Hi Sinkhole, my mum was ready to be discharged and I was asked what I thought about her going home. While in hospital the GP does not get involved and I said that as I lived 10 miles away I would not be there for her and I did not consider carers visiting would be either welcomed by mum and being left alone all night (when she did not seem to know the difference between day and night) would not be an option any longer. At this point an occupational therapist became involved and she was someone who understood the problem and suggested an assessment by SS. The OT was great, very understanding and assured me that all things considered, this was the right move even though I felt so guilty for a long time after. The assessment was done and as we were self funding and SS agreed that she would be "at risk" I was then left to sort out a suitable care home (I am an only child too). Five months on, mum is in care, clean, fed, safe and I can finally relax. It was not easy but I think it will be yourself that makes the decision and many people on here would agree that sometimes you have to go above the head of your loved one, coax and even tell a few white lies. When their memory is bad, it will only be you that remembers these finer details but it will all be for their good. My mum has never been officially diagnosed with dementia but was described by the SS lady as being "pleasantly confused" but mum could not tell you what she has eaten or done 10 minutes later and has no idea of time, season etc. She would not have survived on her own for much longer. Unfortunately it seems to take a crisis, ie hospital stay to force the change. I was in your position before this and was always waiting for something to happen, the falls, dehydration & malnutrition finally took their toll. When SS asked mum about going into care she did agree although forgot that again later so I suppose I was lucky! Sorry to have rambled on but there is no rule book and if others can relate their journey hopefully it will help.
Best wishes,
Sue
Best wishes,
Sue
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