested that the normal one who's back tomorrow do the mental capacity assessment and get back to me.

Emotionally - I wasn't ready. I knew it would take a crisis for care home consideration but because she hadn't fallen or injured herself or left the gas on yet I didn't see this as the 'crisis.'

Theres this societal expectation as well that you just give up everything and do your absolute best to keep them at home, like this is the holy grail or magic cure when in reality sometimes maybe its just cruel to everyone involved. She was so good at masking it as well that I'm in shock that it's being recognised which is a huge relief but also weirdly difficult to deal with after feeling very on my own with it. I worry that the neighbours will think I'm cruel if I rehome her because they haven't seen the reality, but I've no idea why I even care. Ill also have to rehome her dog (tried having it here but it hates my dog and vice versa) so thats emotional as it was the thing keeping her going and I now have to admit that she cant look after it anymore. Thats likely to have to happen regardless of the outcome.

We'll see what tomorrow/this week brings. Hopefully she won't have a good day/hour and pull the wool over their eyes/pass the capacity assessment!
Oh, I could be reading this about my Mum! Only she hasn’t been in hospital or been assessed by Social Services. I guess I have been as much in denial as she has been about the situation and your post has opened my eyes to the reality of her needs. Thank you. We have recently realised that a care home near me ( mum was 3 hours away) is the best option and I’ve found a lovely one for a“convalescent break” so am crossing everything that it works out well. Good luck to you too. I’m sure it will be a rocky road for us both!


New member
Jun 28, 2022
My answer's probably too late for YammaY, but for anyone else in this situation with a relative in hospital, you have the right to insist that the social worker dealing with your loved one's discharge carries out an NHS Continuing Health Care Checklist.
This is carried out by the care worker, in consultation with the doctors and nursing staff, and with the occupational therapy or other staff who assess your loved one's mobility and their ability to look after themselves (or not, obviously), and you have the right to be in that meeting too and say your piece.
Depending on how your relative scores on this checklist, referral is made to NHS CHC locally, and they determine whether your relative's needs are complex enough that they need NHS Continuing Healthcare funding (usually a senior CHC staff member has to visit them in their own home after discharge to make an assessment).
This funding, if awarded, can cover fees for carers to look after them in their own home or your home, and would also cover fees that might be incurred later in your relative's dementia "journey" for nursing, accommodation and food if they need to go into a care home (in which case, discharge at that point can be effected straight from hospital to care home if they are back in hospital again).
This is NOT means-tested, so is independent of what your relative has in assets, and will solely focus on his/her needs. CHC can agree or disagree with your choice, but you can suggest the care home, and if you're lucky, they'll approve the one you choose.
My relative was incredibly lucky to find herself, at the end of this process, in a CQC-rated "Outstanding" nursing home solely for dementia sufferers, where she's loved and cared for in the way that all dementia patients should be. Fight your corner and latch onto anyone who seems sympathetic in this process. Good luck.