New here..I need help b4 I go crazy caring 4mom


Registered User
Apr 16, 2008
ocean shores wa.
This is my first post,I am here because I am afraid I'm getting incredibly depressed.(looked 4 local help, cant find any) My mother has dementia, and since its diagnoses a few months ago it has Spiraled Downward incredibly bad.:( My father and I care for her, we have an added problem she has incredible tummy pain which has yet 2 b diagnosed, so she is in cconstant pain, and its hard to get her 2 eat. The newest problem with her ,is she INSISTS she is not home, and wants to go home (she is in her home they built 12 years ago. If we leave the house to take her 2 dr. etc..she refuses to go back in the house and yesterday we physically had to drag this frail woman batteling her to get upstairs, almost to the point I feared we hurt her, because she found some ALL MIGHTY strenght, and faught us the whole way..I can go on and on, but I wish not to cry while writing this ne more. I am desparate for someone to talk to. I am a recovering alcholholic of 7 years and READY to hit the bottle to deal w/ this! HELP ME PLZ ..Lisa


Registered User
Mar 27, 2008
Hello Lisa

Oh dear Lisa it sounds like you are at the end of your tether. I am so glad that you found Talking Point and I hope you find it as helpful as I have. There's always someone to talk to here and it certainly is better than reaching for any alcohol. Some of what you talked about - your mother wanting to go home - is what others have mentioned on Talking Point about Sundowning. I don't profess to know anything about it personally because my husband hasn't had this yet (or maybe he never will) but many people here have experienced it with their loved ones. I am sure someone more experienced than me will send you some more information about sundowning.

I have found reading what other people have posted very helpful and supportive.

Anyway Lisa don't despair - keep in touch and try to use this site to its fullest so that you feel supported in some way.

Love Helen


Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
Hi Lisa

Welcome to Talking Point.

Wow! Local we sure aren't! I place you quite near Seattle!

The problems of dementia know no boundaries so if we can help, that is great.

As Helen has said, the issue of 'home' is a common one and a major problem. Frankly, medication is the only way I know of to help at a certain stage.

Strength is indeed a mystery - how they gain so much strength from such small bodies is amazing, and quite unhelpful!

The tummy pain.... have you considered constipation? This can cause the pains but also a lot of confusion. There might also be the possibility of a UTI - Urinary Tract Infection This can cause all sorts of behavioural and health problems.

Worth checking out the simpler things first - the remedies can be simple, and solve lots of problems.

Just my initial thoughts.

And, no, alcohol will only make things worse and trash your life too. You know that of course, but it never hurts for a friend to agree... :)


Registered User
Sep 26, 2007
Hi Lisa

Welcome to Talking Point. My family were struggling to find someone to "listen" and it has really helped us to post on here and read people's replies. I hope that you will be able to get some support from TP. There is always someone here to help and listen.

Take care,


Katie Malarkey

Registered User
Mar 29, 2008

Hello Lisa,
This is also my first post, but I felt I had to respond to you -one new member to another. My mam has had vascular dementia for quite a few years now, and although she's in the later stages now, she has (what the experts have told me) something called 'sundowning'. She used to sometimes be fairly 'happily' confused in the mornings, but then as the hours passed her character would completely changes into someone I didn't recognise - agressive/unresponsive/chanting the same words or sentence over and over again (she still does that), and also extremely strong (would fight dressings being changed etc). I hope this helps a little?


Registered User
Apr 16, 2008
ocean shores wa.
Thanks so much!

Still new and dont know if this will go my thread or not, but as soon as I figure out how the site works, I belive it will help, thanks for all the advice so far, and PLEASE keep it coming, at least I am not alone! Thanks lisa


Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Hiya Lisa and Katie,
Just wanted to welcome both of you to Talking will find plenty of information and support. Look forward to seeing you around.


Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
No Lisa, you will never be alone on Talking Point [TP].

We have lived in our house for 5 years and my husband still does not recognize it as his home, so I know how difficult it must be for you. I haven`t had to struggle with him physically as you have, but all dementia sufferers are different.

Please try your best not to go back to drinking. Seven years is such a long time, you have done so well, and you know full well one drink will undo all the hard work.

I stopped smoking eight years ago and sometimes feel a cigarette would help. But I know, as with all addictions, it would never stop at one.

Take care and keep posting.