1. babybel

    babybel Registered User

    Sep 17, 2007
    Hi everyone, I thought I'd introduce myself. My Gran has alzheimers, and was diagnosed in March (22nd was the day she was diagnosed). She is very independant, having lived on her own for over 30 years, and is adamant there is nothing wrong with her. I try to visit often, usually 3x week after work, but we all work full-time. Often she seems not too bad, but talking to the neighbours has revealed she goes out at night etc. I've sorted out the occasional crisis (missing bank books, duplicate cheque books, changing energy supplier), and try to take up a few bits when I visit - a microwave meal, catfood, milk, bread etc. The trouble is, I'm not really doing any more than that, and nor is anyone else, due to other commitments. We've had a couple of visits from the OT, who have made some changes, but she hasn't been assigned a social worker yet. I don't think she's eating much, and now might be starting to have hallucinations - getting time mixed up has become pretty standard by now.

    The thing is, I'm not sure of what I should be doing. My Mum has tried to persuade her to get an EPA sorted, but my Gran won't hear of that. She recently agreed to have the bills put into direct debit, then changed her mind. I know she's not going out much either, and keeps on falling out with the neighbours. I suppose that I feel that I'm not doing enough, but at the same time am not sure what i should be doing.

  2. Susi T

    Susi T Registered User

    Jan 12, 2007
    Leamington Spa
    Hi Babybel,

    I can relate to everything you say, just Dad and i living at home, fortunately I am joint on his bank account, a decision we both made last June. Please try your hardest to get EPA, I put it on the back burner for too long, everything was ready to complete when Dad was rushed into hospital with blood pressure problems. I do believe the problems have made his dementia worse, he has been assessed, he does not have the mental capacitry to make decisions now!!!

    I knew that one day Dad would have to go into a home but not as soon as this.

    I wish you all the best.

    Susi T XXX
  3. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Hello Babybel and welcome to Talking Point.

    It is very, very difficult if the person who needs the help refuses the help. Unfortunately, one of the first casualties of dementia may be a lack of insight. When you combine that with memory loss (so that the person in question can't remember times when things have gone wrong) carers are in an almost impossible position.

    Probably the best thing you can do at the moment is support YOUR mother as she supports your grandmother. The other thing one of you are going to have to do is see what you can do about getting a social worker assigned. Without a social worker to give you an overview of what's available in your community you may not be able access services to which you are entitled. Something else you may also want to do is start the application for attendance allowance: your grandmother does not need to be receiving the care to receive the allowance. See here http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/After_diagnosis/Sorting_out_your_money/info_welfare.htm

    Best wishes
  4. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    Hello babybel and welcome to TP.
    I sympathise with your situation and understand your difficulties. Your Gran probably can't grasp the necessity for the EPA and is replacing the inability to understand the situation with suspicion, this is not uncommon. I don't why it is, but, many sufferers do have fall outs with their neighbours. My mum before she got Alz always lived very peacefully beside her neighbours and I can honestly say that I cannot recall a cross word, then that all changed. You have been given advise already about contacting a social worker and I hope everything works out well. Take Care. Taffy. :)
  5. babybel

    babybel Registered User

    Sep 17, 2007
    Thanks to all of you who have replied. I've done some more reading of other posts, and have made a list of things to do. I think Gran may already be receiving attendance allowance, but I can check. There is also an Age Concern in the area, so I'll go and see them as well.

    The problems tend to be compounded by the fact that my Mum on average can only get up to visit my Gran about once a month, and that Gran seems to have become more suspicious lately - a couple of months ago, she was happy to let me have a look at bills etc, but now does not want me to look at these things.

    I suppose all I can do is try to cross the things off the list. One thing - is it possible to make an appointment with her doctor? She keeps having hospital appointments and doctors appointments, and can never tell me why/what she's gone for. I'd like to try to find out, just so I know what's going on.

    thanks again.
  6. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #6 Margarita, Sep 18, 2007
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2007
    you can make the appointment , but the doctor won't talk to you unless your with your grandmother , because of the data protection act .

    its hard like jenniferpa says
    I also had all those issue with my mother excepting help , so now how you feel

    Try pushing ringing social services , as seeing you said
    Age concern may not be of much help as your local AZ society would be because of the diagnosed of AZ . find out if they is a AZ society near you , my social worker done the referral for me so mum could go to day center they also got the dementia nurse out for a few weeks to talk to me and mum, even thought mum never seem to know what the dementia nurse was about .
  7. babybel

    babybel Registered User

    Sep 17, 2007
    Hi there, I just thought I'd give an updated.

    Fortuitously (in a way) my brother found Gran collapsed on the floor on Tuesday evening. He got her to bed, and stayed for a couple of hours to make sure she was ok. I went up the next morning, and was able to make an appointment to see the doctor - so I was able to go with her. It turned out to be very enlightening - she has finally been recommended for a brain scan after her last collapse, and I have asked for another visit from the psychiatric nurse, and the OT. I've also made an appointment for her overdue B12 injection.

    My Mam has agreed that she will have to go part-time, as having spent the day with Gran yesterday, the collapses may be to do with low blood pressure, or mini strokes, or just forgetting to eat and drink. Between the three of us, with some help from social work, we should be able to manage better. (for now). Can't do anything about the wandering at night at the moment, though if one of us can be with her for most of a day, and reduce afternoon napping, she may sleep better at night - here's hoping.

    Anyway, thanks again for your help and advice.
  8. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    Hi babybel, pleased that you were able to get to talk with your Gran's Dr and find a little out. At least it seems that things are moving in the right direction. I hope everything works out well. Regards Taffy.

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